It breaks my heart
I don't normally get a chance to watch Oprah because I usually don't get home till after 5PM. Yesterday, because I went in early, I got home in time to catch the whole show. Her guest stars were Venus and Serena Williams and Jada Pinkett Smith. They were talking about how there is an epidemic in this country. A epidemic of young girls and women hating who they are. One girl, who was like 13, had already had 8 sexual partners because she felt that guys wouldn't like her if she didn't "put out". Another girl called herself and "ugly beast". She didn't want to be seen by anyone because she thought she was hideous and that no guy would ever love her. Another girl hated her body because her mother always tell her that she could stand to lose a few pounds,

I sat there and cried because I can relate to what these girls are going through and it breaks my heart to see them in this state. I don't think we realize how the words that come out of our mouths are perceived by the people we are talking to. Sometimes we say things that we think are helpful. Like the mother who tells her daughter she could lose a few pounds. I am sure this mother loves her daughter and wants her to be healthy and happy. But as the therapist pointed out on the show...Shame never creates change. Maybe this mother, instead of pointing out the daughters flaws, should point out her strengths. Maybe they could do activities together. Take a walk in the evenings, go hiking at a park of the weekends....something.

I don't often talk about this but maybe it could help someone. Growing up my sister was always the petite one.I was heavier. I was going through puberty and still had some baby fat to lose. But I never hated myself. Well not until my dad made a certain comment to me. A family friend had given my sister this beautiful pink dress to wear to prom. It had been her daughter's and she never got a chance to wear it. It was hanging up so that some of the wrinkles could fall out and I decided to go in and take a closer look. My dad walked by and saw me admiring the dress and said to me, "You know if you were so fat, you could wear a dress like that." It was at that moment that I realized there was something wrong with me. I looked in the mirror and no longer did I see the confident girl I was but this horrible, ugly monster. Who would never be admired. It was then that I decided that something had to be done. I started starving myself. I got really good at hiding it from my family. I would skip breakfast and lunch and would eat very little for dinner. The weight started falling off. But still when I looked in the mirror...all I saw was fat. In college it got worse. I was so afraid of gaining the "freshman 15", that I would go all day without food. Sometimes I would just eat half a bagel and maybe and apple. It took finally passing out in the hallway of my dorm for me to realize that I had a big problem. I have gotten better but I still struggle with a poor body image. One of my boyfriends once told me that I never hear the word beautiful but I don't miss the word fat.

I know in my mind that I am smart and successful but that one little comment from my dad did so much damage and I am not sure he ever realized it. I think as a society we need to stop and think before we speak. Try thinking about how you would want someone to speak to you. We need to stop tearing people down and started building them up. Be encouraging rather than discouraging. Let the people around you know that you love them and that they could conquer the world. We need to get the media to stop telling us that we are ugly and realize that we are all beautiful in our own way. We all have something great to offer.