The start of another week
Mood:  caffeinated
Woke up this morning to frost and temperatures into 30's. Wasn't expecting it at all. Maybe if I had actually watched the news this weekend I might have been more prepared. It is suppose to get up into the 70's today so the cold will be short lived.

This weekend was fairly relaxing. I didn't do much. Friday night I went and tried a new restaurant with Tanya, her brother Andy, and my semi-date Kurt. We decided to try Vivace because everyone keeps talking about how good it is. The atmosphere was cool and relaxing. The food was okay but I thought overpriced. I would have rather gone to Firebirds or Taverna Agora. It was nice though just to hang out, drink some wine, and talk to friends. We decided that night to hit the Renaissance Festival again on Sunday because Kurt has never been to one. I think he really enjoyed himself. We went to one of the stage shows and he got pulled out of the audience to participate. It was hysterical.

This week should be a busy one for me. I have to go out sometime this morning to help our Forester do the burn plan for the 30 acres we are hoping to burn on Wednesday. This one will be a little scary for me because I haven't done a burn this big before. I also have 2 eagle nest to monitor. One of which has chicks so I am excited to see the baby eagles. I also have to work on getting the boat ready for summer use. I love busy weeks. Makes it go by faster.

Back to work!

I've burned the forest down
Mood:  happy
The burn yesterday went really well. I was a little nervous because we are currently in a severe drought and everything has been extremely dry. We burned near the buildings so we had to take extra precautions. There was only one tense moment when the flames rushed up the hill right towards me and things got VERY hot, but the fireline held. The whole burn only lasted a few hours and I was able to take the rest of the day off. I went home, took a shower, and crashed on the couch. I felt so lazy.

My weekend will hopefully be quiet. I have promised Tanya that I would go with her to the Renaissance fair either Sat or Sun. I am hoping we go Sun because the weather is suppose to be cooler. I have been invited to go out tonight, but I haven't fully decided yet whether or not to go. I have just been so lazy since I got back from FL.

Well I don't know if I will update this weekend so have a great weekend everyone. See you next week.

Well the decision is....
Well it looks like I will be starring at hunky fireman tomorrow.

There was suppose to be another girl going with our outreach coordinator tomorrow to assist with the programs instead of me. She decided she had too much work to do and didn't want to drive all the way to Roxboro. Well our Forester found out that I would be missing from the fireline and wasn't at all happy about it. She told the outreach coordinator that I could go as long as the other girl came and took my place on the fireline. Apparently the other girl hates working fires more than she hates to do programs because she called back and said she would go to Roxboro to do the programs.

Too much drama going on in the office today.

I think I can see the top of my desk....
This morning it finally feels like I am making a dent in the work that piled up while I was gone. Yesterday I was so overwhelmed I didn't know what to start on first. I have about 6 more bills to pay and 2 travel vouchers to enter and I will be done. THANK GOD!!!

We are planning on doing a prescribed burn tomorrow near our Visitor Center. I have been looking forward to it since before I left for Tampa. I love doing the prescribed burns. It is a day totally out of the office and I end the day smelling like a campfire. When we do the burn close the visitor center we alway have the local fire company come out and just stand by in case it gets out of hand and starts to head towards the building. It is always by favorite burn because some of those firefighters aren't bad to look at. :) Well this morning our Outreach coordinator came to me and said she will need help with two school programs tomorrow. So now I must decide. Be the voice of Seamoor the Sea Serpent or stare at hunky firefighters all day. It is a really tough choice. She has given me till noon to decide.

Back to work
Mood:  on fire
Well this one is going to be short. I have returned from my trip to Tampa and I am SOOOOO glad to be home. I came into work today to a stack of stuff on my desk that apparently all has to be done ASAP. *sigh* So much for an easy start to my week back to work.

I think I have had my fill of Tampa for awhile. Our hotel was awful. It was in a really bad part of town and with no rental car you didn't have much selection in places to eat. I did take a cab one night to a place downtown. I am hoping the govt will reimburse me for it. Cost me $60 round trip. The pool at the hotel was closed till Wednesday due to a "bio accident". I have no clue what that means...it was what was written on the closure sign. I did get to go to Busch Gardens. Cost $62 to get in and I am not sure it was all that worth it. But it did beat sitting in the airport for 6 hours.

Well back to work.

I don't care if monday's blue...
Mood:  spacey
Well I am all packed and ready for my trip. At least that is what I keep telling myself. This trip wont be as bad as others I have been on because I will know at least 4 people in my class. One of which I work with. I hate going to sessions where I don't know a soul. I never seem to have trouble making friends or talking to people so I don't really know why I get so nervous about it.

