From the Minnesota Department of Tourism:
Tips on how to survive a vacation in Minnesota:
To Visiting Urbanites and other tourists:
1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Kroll's Kitchen.
It's a diner.
They serve breakfast 24 hours a day.
Let them cook something they know.
If you upset the ladies in the kitchen, they'll kick your ass.
2) Don't laugh at the names of our little towns;
Fertile, Moorhead, Climax, Cummings, Gentilly, or we will just HAVE to kick your butt.
3) Don't order a bottle or a can of soda here.
Up here it's called pop.
Accept it.
Doing otherwise can lead to an ass-kicking.
4) We know our heritage.
Most of us are more literate than you.
We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer.
Don't refer to us as a bunch of hicks or we'll kick your butt.
5) We have plenty of business sense.
You have to make a living up here.
Naturally, we do sometimes have small lapses in judgment from time to time, but we are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate.
If someone tried to do that we would kick their butt.
6) We are fully aware of how cold it gets here in the winter, so shut the hell up.
Just spend your money and get the hell out of here or we'll kick your butt.
7) Don't order the vegetarian special at the local diner.
Everyone will instantly know that you're a tourist.
Eat your steak well done like God intended and have some potatoes with that, for heaven's sake!
Also, don't ask what a hot dish is or we'll kick your butt.
8) Don't try to fake a Minnesota accent.
We don't have an accent.
Do NOT mention the movie "Fargo" as that will incite a riot and you will get your butt kicked.
9) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know better.
Many of us have visited big city hell holes like Detroit, New York and LA and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Northwest Airlines is ready when you are.
Move your butt on home before it gets kicked.
10) Yes, we know that ice fishing is "not your thing".
We don't care.
If you don't understand the beauty of being out on a lake when its 10 degrees then you should go home and try fishing in New York Harbor.
Also, if you hog the heater in the fish house, we'll kick your butt.
11) Don't complain that Minnesota doesn't really have 10,000 lakes.
We actually have around 22,000.
So if you whine, we'll kick your butt all the way back to Cleveland.
12) Don't ridicule our mannerisms.
We only speak when spoken to.
We hold doors open for others.
We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people.
Behave yourselves around our sweet, little gray-haired grandmothers or they will kick some manners into your butts like they did ours.
13) So, you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live on the prairie or the woods?
That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or LA.
Make fun of our fresh air and we'll kick your butt.
14) Last but not least, DO NOT DARE to come here and tell us how the Vikings and the Twins suck, only Minnesotans and true fans can knock 'em down.
If you do, this will get your butt shot
right after its kicked.
Just mention this once and you will go home in a pine box, minus your butt.
Enjoy your visit in the Land of 10,000 Lakes or we'll kick your butt.
