It breaks my heart
I don't normally get a chance to watch Oprah because I usually don't get home till after 5PM. Yesterday, because I went in early, I got home in time to catch the whole show. Her guest stars were Venus and Serena Williams and Jada Pinkett Smith. They were talking about how there is an epidemic in this country. A epidemic of young girls and women hating who they are. One girl, who was like 13, had already had 8 sexual partners because she felt that guys wouldn't like her if she didn't "put out". Another girl called herself and "ugly beast". She didn't want to be seen by anyone because she thought she was hideous and that no guy would ever love her. Another girl hated her body because her mother always tell her that she could stand to lose a few pounds,

I sat there and cried because I can relate to what these girls are going through and it breaks my heart to see them in this state. I don't think we realize how the words that come out of our mouths are perceived by the people we are talking to. Sometimes we say things that we think are helpful. Like the mother who tells her daughter she could lose a few pounds. I am sure this mother loves her daughter and wants her to be healthy and happy. But as the therapist pointed out on the show...Shame never creates change. Maybe this mother, instead of pointing out the daughters flaws, should point out her strengths. Maybe they could do activities together. Take a walk in the evenings, go hiking at a park of the weekends....something.

I don't often talk about this but maybe it could help someone. Growing up my sister was always the petite one.I was heavier. I was going through puberty and still had some baby fat to lose. But I never hated myself. Well not until my dad made a certain comment to me. A family friend had given my sister this beautiful pink dress to wear to prom. It had been her daughter's and she never got a chance to wear it. It was hanging up so that some of the wrinkles could fall out and I decided to go in and take a closer look. My dad walked by and saw me admiring the dress and said to me, "You know if you were so fat, you could wear a dress like that." It was at that moment that I realized there was something wrong with me. I looked in the mirror and no longer did I see the confident girl I was but this horrible, ugly monster. Who would never be admired. It was then that I decided that something had to be done. I started starving myself. I got really good at hiding it from my family. I would skip breakfast and lunch and would eat very little for dinner. The weight started falling off. But still when I looked in the mirror...all I saw was fat. In college it got worse. I was so afraid of gaining the "freshman 15", that I would go all day without food. Sometimes I would just eat half a bagel and maybe and apple. It took finally passing out in the hallway of my dorm for me to realize that I had a big problem. I have gotten better but I still struggle with a poor body image. One of my boyfriends once told me that I never hear the word beautiful but I don't miss the word fat.

I know in my mind that I am smart and successful but that one little comment from my dad did so much damage and I am not sure he ever realized it. I think as a society we need to stop and think before we speak. Try thinking about how you would want someone to speak to you. We need to stop tearing people down and started building them up. Be encouraging rather than discouraging. Let the people around you know that you love them and that they could conquer the world. We need to get the media to stop telling us that we are ugly and realize that we are all beautiful in our own way. We all have something great to offer.

Days like today were made for playing hooky.
Mood:  chillin'
If I wasn't early ranger this week I would have taken a mental health day today. It is so nice out. The weather man said we should be up in the 80's by lunchtime. It makes it really hard to be in the office.

I really over did it yesterday. Saturday I spent the day trying to recover from having a cold. So all I did was sleep and take it easy. That night I decided to take myself off the Nyquil. Big Mistake! Because I had slept all day I wasn't at all tired that night. I got up at 3AM and watched The Goblet of Fire for the 3rd time in a 24 hour period. Then at 7AM on Sunday I decided to go for a hike. It was cool out and there wasn't a soul to be found. I estimated that I walked about 5 miles...felt great! I get back to my car and noticed how dirty my car was. So I stopped at the store and got a roll of quarters and went to one of those do-it-yourself places. I finally get home and as I was walking up to my apartment I thought, "The car could you a nice waxing." So I get my bucket of car care stuff and I headed back outside. By this point, the day was starting to heat up. There I stood out in the heat waxing and detailing my car. Took me a good 3 hours. I finally finished and as I walked back up the stairs to my apartment I felt a little wobbley. You know...like the feeling you get after riding a bike for a long period of time. I have no clue what I was thinking. I get like that sometimes when I am sick. I feel the need to clean everything in site. Like that is some how going to make me feel better.

