Mom #6
(e-mail contact)
-BW (98)
-Baby boy 3.5 mo. old. bwt: 8/7, dcw: 8/5, 2wk: 9/6, 4 wk: 10/4, 2.5 mo: 12/12, 3.5 mo. 11/12
-Description: Baby currently bottle feeding with formula per hcp after weight loss was discovered.
-History: Mom reported that she realized "all of a sudden that the baby was dropping some weight." When she took him in to the doctor she discovered that he had lost a whole pound over the previous four weeks. She immediately began supplementing with formula, and baby began completely refusing the breast within 24 hours of beginning supplement. She rented a hospital grade pump to increase her milk supply with the hope that her baby would return to the breast. She did chart his urine and stooling for the first six weeks, using the charts in the baby of the BW book, but since all was going well she discontinued charting after that. Mom reported that the lactation consultant she spoke with believed the problem stemmed from missing a growth spurt. She reported that her baby "loved to sleep." He began sleeping 8 hours continuously at night by 8 weeks, and by 2 months was sleeping 12 hours without waking to feed. Mom wanted to try to get the baby back to the breast, but reported that the baby was frustrated and would not even try. Mom was pumping 1-2 oz. every 3 hours. There were no additional complicating factors for either mom or baby.
-Advice: I referred this mom to a LLL leader in her area because she stated she could not afford continued visits with a lactation consultant. I was going out of town at the time and I wanted this mom to be able to have close support with someone who could help her get the baby back to the breast. Mom stated concern that a LLL leader would try to get her to demand feed her baby, but was willing to talk to anyone if she could get her baby to go back to the breast.
-Follow up: Mom e-mailed me four weeks after our first contact and was happy to report that the LLL leader had been able to help her get the baby back to the breast by the use of a supplemental nursing system. They had tried a variety of other approaches, and the SNS was a last resort. Her milk supply was still slightly low, and she was supplementing about 2 oz. of formula after the afternoon and evening feedings only. Mom reported that she intended to continue breastfeeding as long as she could, and that if she had known that following a schedule for breastfeeding would jeopardize her milk supply and her baby's health, she never would have done it. Mom reported that she had a better understanding of how demand feeding really worked and that she felt angry that BW had so exaggerated what demand feeding was.

Mom #7
(Online contact)
-PFP (5th ed. Church class)
-Baby boy 5 mo. old. bwt: 6/12, dcw: N/A, 2wk: 7/5, 6 wk: 9/1, 3 mo. 11/0, 5 mo. 11/0
-Description: Mom wrote on the first contact that her 5 month old is starting to show some "transition-type changes" in his behavior and is unsure if it is a "waketime thing or a hunger thing." Baby is starting to get more "grumpy during waketimes" and has resumed night waking after previously sleeping through the night 11.5 hours. Mom described his "good" waketimes as lasting 1.5 hours, but most days he is awake after feeding for only 50 minutes before he gets "really grumpy" and only settled by being held, sometimes not even that works so she puts him down for a nap. He used to sleep solidly till the next feed, on a four hour schedule, but recently has started to take longer to settle before he sleeps and may wake early. After requesting more information, the mother provided the feeding schedule as follows: "feed times are 8am, 12pm, 4pm and 8pm." Baby sleeps till each feed except the morning one--waking at 7-7.30 a.m. and is fed at 8 a.m. Mom said baby was getting grumpier waiting for that long now and will cry rather than just lie there talking like he used to. Mom reports a wet diaper at every feed (four daily) and one bowel movement about every 5 days.
-Advice: Mom was informed that not all babies will thrive on four feedings a day as some moms may lose their milk supply on that schedule. A weight check was advised before any other contact because his behavior seemed like typical hungry baby behavior.
-Follow-up: Mom found when baby was taken in for a weight check that he hadn't gain any weight since his 3 month well baby check-up. The hcp suggested supplementation or starting solid foods. Mom was advised that she could probably build her milk supply some by adding in more feedings, but she was opposed to this as it would be "too difficult to have more than four feeds per day on her busy schedule." Mom decided to wean her baby to formula. She stated that once she began to give her baby a bottle at his noon feeding and some solids at both 8 a.m. and 4 p.m. that he was "doing 2 hours of waketime happily" and not "grumpy" any more. She reported feeling "sad" that she didn't realize what was happening, but glad now that everything is "worked out."

