I don't care if monday's blue...
Mood:  spacey
Well I am all packed and ready for my trip. At least that is what I keep telling myself. This trip wont be as bad as others I have been on because I will know at least 4 people in my class. One of which I work with. I hate going to sessions where I don't know a soul. I never seem to have trouble making friends or talking to people so I don't really know why I get so nervous about it.

Fenwick my cat tried to stow away in my suitcase this morning. I had it sitting on the bed with the top closed but not zipped. I finished getting ready and went over to zip up the suitcase. As I did I felt something move. I opened it up and there Fenwick laid with his head down on his paws and a look on his face like, "please mom take me with you, see I can be good." It broke my heart. I hate to leave my pets. I have a great pet sitter but I still hate to be away from them for more than a day. It is hard to sleep without Fenwick curled up by my side...purring softly.

Well I should get back to work. I have a ton of stuff to do today before I leave. Take care all and I will chat with you when I get back.

Attention Target Shoppers
Target has always been one of my favorite stores. I would much rather shop there than Walmart. I am sure the merchandise is the same in both stores but Target has always seemed a little bit more upscale. I had no idea how much until I went in yesterday looking for a coat.

My mother had gotten my sister a trendy black trench coat from Target for Christmas. I was thinking about the dress I would be wearing to lasts night concert and realized that my dress coat would be way too heavy for the evening. I thought about Anne's coat and thought it would be perfect. I had seen a similar coat at a Target store on the other end of town. I decided however to check out the new Target that had opened at the trendy new mall a few blocks from my apartment.

I walked into the store and it looked like every other Target I had every been in. I went over to the section where the coats usually are and searched and searched but didn't see a single coat. I then spotted a worker hanging out by the dressing rooms. I approached the lady who immediately turned her back to me to appear to be busy with something. I must have said, "Excuse me...miss." 20 times before she finally turned around. She looked at me and said sort of disgruntled, "Yes, may I help you?" I then asked, "I was wondering if you have any coats?" She proceeded to look me up and down and then said in kind of a snotty manner, "For you?" I wanted to respond, "No actually some women has been going around the store looking for coats and I just thought I would help her out by asking you." But I was good. I simply smiled and said, "Yes, for me." She looked me over again and replied, "Ummm....no." Wanted to get away from this woman quickly I thanked her and started to walk away. As I turned she said, "Wait a second let me call someone." She sighed like it was a huge inconvenience. She radioed some woman and asked if they had anymore Merdona jackets. What? I never said anything about a Merdona jacket. I wanted the Mossimmo trench. But I couldn't stop her. I kept trying to interrupt and she would say, "Just wait a second...she is checking." Finally the woman radios back with a "no". So I smiled...thanked her again and walked away. I decided that I had had enough with coats and thought maybe a new pair of shoes would brighten things up.

I was checking out a cute pair of sandals when this women comes up to me and whispers, "I heard you were looking for a coat?" I wondered why we were whispering but decided to play along. So I whispered back, "Yes, but they are apparently all out." She whispers back, "They have coats. I don't know why she told you that. Follow me and I will take you to them." I felt like I was some sort of outcast that this women was trying to sneak past the coat Nazi in order to get me a coat that I apparently wasn't good enough to purchase. The shoe section that I was in was right across from where this woman wanted to take me but we had to go all the way up through the jewelry and purses and come back down the isle. We were on a secret mission....trying the whole time to avoid being detected by the enemy. We finally arrived at a rack and there...sure enough...was the coat I had been wanting. I thanked the woman for her help and grabbed the coat and proceed to the check out lane.

Never in a million years would I have thought that I would have been treated like that. I could probably except it if I was going into some place like Sax Fifth Avenue. Who would have thought I wasn't good enough to shop at Target. I don't know what that woman was doing getting all uppity. She works at a discount department store. I can bet that I make more than she does. Even though this Target is closer to my house, I think I will stick to going to the one on the other side of town. Apparently I fit in better with that sort of crowd.

Can't beat Fridays
Mood:  caffeinated
The concert last night was FANTASTIC. The seats were good and the music was incredible. A big thanks to Josh who agreed to go with me at the last minute.