Fenwick my cat tried to stow away in my suitcase this morning. I had it sitting on the bed with the top closed but not zipped. I finished getting ready and went over to zip up the suitcase. As I did I felt something move. I opened it up and there Fenwick laid with his head down on his paws and a look on his face like, "please mom take me with you, see I can be good." It broke my heart. I hate to leave my pets. I have a great pet sitter but I still hate to be away from them for more than a day. It is hard to sleep without Fenwick curled up by my side...purring softly.

Well I should get back to work. I have a ton of stuff to do today before I leave. Take care all and I will chat with you when I get back.

Attention Target Shoppers
Target has always been one of my favorite stores. I would much rather shop there than Walmart. I am sure the merchandise is the same in both stores but Target has always seemed a little bit more upscale. I had no idea how much until I went in yesterday looking for a coat.

My mother had gotten my sister a trendy black trench coat from Target for Christmas. I was thinking about the dress I would be wearing to lasts night concert and realized that my dress coat would be way too heavy for the evening. I thought about Anne's coat and thought it would be perfect. I had seen a similar coat at a Target store on the other end of town. I decided however to check out the new Target that had opened at the trendy new mall a few blocks from my apartment.

I walked into the store and it looked like every other Target I had every been in. I went over to the section where the coats usually are and searched and searched but didn't see a single coat. I then spotted a worker hanging out by the dressing rooms. I approached the lady who immediately turned her back to me to appear to be busy with something. I must have said, "Excuse me...miss." 20 times before she finally turned around. She looked at me and said sort of disgruntled, "Yes, may I help you?" I then asked, "I was wondering if you have any coats?" She proceeded to look me up and down and then said in kind of a snotty manner, "For you?" I wanted to respond, "No actually some women has been going around the store looking for coats and I just thought I would help her out by asking you." But I was good. I simply smiled and said, "Yes, for me." She looked me over again and replied, "Ummm....no." Wanted to get away from this woman quickly I thanked her and started to walk away. As I turned she said, "Wait a second let me call someone." She sighed like it was a huge inconvenience. She radioed some woman and asked if they had anymore Merdona jackets. What? I never said anything about a Merdona jacket. I wanted the Mossimmo trench. But I couldn't stop her. I kept trying to interrupt and she would say, "Just wait a second...she is checking." Finally the woman radios back with a "no". So I smiled...thanked her again and walked away. I decided that I had had enough with coats and thought maybe a new pair of shoes would brighten things up.

I was checking out a cute pair of sandals when this women comes up to me and whispers, "I heard you were looking for a coat?" I wondered why we were whispering but decided to play along. So I whispered back, "Yes, but they are apparently all out." She whispers back, "They have coats. I don't know why she told you that. Follow me and I will take you to them." I felt like I was some sort of outcast that this women was trying to sneak past the coat Nazi in order to get me a coat that I apparently wasn't good enough to purchase. The shoe section that I was in was right across from where this woman wanted to take me but we had to go all the way up through the jewelry and purses and come back down the isle. We were on a secret mission....trying the whole time to avoid being detected by the enemy. We finally arrived at a rack and there...sure enough...was the coat I had been wanting. I thanked the woman for her help and grabbed the coat and proceed to the check out lane.

Never in a million years would I have thought that I would have been treated like that. I could probably except it if I was going into some place like Sax Fifth Avenue. Who would have thought I wasn't good enough to shop at Target. I don't know what that woman was doing getting all uppity. She works at a discount department store. I can bet that I make more than she does. Even though this Target is closer to my house, I think I will stick to going to the one on the other side of town. Apparently I fit in better with that sort of crowd.

Can't beat Fridays
Mood:  caffeinated
The concert last night was FANTASTIC. The seats were good and the music was incredible. A big thanks to Josh who agreed to go with me at the last minute.

A had taken the who day off yesterday and I used it as a day to pamper myself. I had a couple of chores to do but for the most part I relaxed. I went and had a massage in the afternoon. Followed by a trip to the hairdresser to get my hair curled and my makeup done for the concert last night. I went shopping at Target (one of my favorite stores) then back home to lay on the couch and watch tv until it was time to leave for the show.

I didn't get home last night till late and I hated to have to get up this morning. But it is Friday and should be pretty quiet around here. I just have a few things to finish up before I leave for Tampa on Monday.

I had had big plans for the weekend but they got postponed till next weekend. So I plan on just relaxing and getting packed for the trip. I still have my date Saturday night so we shall see how that goes.

Have a great weekend everyone!!!!