Mom #8
(a letter written to me by a mom describing her experience with PFP and her help from a contact mom.)
Note: This is in narrative form as written to me by the mother. I am including it in its entirety even though it covers more than just milk supply loss.

I have done a lot of thinking back for the last couple years and have written things over and over so I can do this. And I don't mind really. If I thought for a second I could make a difference I'd do anything. Please do note, I do not think all CIO [cry it out] methods are harmful - but that if the wrong people are coaching, it can be a disaster.

I do remember the first 4 weeks being very hard. I had had a horrible birth with my son, 3 days of labor no sleep and I was exhausted. My mom was coming to clean and would sit with him sometimes. We had him in a cradle in our room. He was a very sleepy baby, and so by word from the doctor I was waking him up at least once a night to feed because he said that it was not good for him to sleep through the night until after a couple weeks. Honestly I don't remember him crying much the first month. With him in our room, I couldn't have taken that - so I remember if he did wake up, I nursed him in our bed and then put him back in the crib.

After a month he got to the more wakey baby they all get too. I remember him not liking to be swaddled or held a long time. I started the play-pen time and remember him being happy to not have me be there. IOW [in other words], he did not cry for me to get him. I did like was recommended and spent time with him talking, changing him, bathing, feeding, carrying him around and making sure he spent a certain time doing playpen time or specific times in his crib for naps/sleep.

Around 2 months I think if I remember right is when things went wrong. Looking back, I realize that I did not understand the proper way to handle a growth spurt. Between 4pm and 10pm he wanted to nurse (cried) every hour like clockwork. I spoke to my CM and she said not to go under 2 hours and to keep him at breast longer. I think this is where I messed up. I not only didn't go below 2 hrs, but after a week was so confused and thinking that I was messing up the schedule I nudged him up to 3 hours again (this was the 95' book). I was very fearful that I was going to do something wrong. I know the book said flexible but a week off schedule didn't sound flexible it sounded like something was amiss. This is when the crying got worse. However he never lost weight and was never failure to thrive. He was never ever a typical round pudgy nursing baby - he was always "sleek" or "trim" for a baby but he thrived. I tried the pacifier, rubbing his back, and even picked him up to comfort him sometimes. But I was very afraid of becoming the proverbial sleep prop mom - so I really tried to keep it to a minimum. But he cried a lot. And a couple times I DID try feeding him and he did eat but I was at a loss because supposedly I was supposed to know what his cries meant since I had this wonderful schedule to go by. If I called for support it was always the same. "You're doing great, don't worry keep it up, don't give up, it will pay off in the long run".

Around 4 months I was torn. I had a very serious baby. Can't say he wasn't happy - he did smile and giggle but he did not share moments with mommy and daddy. No smiling when I said his name or played baby games with him. He was very early in his milestones - he was already rocking on all fours at this age and so I figured he was on track and doing great. I did notice extreme frustration at this age - kind of out of proportion to being 4 months old. If he couldn't master a skill he tantrummed pretty hard already. Hardly any eye contact and no separation anxiety. He also did not turn towards my voice (I remember this distinctly from reading all my baby books) or look to me when I entered a room. Nor did he cry if I left. At this age the crying had limited itself to naps and bedtime. But the crying was still going strong. He was taking two naps - but he fit that darned "Ezzo" bad napper routine of waking up exactly 45 minutes after being laid down. So, I was told that if he was to learn to sleep better I had to leave him crying in there until nap time was done. After all, "mom sets the start and end of nap time, not baby" and so I was the model Ezzo student. I was weary and confused at all the crying going on.