A had taken the who day off yesterday and I used it as a day to pamper myself. I had a couple of chores to do but for the most part I relaxed. I went and had a massage in the afternoon. Followed by a trip to the hairdresser to get my hair curled and my makeup done for the concert last night. I went shopping at Target (one of my favorite stores) then back home to lay on the couch and watch tv until it was time to leave for the show.

I didn't get home last night till late and I hated to have to get up this morning. But it is Friday and should be pretty quiet around here. I just have a few things to finish up before I leave for Tampa on Monday.

I had had big plans for the weekend but they got postponed till next weekend. So I plan on just relaxing and getting packed for the trip. I still have my date Saturday night so we shall see how that goes.

Have a great weekend everyone!!!!

The sun is out...the birds are signing...the flowers are in bloom
Mood:  happy
Things are shaping up to be a really great week. After the break up I obtain custody of two tickets to the Celtic Women Concert for this Thursday. I had to scramble around to find someone to go with me who didn't already have plans. I had no problem going by myself but I really hated the ticket to go to waste. A friend of mine called me back and has agreed to go. I was shocked when he offered because I didn't really think it was his kind of scene. He may be just taking pity on me. LOL But thanks to all of you who tried to change your schedules and a special thanks to Alex and Bryan who offered to fly in just for the occasion. I have great friends! Also....Alex, thanks for the chocolate cheesecake and the flowers. Two things that always brighten up my day. :)

I may have a date on Saturday. Things are still up in the air. Not on his side but mine. I am trying to work somethings out so that we can at the very least do dinner.

I have taken tomorrow off and I am looking forward to sleep in. I have some errand to run that I can't do on weekends. I also have to start getting things ready for my trip to Tampa next week. *sigh* Before you get all excited...this isn't for pleasure. I am taking a training course which I hear from others is really boring. But our hotel is 2 miles from Bush Gardends so I am hoping we will have time to make a trip there.

A door closes and a window opens somewhere....
Mood:  a-ok
"Other Side Of The World"

Over the sea and far away
She's waiting like an iceberg
Waiting to change
But she's cold inside
She wants to be like the water

All the muscles tighten in her face
Buries her soul in one embrace
They're one and the same
Just like water

The fire fades away
Most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's to hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're the other side of the world to me

On comes the panic light
Holding on with fingers and feelings alike
But the time has come
To move along

The fire fades away

Can you help me
Can you let me go
And can you still love me
When you can't see me anymore

The fire fades away

- KT Tunstall

IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!
Mood:  lucky

There are days when I REALLY love my job.
Mood:  happy
Wednesday afternoon our Forester came and told me that the National Guard would be doing our yearly Helicopter flight on Thursday. Every year we fly a helicopter over the lake to look at the shoreline, eagles, and encroachments. The past two years someone else has always volunteered to go along on the flight so I NEVER thought I would have a shot.

Well this morning my boss came in and said he had wanted to go but was afraid, after just having surgery on his knee, that it would be too much for him. He asked one of the other staff members who is a higher grade than me and he said no. So then my boss looked at me and asked if I would like to go. I said YES without thinking. He then handed me a barf bag and sent me on my way.

We arrived at the National Guard compound and were escorted up stairs to meet with our pilot and to fill out some paperwork. Which just ended up being a torn off slip of paper that we had to put our name and our SS# on. At this point I started to get a little nervous. I have heard stories from other rangers about getting motion sickness and people throwing up Cheerios and getting the Cheerios stuck in their nose . I thought to myself, "what the hell have I done?"

Our pilot finally came in and introduced himself. His name was Ty and he reassured us that it was going to be a great flight. I started to relax a little.

