Mood:  loud

And I can pretty much guarantee it won’t be pleasant for anyone.

I got a chance to call my Aunt Buddie last night. I have avoided calling her just because I knew that she was extremely unhappy about being in assisted living and I know that I would have to hear how miserable she is. I wanted to give her some time to get settled.

She answered the phone in her normal Aunt B voice but when she heard it was me her voiced changed to the “poor, feeble, unhappy” Aunt B. She told me that I needed to come take her out of this hell hole. She wants to go back to her house and that if mom likes this place so much then she could stay there and how horrible the staff was to her and how she had asked for chipped beef and gravy for breakfast and they brought her runny eggs, one piece of toast and cold coffee. She said she hopes we are not doing to her what Mabel’s daughter did.  Put her in a home and sell off all her stuff. I asked her if she honestly thought, after all we have done for her over the years, hat we were over selling off her stuff. I told her the reason Mabel’s daughter sold the cottage was that Mabel could no longer make decisions for herself because of memory loss and confusion. She didn’t answer me but instead starting talking about the coffee and said that sometimes in the afternoon she wants coffee but that they won’t give it to her. I stated that there was coffee service right outside her room. She said she shouldn’t have to walk out there to get coffee. I informed her that it was the same distance from her living room into her kitchen at home. She didn’t like that answer either. She then started making stuff up to make the place seem horrible but I called her on it. I told her that they did not make her wait an hour for her breakfast after dragging her down to the dining room. She also said that no one has checked on her which I pointed out that at the beginning of the conversation she said the nurse had just stopped by to see if she needed help getting down to the dining room. She also complained about having diarrhea all day and that no one cared. I asked her if she told the nurse she wasn’t feeling well and she said no. Well then how the hell can you expect them to know if you don’t tell them? When ever I came back with an answer she didn’t like all I heard was…”I don’t like it here and I want to go home!” It was talking to a 5 year old.

She said that she was going to have a serious talk with mom and that it wasn’t going to be pleasant. I stopped her mid sentence and told her that she needed to show mom a bit of respect. Of course I got well she didn’t show me respect by putting me in here. I said that none of us get any pleasure from her being there. I would love nothing more than for her to be in her cottage. We are all worried about her safety and know that she has been lucky so far that she hasn’t broken anything during her recent falls but that her luck would soon run out and I would rather her be in assisted living than be n a nursing home which is where she will end up should she fall again. She stated that if we didn’t want to care for her then she would find someone else that would. I stopped her there and told her that all we do is care for her. Mom travels 50 miles round trip every time she calls and never asks for a dime to help pay for gas. She has been getting her groceries, taking her to doctor appointments, and sorting out her medication.  But it is apparent that she needs round the clock care and mom just can’t provide that because she has a full time job. Mom isn’t doing this to be mean, she is doing it out of love and that if she gave it a chance she might just like it. She knows she can’t argue with me like she does mom and because I don’t put up with it. Mom can be a bit more diplomatic than I am. Aunt Buddie quickly changed the subject to when am I coming home and when will I be by to see her. I allowed her to change the subject because I knew that she could only take so much and I knew she was starting to cry. When we ended the conversation it was upbeat and positive about seeing up and maybe the baby and it would give her something to look forward to.

Mom then called her about an hour later and Aunt Buddie laid into her. It was so bad that mom called me on the verge of tears. I felt bad that I couldn’t talk to her but we had just sat down for dinner and Lennie had reached his “Aunt Buddie Drama” quota for the night. Luckily Aunt Pat called her after I hung up so she got the brunt of it. When I called her back after dinner she was much calmer. I reminded mom that the staff told us it would be rough for a few weeks and that Aunt Buddie is scared and that mom is the only one right now she can take it out on. Mom has to go over today to take Aunt B. to the doctors and I know the car ride will be more of the same from last night.

Mom said she will call me later to tell me how it went. There is one thing I will not tolerate from Aunt Buddie and that is a lack of respect. Mom has done so much for her and she doesn’t need to act ugly. I have a feeling she and I are going to have to have a come to Jesus meeting. I don’t care if she gets mad at me I can take it but poor mom is just trying to do the right thing and is losing sleep and is just being beaten down.

Thanks for letting me rant.