Also during this time, my milk supply was not doing well. I started my period and called my Dr. regarding this. He said it was not a good sign. Gave me some "tips" for getting it back up, which sadly did not include demand nursing - just some things to eat, drink, avoid and lots of rest. It didn't work - by the first week of his 5th month it ceased to exist. I literally had to just stop cold turkey because I was not letting down and he was not getting enough to eat. I started supplementing a week prior because I was worried. He must have been glad to eat because there was hardly a fuss at the switch.

At 6 months, he was meeting milestones, growing fine and making doctors happy. I however was baffled. He was learning to stand up and "cruise". He was getting dangerous. Into everything. He had a seriously bad case of outlet fixation and we battled this day and night. I asked and was told that I needed to start giving hand swats. So I did. But to this day I will never forget how unusual his response was. No sadness, no shock, but anger and confusion - I remember that look. And it had no effect.

At 12 months the battle had begun. He had walked at 10 months and was a holy terror. Because he was not attached to me, he had no interest in doing normal things. He cared not a bit for toys or interactive play. All attempts in the prior months were met with indifference or anger fits. He would throw toys at me, scurry off or stare blankly. He liked being alone. We did a lot of stuff with him, took him lots of places to see lots of things and experience lots of experiences. There was always a lack of joy regarding all this. It was definitely his own world and he wasn't sharing with anyone. He said the word "light" at a year but nothing else. We wearily began spanking him at 15 months because he was a danger to himself, destructive and never stopped. Spankings had no effect. Here I thought that by spanking him I was going to put some fear in him but he just didn't care a whit. I even came by the way of "the stick" you know what I mean. Used it - nothing. He barely even cared if I carried it around. So I got rid of that quickly. I went back and forth from trying "other" things than spankings - to finally deciding something needed to stop him and spanking again. I cannot say I was inconsistent - he was never allowed out of his "boundaries" but I can say that I was harsh sometimes and mainly out of frustration. I tried hard to not be angry when I spanked, took time to size up the event before acting and so forth - but he was getting worse each day and not responding and when I talked to the CM she was telling me "he really needs this" and "keep it up because he's telling you he doesn't believe you" and so forth. No one ever once mentioned something might be wrong - not once.

By age 2 I was scared. I couldn't stand to wake up in the morning. He was STILL crying himself to sleep at night and was so hyper and out of control I dreaded every day. My husband didn't want to come home nights because he didn't know how to be around him. He started blaming me for not being strict enough and not stopping his bad behavior when I wasn't there. I mean, if I was doing the GKGW stuff, the kid should be behaving, all our other friends kids were. He was also getting hurt way too much. Falling into everything - cutting open lips, noses, eyes, cheeks on chairs, toys, tables, stairs - you name it - because he had no sense of fear or caution. People who babysat him felt bad because he always got picked up with something bleeding - or at home with me it happened too. He was unresponsive to his name, to being given commands - even at two he couldn't "come to mama" or "bring me the toy" or "go get your juice" - he was unable to. But he knew his numbers (1-5) and could point to colors appropriately, or operate our VCR without help etc. He fought sleep like crazy. It was this time that I decided the Ezzo program was just not working. I quit calling my Ezzo friends, joined a new church and went at it on my own. I started over sleep training him. I would sit every nap and night by his bed, tell him to close his eyes and sit there until he was asleep. Then back out of his room. This overcame the crying.

At age 3 there were language delays and so we sought help. He got an autism diagnosis - but we were told probably "Asperger's Syndrome" and very mild - would recover with therapy. I was very hopeful. We sunk our whole life into recovery. I worked hard with him and began uncovering the Ezzo controversy. It was so much of my life everything I read. Crying while he cried, trying to get away from the sounds of his cries, ignoring my intuition, being too strict for age level. I also learned about Attachment Disorder at this time. He was so little that half of it was not appropriate to judge him with. But a lot of it was like autism and like my son. By this time, my second son was a year and I was seeing a new phenomenon. I was seeing what a normal healthy parent/child relationship was like and further knew that something was wrong.