Then proceeded out to the tarmac to load our stuff up in the helicopter. It was a tiny little tin can. Army green of course..but it was cute. Ty then open up the door where I would be sitting and tried to explain to me how the harness would be fastened. There were these straps that came over your shoulders with these loops on the end. You had to feed the loops onto this bar thing that was attached to the lap belt. Then you had to feed this metal thing over the bar and through the loops and then lock it all into place. Simple....right? Then he pointed out the first aid kit and fire extinguisher, should at some point I need it. Now we come to the good part. Ty begins giving us a speech we now refer to as "the death speech" He starts out by saying, "In the event that we have to make a hard landing and I become incapacitated you will leave me strapped in with my helmet on so we can avoid spinal injuries and here is how you work this complicated radio I have back here and if the helicopter should catch on fire leave the helicopter right away but not while the blades are spinning .." Woe wait a minute back up here. What kind of death trap am I about to climb into? As he finishes the speech all I am able to hear is...incapacitated, fire, decapitating spinning blades, spinal injuries, ball of flames, you will never make it back from this trip alive so go ahead and call your family so they can start to plan your funeral.

Ty then helps me into my seat and I frantically try to remember how to fasten the harness, but I was so nervous that my hands were shaking. I guess Ty saw I was having trouble so he came over to help. Which wasn't bad having him strap me in because he was a cutie. After I am secure he hands me my headphones and plugs me into the system so that I can hear him when we take off. Our Forester climbs into the front seat and has no problem getting her harness on. I must have looked really nervous because the guys outside the copter who were helping us prepare to take off kept walking past my window and giving me the thumbs up. Like this was somehow going to reassure me. Ty then climbs into his seat and apparently does a radio check to see if we are both okay. I say "apparently" because he turns to look at me like, "why are you answer me?" He mouthed, "can you hear me?" I said no. It was then discovered that my headset didn't work. GREAT! Now I will have no way of knowing if he becomes incapacitated and we are about to crash to our deaths. Was it too late to back out?

The blades began to spin which shook everything and when they finally got up to speed we lifted up off the ground. It was such an odd feeling. It was like all the sudden you were weightless. It only took a few minutes to reach the lake. We only had a couple of moments where the wind would knock us around but all in all it wasn't bad. I was very impressed with myself...I didn't get queasy once. It did suck not having a working headset because Ty and Carol had a whole conversation and I missed it. But we saw eagles, deer, turkey, herons, vultures, and a small forest fire so that made up for the silence. I am hoping that I was able to get some good pictures.

It was such an awesome experience. I didn't want it to end. But after sitting for two hours on a plastic seat, my butt was starting to get numb. It is a day I will never forget and I hope that I will have a chance to do it again someday

It breaks my heart
I don't normally get a chance to watch Oprah because I usually don't get home till after 5PM. Yesterday, because I went in early, I got home in time to catch the whole show. Her guest stars were Venus and Serena Williams and Jada Pinkett Smith. They were talking about how there is an epidemic in this country. A epidemic of young girls and women hating who they are. One girl, who was like 13, had already had 8 sexual partners because she felt that guys wouldn't like her if she didn't "put out". Another girl called herself and "ugly beast". She didn't want to be seen by anyone because she thought she was hideous and that no guy would ever love her. Another girl hated her body because her mother always tell her that she could stand to lose a few pounds,

I sat there and cried because I can relate to what these girls are going through and it breaks my heart to see them in this state. I don't think we realize how the words that come out of our mouths are perceived by the people we are talking to. Sometimes we say things that we think are helpful. Like the mother who tells her daughter she could lose a few pounds. I am sure this mother loves her daughter and wants her to be healthy and happy. But as the therapist pointed out on the show...Shame never creates change. Maybe this mother, instead of pointing out the daughters flaws, should point out her strengths. Maybe they could do activities together. Take a walk in the evenings, go hiking at a park of the weekends....something.

I don't often talk about this but maybe it could help someone. Growing up my sister was always the petite one.I was heavier. I was going through puberty and still had some baby fat to lose. But I never hated myself. Well not until my dad made a certain comment to me. A family friend had given my sister this beautiful pink dress to wear to prom. It had been her daughter's and she never got a chance to wear it. It was hanging up so that some of the wrinkles could fall out and I decided to go in and take a closer look. My dad walked by and saw me admiring the dress and said to me, "You know if you were so fat, you could wear a dress like that." It was at that moment that I realized there was something wrong with me. I looked in the mirror and no longer did I see the confident girl I was but this horrible, ugly monster. Who would never be admired. It was then that I decided that something had to be done. I started starving myself. I got really good at hiding it from my family. I would skip breakfast and lunch and would eat very little for dinner. The weight started falling off. But still when I looked in the mirror...all I saw was fat. In college it got worse. I was so afraid of gaining the "freshman 15", that I would go all day without food. Sometimes I would just eat half a bagel and maybe and apple. It took finally passing out in the hallway of my dorm for me to realize that I had a big problem. I have gotten better but I still struggle with a poor body image. One of my boyfriends once told me that I never hear the word beautiful but I don't miss the word fat.