Oh well. I get off early today so I can go home and rest. Maybe I just need to eat a few more Girl Scout Cookies. :)

The Magical Mystical Power of Cookies
Mood:  a-ok
One of my many weakness in life is Girl Scout Cookies. A couple of weeks ago I was going into a store when I noticed a group of girls set up selling cookies. I, of course wanting to contribute to charity, decided to buy a couple of boxes.

Last night while finishing up the last box I noticed a message written on the side of the box. It read:

You'd be surprised what a Girl Scout Cookie can build...

Strong Values
Strong Minds
Strong Bodies
Strong Spirit
Strong Friendships
Strong Skills
Strong Leadership
Strong Community.


Wow that is a powerful little cookie. I am thinking with a few more cookies I could take over the world. I guess I should go out and buy 4 more boxes. :)

Lets get the weekend started
Mood:  chillin'
Thank God it is finally Friday. What a long week this has been. My boss has been out after having knee surgery and everyone in the office has been trying to pick up the slack. It has put me so far behind on my normal duties. I spent all morning printing reports and updated spreadsheets. I was working so hard and was confident that several hours had past. When I finally finished...I looked up at the clock and it was only 9:30 AM. *sigh* I thought for sure it was almost lunch time. I need to stop being to efficient.

We were suppose to take the boat out today to look for an eagle nest that has recently been found by a volunteer. Unfortunately it has been too windy and the trip my be canceled. Oh well...maybe next week.

I have been fighting a losing battle with a cold this week and I think it is time to surrender. Other than dinner and drinks out with some friends visiting from out of town...I will be relaxing and recovering at home.

Hope everyone has a great week and remember that March 17th is St. Patrick's Day. Don't forget to where green. If you are looking for events in Raleigh visit Annie Nice's webpage at http://irisheventsnc.com There is a ton of great local info on this site. I know that Tir Na Nog will have tons of stuff going on. Check it out.

Its almost Friday
Mood:  lazy
Don't you feel like doing this to some people?

Well I did my first school program with Seamor Safety (our robotronic sea serpent on a jestski). It went really well although I forgot a line but the other ranger and I do really well improvising together so we were able to cover up any mistakes.

I am so excited that my boyfriend's sister has agreed to paint a mural on our new puppet stage. She is a fabulous artist and I can't wait to see how it will turn out.

My boyfriend has had a rough week. 4 of his students were killed in a car accident Saturday night. They were coming off an exit ramp, going 115 mph and hit a cement barrier and landed in a ravine. The car burst into flames upon impact killing the students. It has been so sad. The students were all seniors and Brent (the BF) knew one of them really well. His whole week has been spent at wakes and funerals and helping other students deal with the tragedy. It is just a shame that they had to die so young.

It is odd how it happens...
Mood:  happy
A few weeks ago I was going through some old pictures and I came across a couple of two girls who were my best friends in high school. Liz McCabe and Tammy Basore. I looked at the pictures of us on the Merry-go-round in Washington, DC and it made me smile. I felt bad that I had lost touch with so many people that I knew back then.

Well Saturday night I opened my email to find one from Tammy. She had been on classmates.com and saw my profile and decided to send me a note to say hi. I couldn't believe that I was reading an email from her.

She has a great life now. She is engaged and has a little boy, who she adores and is working in Frederick.

I was so happy to have heard from her. It felt odd that one day I am looking at her picture and the next day I get an email from her. I hope I can keep in touch with her and maybe a few others I used to know.

For Fun
My mom sent this link to me this morning. Thought it was cute. Make sure you have your speakers on.

http://www.barry.fireflyinternet.co.uk/fun/files/pilot.htm

Starting today you can send my mail to the Montrose Clinic for the Mentally Insane
Mood:  don't ask
What a week this has been. I am so thankful it is Friday. I am starting to get burned out.