After therapy for over a year in different classrooms - he suddenly had almost no autistic symptoms, save for some mild language difficulties and social awkwardness. But at home things were worse than ever. Everyone was showing me this miraculous recovery while I was living a nightmare with a child who was unteachable in the realm of obedience. Not one consequence worked for this child. On several occasions he had his ENTIRE toy collection removed for a week or more - and did not care or ever ask for them. And it did nothing to deter the behavior from happening. He did beautiful time outs, never left the chair, faced the wall if I asked and did exactly as told, but it never changed a thing. We even resorted to spanking a few more times in desperation - but he didn't care because spankings to him are short-lived and just not bad enough to stop what he was doing. Unlike what the Ezzo's think, our spankings were not to soft - he did cry. We were consistent - if he threw a fit at the park - we left on the first fit, not the third. If he back talked at a friends house, we left. If we were going somewhere fun and he was disrespectful, we didn't go. Sure he was upset that he didn't get to go, but it never stopped him from doing that again, didn't even cause him to think twice. He was also becoming aggressive and inappropriate. If he shoved his little brother and made him cry - he laughed. We have always (and he does it every time) made him give hugs and apologies but if you ask him "do you feel bad for doing that?" he says "no" and you know it is the truth. He does not feel empathy or sympathy of any kind.

Fast forward to today. Now he's 4. No conscience whatsoever. Never feels bad for what he's done wrong, will say things like "look the other way" when he wants to take something or lie straight to my face even if the evidence is in my hand (crazy lying). He has rage, where he will kick, scream and freak out from 10 minutes to 2 hours and any attempts to stop the rage is met with horrendous behaviors. It is better to sit through the rage with him because when it's done, he feels better and listens better. He can recite every rule ever taught to him, yet follows them less than 5% of the time. Is polite (please/thank you/excuse me) and well mannered (stays at the table when told, cleans his place up, does chores) and very smart (testing up to age 7 in some areas) but cross his path at the wrong moment and you are likely to be punched, screamed at or have things thrown at you. If you try punishment of any kind the rage starts. We have started giving him extra chores when this happens - like scrubbing things or mopping because nothing else works. Try giving a spanking during a rage and you are likely to have a monster for 3 or 4 days afterwards, not worth it. He fits Reactive Attachment Disorder to a perfect T. His diagnosis is going to be removed now (tested today and that's the idea I was told). No one will know for sure if he was autistic before, or if this is severe RAD. I've read over and over that severe RAD is very much like those other disorders like ADHD, ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) and autism. But RAD is quirky, something has to happen to set it off. Most kids with RAD are adopted and separation from the birth mother and less human contact set it off. Some kids are severely neglected or abused - this is clearly not the case here. The only other factors that really give an inclination are excessive crying in infancy and lots of ear infections. Separate the two and you don't have much but put them together and they can spell and infant in emotional turmoil. Enough to detach from the world. I suppose he could be some miraculous recovery child, but honestly, autism is so much more and while these kids can become fully functional, they are always a bit different. My son is normal and well behaved until a trigger happens - then he's like a monster.

PART TWO FROM MOM #8
(her reply when I asked her if the contact mom knew how long her baby was crying)

Yes the CM knew how long babyname [was crying] but I didn't call her everyday. I had that new-mom unsure whether I was driving everyone nuts asking questions fear. He cried at variable lengths. There were the occasional day without crying - but if I averaged them out - about 30 to 40 minutes per sleep time. Some days were over an hour, some were the 10-15 minute jaunts. I never just "left him" crying I always went in and checked on him or patted his back for a minute - but never picked him up and he often never settled when I did that. On the few occasions that I did pick him up - he screamed and kicked and could not settle down.

Read more case studies on Page One and Page Three of this overview.