I know in my mind that I am smart and successful but that one little comment from my dad did so much damage and I am not sure he ever realized it. I think as a society we need to stop and think before we speak. Try thinking about how you would want someone to speak to you. We need to stop tearing people down and started building them up. Be encouraging rather than discouraging. Let the people around you know that you love them and that they could conquer the world. We need to get the media to stop telling us that we are ugly and realize that we are all beautiful in our own way. We all have something great to offer.

Days like today were made for playing hooky.
Mood:  chillin'
If I wasn't early ranger this week I would have taken a mental health day today. It is so nice out. The weather man said we should be up in the 80's by lunchtime. It makes it really hard to be in the office.

I really over did it yesterday. Saturday I spent the day trying to recover from having a cold. So all I did was sleep and take it easy. That night I decided to take myself off the Nyquil. Big Mistake! Because I had slept all day I wasn't at all tired that night. I got up at 3AM and watched The Goblet of Fire for the 3rd time in a 24 hour period. Then at 7AM on Sunday I decided to go for a hike. It was cool out and there wasn't a soul to be found. I estimated that I walked about 5 miles...felt great! I get back to my car and noticed how dirty my car was. So I stopped at the store and got a roll of quarters and went to one of those do-it-yourself places. I finally get home and as I was walking up to my apartment I thought, "The car could you a nice waxing." So I get my bucket of car care stuff and I headed back outside. By this point, the day was starting to heat up. There I stood out in the heat waxing and detailing my car. Took me a good 3 hours. I finally finished and as I walked back up the stairs to my apartment I felt a little wobbley. You know...like the feeling you get after riding a bike for a long period of time. I have no clue what I was thinking. I get like that sometimes when I am sick. I feel the need to clean everything in site. Like that is some how going to make me feel better.

Oh well. I get off early today so I can go home and rest. Maybe I just need to eat a few more Girl Scout Cookies. :)

The Magical Mystical Power of Cookies
Mood:  a-ok
One of my many weakness in life is Girl Scout Cookies. A couple of weeks ago I was going into a store when I noticed a group of girls set up selling cookies. I, of course wanting to contribute to charity, decided to buy a couple of boxes.

Last night while finishing up the last box I noticed a message written on the side of the box. It read:

You'd be surprised what a Girl Scout Cookie can build...

Strong Values
Strong Minds
Strong Bodies
Strong Spirit
Strong Friendships
Strong Skills
Strong Leadership
Strong Community.


Wow that is a powerful little cookie. I am thinking with a few more cookies I could take over the world. I guess I should go out and buy 4 more boxes. :)

Lets get the weekend started
Mood:  chillin'
Thank God it is finally Friday. What a long week this has been. My boss has been out after having knee surgery and everyone in the office has been trying to pick up the slack. It has put me so far behind on my normal duties. I spent all morning printing reports and updated spreadsheets. I was working so hard and was confident that several hours had past. When I finally finished...I looked up at the clock and it was only 9:30 AM. *sigh* I thought for sure it was almost lunch time. I need to stop being to efficient.

We were suppose to take the boat out today to look for an eagle nest that has recently been found by a volunteer. Unfortunately it has been too windy and the trip my be canceled. Oh well...maybe next week.

I have been fighting a losing battle with a cold this week and I think it is time to surrender. Other than dinner and drinks out with some friends visiting from out of town...I will be relaxing and recovering at home.

Hope everyone has a great week and remember that March 17th is St. Patrick's Day. Don't forget to where green. If you are looking for events in Raleigh visit Annie Nice's webpage at http://irisheventsnc.com There is a ton of great local info on this site. I know that Tir Na Nog will have tons of stuff going on. Check it out.

