Mammogram

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram,but there is no need to worry.

By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises,

you will be  totally prepared for the test, and best of all you can do these simple practices right in your own home.

Exercise 1

Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box.

Have one of your strongest friends slam the door as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure.

Hold that position for five seconds.

Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.

Exercise 2

Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is  just perfect.

Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car.

Ask a friend to slowly back the car until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled.

Turn over and repeat for the other breast.

Exercise 3

Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room.   

Press the bookends against one of your breasts.

Smash the *?&%*()%$# bookends together as hard as you can.

Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.

You are now properly prepared.

Just one more thought for all the women out there.

MENtal illness

MENstrual cramps

MENtal breakdown

MENopause

Ever notice how all of the women's

problems start with MEN?

And when we have real trouble, it's a HISterectomy!