Last night I stopped by the store on my way home from work and got a few items I needed. Two of these items were toilet paper and a bottle of wine. I came home and unpacked everything and put it away. Later that evening I got up to get a glass of wine. I opened the fridge and saw the package of toilet paper sitting inside. Which meant I had put the bottle of wine under the bathroom sink. *sigh* I still can't find what I did with the can of tomato soup. It will show up eventually...I hope.

I need a vacation in the worst way. LOL At least this wasn't as bad as the time I left my apartment to go to work and made it all the way down to my car before realizing I didn't have any shoes on. LOL

Oh well at least I can laugh at myself.

The forest is on fire!!!!
Mood:  energetic
For the most part I love dealing with the public. But there are a select few that just wear on my nerves.

The wildlife Commission is doing some prescribed burning in a area close to my office as well as several high priced neighborhoods. When we do burning of any sort we will typically get calls from the public making sure we are aware the forest is on fire. These calls I understand and appreciate because these people are keeping an eye out for trouble. You tell them it is a prescribed burn and they say, "oh okay" and hang up. Nothing more ever said.

This morning I get a call from a woman in one of the high priced neighborhoods. She asked what was going on and I explained about the burning. She was outraged and said that large pieces of ash were floating in her yard and that it was very smokey. I explained that when we do a burn we try to minimize the impact of smoke and ash to residents but that sometimes the wind changes direction and that it can't be helped. The lady then wanted us to stop burning immediately. I explained that we couldn't do that. That if she had a complaint or damage to her property she would have to contact the wildlife commission who was doing the burning. She then asked me why the Corps was taking out all the trees in that area. Were we putting in a boat ramp? I explained that it is a timber harvest and that again this was something the wildlife commission was doing and that they were only doing a selective thinning (just taking the larger trees). I explained that we do it to enhance wildlife. She became outraged again saying that the residents should have been allowed to vote on such matters as burning and tree cutting in their backyards.

I wanted to scream. Do your freaking research before you buy a house. If you buy property next to public lands you will have to put up with the management practices of the controlling agency. Also try opening your mail once in awhile. Letters were sent to all property owners explaining what was being done and why.

I drove out to her property this morning after talking to her. You can smell the smoke in the air but you couldn't see it and I did see any pieces of ash floating around. There are just some people in this world who have nothing better to do than complain. I really want to tell these people to get a hobby

On a lighter note. It feels like a spring morning outside. It is almost 50 degrees and we are expected to be in the 70's later today. The trees are budding and the some of the flowers are in bloom.

I have the windows by my desk open. *takes a deep breath* Wonderful!!! I only wish it was going to stay like this for the weekend. They said we are suppose to get cooler and perhaps have some rain. :( I would like just once to have nice weather on the weekend.

Please tell me it is Friday
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Work
I am so excited. Our Outreach Coordinator has become the national coordinator for Seamoor Safety. A remote controlled purple sea monster that rides on the back of a jetski. (see picture below) He is awesome. With the controller you can move him around and when you talk through the headset your voice gets distorted into a child like voice and his mouth moves and eyes blink. We have come up with a program where a ranger and Seamoor interact and talk about how kids can stay safe in and around water. We will be doing our first trial run at a school next week. I will be the voice of seamoor. So excited. We took him out today to play with him and get the feel for running him and talking through him. It was funny to see people's reaction to him. There is a small microphone on his jetski that I can hear what people say to him and I can respond. Very cute!!!

It's only Monday
Mood:  lazy
Some of you have told me that you are having trouble viewing the pictures on the picture link. I have decided to create an album on Angelfire so hopefully this will be better than the previous link to snapfish. For those of you who had trouble...check out the new link and let me know if you still have problems.