Its almost Friday
Mood:  lazy
Don't you feel like doing this to some people?

Well I did my first school program with Seamor Safety (our robotronic sea serpent on a jestski). It went really well although I forgot a line but the other ranger and I do really well improvising together so we were able to cover up any mistakes.

I am so excited that my boyfriend's sister has agreed to paint a mural on our new puppet stage. She is a fabulous artist and I can't wait to see how it will turn out.

My boyfriend has had a rough week. 4 of his students were killed in a car accident Saturday night. They were coming off an exit ramp, going 115 mph and hit a cement barrier and landed in a ravine. The car burst into flames upon impact killing the students. It has been so sad. The students were all seniors and Brent (the BF) knew one of them really well. His whole week has been spent at wakes and funerals and helping other students deal with the tragedy. It is just a shame that they had to die so young.

It is odd how it happens...
Mood:  happy
A few weeks ago I was going through some old pictures and I came across a couple of two girls who were my best friends in high school. Liz McCabe and Tammy Basore. I looked at the pictures of us on the Merry-go-round in Washington, DC and it made me smile. I felt bad that I had lost touch with so many people that I knew back then.

Well Saturday night I opened my email to find one from Tammy. She had been on classmates.com and saw my profile and decided to send me a note to say hi. I couldn't believe that I was reading an email from her.

She has a great life now. She is engaged and has a little boy, who she adores and is working in Frederick.

I was so happy to have heard from her. It felt odd that one day I am looking at her picture and the next day I get an email from her. I hope I can keep in touch with her and maybe a few others I used to know.

For Fun
My mom sent this link to me this morning. Thought it was cute. Make sure you have your speakers on.

http://www.barry.fireflyinternet.co.uk/fun/files/pilot.htm

Starting today you can send my mail to the Montrose Clinic for the Mentally Insane
Mood:  don't ask
What a week this has been. I am so thankful it is Friday. I am starting to get burned out.

Last night I stopped by the store on my way home from work and got a few items I needed. Two of these items were toilet paper and a bottle of wine. I came home and unpacked everything and put it away. Later that evening I got up to get a glass of wine. I opened the fridge and saw the package of toilet paper sitting inside. Which meant I had put the bottle of wine under the bathroom sink. *sigh* I still can't find what I did with the can of tomato soup. It will show up eventually...I hope.

I need a vacation in the worst way. LOL At least this wasn't as bad as the time I left my apartment to go to work and made it all the way down to my car before realizing I didn't have any shoes on. LOL

Oh well at least I can laugh at myself.

The forest is on fire!!!!
Mood:  energetic
For the most part I love dealing with the public. But there are a select few that just wear on my nerves.

The wildlife Commission is doing some prescribed burning in a area close to my office as well as several high priced neighborhoods. When we do burning of any sort we will typically get calls from the public making sure we are aware the forest is on fire. These calls I understand and appreciate because these people are keeping an eye out for trouble. You tell them it is a prescribed burn and they say, "oh okay" and hang up. Nothing more ever said.

This morning I get a call from a woman in one of the high priced neighborhoods. She asked what was going on and I explained about the burning. She was outraged and said that large pieces of ash were floating in her yard and that it was very smokey. I explained that when we do a burn we try to minimize the impact of smoke and ash to residents but that sometimes the wind changes direction and that it can't be helped. The lady then wanted us to stop burning immediately. I explained that we couldn't do that. That if she had a complaint or damage to her property she would have to contact the wildlife commission who was doing the burning. She then asked me why the Corps was taking out all the trees in that area. Were we putting in a boat ramp? I explained that it is a timber harvest and that again this was something the wildlife commission was doing and that they were only doing a selective thinning (just taking the larger trees). I explained that we do it to enhance wildlife. She became outraged again saying that the residents should have been allowed to vote on such matters as burning and tree cutting in their backyards.

I wanted to scream. Do your freaking research before you buy a house. If you buy property next to public lands you will have to put up with the management practices of the controlling agency. Also try opening your mail once in awhile. Letters were sent to all property owners explaining what was being done and why.

I drove out to her property this morning after talking to her. You can smell the smoke in the air but you couldn't see it and I did see any pieces of ash floating around. There are just some people in this world who have nothing better to do than complain. I really want to tell these people to get a hobby

On a lighter note. It feels like a spring morning outside. It is almost 50 degrees and we are expected to be in the 70's later today. The trees are budding and the some of the flowers are in bloom.

I have the windows by my desk open. *takes a deep breath* Wonderful!!! I only wish it was going to stay like this for the weekend. They said we are suppose to get cooler and perhaps have some rain. :( I would like just once to have nice weather on the weekend.

Please tell me it is Friday
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Work
I am so excited. Our Outreach Coordinator has become the national coordinator for Seamoor Safety. A remote controlled purple sea monster that rides on the back of a jetski. (see picture below) He is awesome. With the controller you can move him around and when you talk through the headset your voice gets distorted into a child like voice and his mouth moves and eyes blink. We have come up with a program where a ranger and Seamoor interact and talk about how kids can stay safe in and around water. We will be doing our first trial run at a school next week. I will be the voice of seamoor. So excited. We took him out today to play with him and get the feel for running him and talking through him. It was funny to see people's reaction to him. There is a small microphone on his jetski that I can hear what people say to him and I can respond. Very cute!!!

It's only Monday
Mood:  lazy
Some of you have told me that you are having trouble viewing the pictures on the picture link. I have decided to create an album on Angelfire so hopefully this will be better than the previous link to snapfish. For those of you who had trouble...check out the new link and let me know if you still have problems.

The weekend was uneventful. Which is good. After the stressful week I had last week I needed some time to just relax. My boyfriend took me out to dinner on Saturday to a place called Frankies. It is a big arcade/amusement land kind of place that has an upscale Italian Restaurant inside it. We ate dinner and played a few games and then headed over to a little bar to drink beer and play trivia.

Once we got back to my place we sat in his jeep and talked for several hours. We had gotten into a huge fight before he left for Daytona and not talking about it for two weeks really took its toll on the relationship. We finally got everything out in the air and I hope that things will get better. We are both concentrating on the wrong things in this relationship and I think we may finally be on the same page. *keeping fingers crossed*

Just for fun
Those who know me, know that I am a huge LOST fan. A friend sent me this quiz and thought those of you who love the show would enjoy it.

Jack You scored 67% kindness, 50% courage, 39% seedy past, and 53% secretiveness!

"We're not savages, Kate. Not yet." You are Jack. You are compassionate, heroic, and a bit of a martyr. You are brave and a natural leader. However, you shouldn't keep so much bottled up inside. You are so busy taking care of others that you have no time or energy to take care of yourself. Take a load off once in a while and play some golf with Hurley. You need to relax pretty soon or else you'll be no good for anyone anymore - including yourself! Your polar opposite is: Shannon. You are similar to: Boone and Sayid.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 64% on kindness You scored higher than 56% on courage You scored higher than 53% on seedy past You scored higher than 55% on secretiveness

Link: The Which Lost Character Are You Test written by ack_attack on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Rain Rain Go Away...
Mood:  hungry
Topic: Family
Well my visit with my Mom was fantastic. All we did was shop and eat. For those of you in the Raleigh area if you haven't tried Tir Na Nog's Sunday Brunch you have got to go. They had the best bread pudding I have ever had. If you do go...go after noon. That is when they start serving the mimosas and bloody mary's.

We went to see Nanny McPhee on Sunday. It was excellent...I cried. But then again I cry at just about everything. We had wanted to see Broke Back Mountain but the only theater playing it was clear across town.

Mom left Monday afternoon and it felt odd not having someone to entertain. Fenwick the cat is glad to have things back to normal and has spent the last two evenings curled up on the new throw blanket that my mom bought for me. I tried to take it from him last night so that I could curl up underneath it and watch TV and he growled at me. Ungrateful cat!

Well I guess I should be going. I am spending the day cleaning my desk and most of the office. We have some big wigs from our district office coming tomorrow and we have to get ready for our "dog and pony show" *sigh* Oh well at least they will only be here for the day.