The weekend was uneventful. Which is good. After the stressful week I had last week I needed some time to just relax. My boyfriend took me out to dinner on Saturday to a place called Frankies. It is a big arcade/amusement land kind of place that has an upscale Italian Restaurant inside it. We ate dinner and played a few games and then headed over to a little bar to drink beer and play trivia.

Once we got back to my place we sat in his jeep and talked for several hours. We had gotten into a huge fight before he left for Daytona and not talking about it for two weeks really took its toll on the relationship. We finally got everything out in the air and I hope that things will get better. We are both concentrating on the wrong things in this relationship and I think we may finally be on the same page. *keeping fingers crossed*

Just for fun
Those who know me, know that I am a huge LOST fan. A friend sent me this quiz and thought those of you who love the show would enjoy it.

Jack You scored 67% kindness, 50% courage, 39% seedy past, and 53% secretiveness!

"We're not savages, Kate. Not yet." You are Jack. You are compassionate, heroic, and a bit of a martyr. You are brave and a natural leader. However, you shouldn't keep so much bottled up inside. You are so busy taking care of others that you have no time or energy to take care of yourself. Take a load off once in a while and play some golf with Hurley. You need to relax pretty soon or else you'll be no good for anyone anymore - including yourself! Your polar opposite is: Shannon. You are similar to: Boone and Sayid.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 64% on kindness You scored higher than 56% on courage You scored higher than 53% on seedy past You scored higher than 55% on secretiveness

Link: The Which Lost Character Are You Test written by ack_attack on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Rain Rain Go Away...
Mood:  hungry
Topic: Family
Well my visit with my Mom was fantastic. All we did was shop and eat. For those of you in the Raleigh area if you haven't tried Tir Na Nog's Sunday Brunch you have got to go. They had the best bread pudding I have ever had. If you do go...go after noon. That is when they start serving the mimosas and bloody mary's.

We went to see Nanny McPhee on Sunday. It was excellent...I cried. But then again I cry at just about everything. We had wanted to see Broke Back Mountain but the only theater playing it was clear across town.

Mom left Monday afternoon and it felt odd not having someone to entertain. Fenwick the cat is glad to have things back to normal and has spent the last two evenings curled up on the new throw blanket that my mom bought for me. I tried to take it from him last night so that I could curl up underneath it and watch TV and he growled at me. Ungrateful cat!

Well I guess I should be going. I am spending the day cleaning my desk and most of the office. We have some big wigs from our district office coming tomorrow and we have to get ready for our "dog and pony show" *sigh* Oh well at least they will only be here for the day.

My Mom shouldn't tell jokes...
Mood:  happy
Topic: Family
I was talking to my mother last night trying to plan things to do when she visits this weekend. Towards the end of the conversation she tells me that she has a joke to tell me and it went something like this...

This man encounters a Genie. The Genie says to the man, "I will grant you three wishes" The man says, "yeah right" The genie say, "Well ask for something and see that I am telling the truth." So the man wishes for a beautiful oasis. POOF the Genie creates an oasis.

The Genie says, "See I didn't lie to you. Now make your next wish." The man then asks to be be incredibly handsome. POOF the Genie makes the guy a hottie.

The Genie then says to him, "What is your 3rd wish?" The guy thinks about it and says, "I want to be what every woman needs." POOF the Genie turns him into a Tampon.

My mother then says, "Do you know what the moral of the story is?"

My response: "No?"

MOM: The IRS never does anything without a string attached.

There was silence as I tried to figure out what the IRS had to do with a Genie granting wishes. She then laughs and says...no wait it wasn't a Genie...it was an IRS agent that granted the wishes.

LIL Even with the correction to her joke I didn't find it all that funny. I am sure there was probably more to the joke that she had forgotten. Oh well...bless her heart she tries.

I am excited about her visit. Now that I live in NC I don't get to see my family very often. I have tons of stuff planned so I hope she will have a good time.

The Great Fish Rescue
Mood:  happy
Topic: Work
Today was a fun day. USGS needed us to shut the gates on the dam so they could drain the river to run a few tests. My job along with two other co-workers were to rescue fish in the river who got stranded when the water receded. This time of year the larger fish are down in deep pools trying to keep warm so I wasn't expecting to see a lot. We rescued several small catfish, two eels, about 5 crayfish, 1 small carp, and a bunch of little minnows. It is amazing what you see when the water is all gone. Very neat.

It is days like today that I love my job. Tomorrow I get to attend a bird and plant ID workshop. So excited.

I'M BACK!
Topic: Work
Well the trip to Huntsville was actually pretty good. I learned a lot and made many new business contacts. The weather there was COLD but we didn't have to go outside much.

The plane ride from Charlotte to Huntsville was a little harrowing. They put us on this little baby planelette. You know the kind with two propellers. Well we got out on to the runway and the pilot called the flight attendant on the phone. Which was odd because he could have just opened the door and yelled at him. But anyway apparently there were 3 seats empty at the back of the plane and the pilot needed us to fill in those seats or the plane would not get off the ground. WHAT? At this point I wasn't sure I wanted to be on he plane. I went to volunteer to move and the guy beside me grabbed my hand and told me that God had chosen me to be in this seat for some reason. Okay...nut job. We got to Huntsville and entered a nasty storm. The plane at one point dropped several feet scaring the crap out of me. I was so glad when we finally landed.

On the flight back to Raleigh some guy got in trouble for using his cell phone while we were in the air. Come on people. The flight is only 30 minutes. Who do you have to talk to that bad that they can't wait till you land.

I am glad to be home and trying hard to catch up on work.

I'M OFF!!!
Mood:  don't ask
Well I am all packed and ready for my trip to Alabama. Listening to the news this morning I heard them say that Hunstville is suppose to get some snow today. Then they said that the day I come back...Raleigh will get some snow. GREAT! Just my luck. I hate to fly but worse I hate to fly in bad weather. Keeping my fingers crossed that I sit my someone nice on the plane.

Morning Prayer
Mood:  caffeinated
"So far today I'm doing all right. I have not gossiped, lost my temper, been grumpy, greedy, nasty, selfish, or self-indulgent. I have not whined, cursed, or eaten any chocolate. However, I am going to get out of bed in a few minutes, and I will need a lot more help after that."

-Unknown

The Government is watching you...
Topic: Work
It amazes me what people will do when they don't know they are being watched.

About a year ago we installed a security camera and every so often I will go to the monitor just to see what is going on outside. Well today as I was turning the camera around I noticed something that looked a little odd on the dam. I zoomed in and noticed two men in their 50's flying a kite. That's right...a kite. I watched them for awhile in amazement and then watched as one guy looked around...not seeing anyone he walked over to the cement wall...unzipped and proceeded to urinate on the wall...right out there in the open in broad daylight. I decided to sound the alarm to scare him off and from his reaction I think he peed all over his jeans. whoops. LOL

Adds comedy to my life.

All is quiet on the home front
Mood:  lazy
Fridays are always quiet here. We have some rangers that are on an alternate work schedule so they have off every other Friday. My boss called in this morning and said he hurt his leg and is unable to walk on it so he wont make it in today. So that only leave 3 of us in office. It is so nice out today (will be in the 70's this afternoon) which makes it hard to be stuck in the office. None of us seem to be motivated to do much of anything. I will have to find an excuse to go out. I am duty ranger this week so I can just say that I have to go out and patrol.

I leave Monday for a week long trip to Huntsville, AL. Not looking forward to it AT ALL. I always enjoy meeting rangers from other projects but Alabama is not an exciting travel destination. Plus I hate to fly. Oh well I will be there to learn not sight see.

I played around with the blog site and added some links (They are on the right hand side of the screen) Some people have complained that the pictures on my site were old so there are some updated ones as well as the pictures from my trip to Ireland.

Enjoy!