The sun is out...the birds are signing...the flowers are in bloom
Mood:  happy
Things are shaping up to be a really great week. After the break up I obtain custody of two tickets to the Celtic Women Concert for this Thursday. I had to scramble around to find someone to go with me who didn't already have plans. I had no problem going by myself but I really hated the ticket to go to waste. A friend of mine called me back and has agreed to go. I was shocked when he offered because I didn't really think it was his kind of scene. He may be just taking pity on me. LOL But thanks to all of you who tried to change your schedules and a special thanks to Alex and Bryan who offered to fly in just for the occasion. I have great friends! Also....Alex, thanks for the chocolate cheesecake and the flowers. Two things that always brighten up my day. :)

I may have a date on Saturday. Things are still up in the air. Not on his side but mine. I am trying to work somethings out so that we can at the very least do dinner.

I have taken tomorrow off and I am looking forward to sleep in. I have some errand to run that I can't do on weekends. I also have to start getting things ready for my trip to Tampa next week. *sigh* Before you get all excited...this isn't for pleasure. I am taking a training course which I hear from others is really boring. But our hotel is 2 miles from Bush Gardends so I am hoping we will have time to make a trip there.

A door closes and a window opens somewhere....
Mood:  a-ok
"Other Side Of The World"

Over the sea and far away
She's waiting like an iceberg
Waiting to change
But she's cold inside
She wants to be like the water

All the muscles tighten in her face
Buries her soul in one embrace
They're one and the same
Just like water

The fire fades away
Most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's to hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're the other side of the world to me

On comes the panic light
Holding on with fingers and feelings alike
But the time has come
To move along

The fire fades away

Can you help me
Can you let me go
And can you still love me
When you can't see me anymore

The fire fades away

- KT Tunstall

IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!
Mood:  lucky

There are days when I REALLY love my job.
Mood:  happy
Wednesday afternoon our Forester came and told me that the National Guard would be doing our yearly Helicopter flight on Thursday. Every year we fly a helicopter over the lake to look at the shoreline, eagles, and encroachments. The past two years someone else has always volunteered to go along on the flight so I NEVER thought I would have a shot.

Well this morning my boss came in and said he had wanted to go but was afraid, after just having surgery on his knee, that it would be too much for him. He asked one of the other staff members who is a higher grade than me and he said no. So then my boss looked at me and asked if I would like to go. I said YES without thinking. He then handed me a barf bag and sent me on my way.

We arrived at the National Guard compound and were escorted up stairs to meet with our pilot and to fill out some paperwork. Which just ended up being a torn off slip of paper that we had to put our name and our SS# on. At this point I started to get a little nervous. I have heard stories from other rangers about getting motion sickness and people throwing up Cheerios and getting the Cheerios stuck in their nose . I thought to myself, "what the hell have I done?"

Our pilot finally came in and introduced himself. His name was Ty and he reassured us that it was going to be a great flight. I started to relax a little.

Then proceeded out to the tarmac to load our stuff up in the helicopter. It was a tiny little tin can. Army green of course..but it was cute. Ty then open up the door where I would be sitting and tried to explain to me how the harness would be fastened. There were these straps that came over your shoulders with these loops on the end. You had to feed the loops onto this bar thing that was attached to the lap belt. Then you had to feed this metal thing over the bar and through the loops and then lock it all into place. Simple....right? Then he pointed out the first aid kit and fire extinguisher, should at some point I need it. Now we come to the good part. Ty begins giving us a speech we now refer to as "the death speech" He starts out by saying, "In the event that we have to make a hard landing and I become incapacitated you will leave me strapped in with my helmet on so we can avoid spinal injuries and here is how you work this complicated radio I have back here and if the helicopter should catch on fire leave the helicopter right away but not while the blades are spinning .." Woe wait a minute back up here. What kind of death trap am I about to climb into? As he finishes the speech all I am able to hear is...incapacitated, fire, decapitating spinning blades, spinal injuries, ball of flames, you will never make it back from this trip alive so go ahead and call your family so they can start to plan your funeral.

Ty then helps me into my seat and I frantically try to remember how to fasten the harness, but I was so nervous that my hands were shaking. I guess Ty saw I was having trouble so he came over to help. Which wasn't bad having him strap me in because he was a cutie. After I am secure he hands me my headphones and plugs me into the system so that I can hear him when we take off. Our Forester climbs into the front seat and has no problem getting her harness on. I must have looked really nervous because the guys outside the copter who were helping us prepare to take off kept walking past my window and giving me the thumbs up. Like this was somehow going to reassure me. Ty then climbs into his seat and apparently does a radio check to see if we are both okay. I say "apparently" because he turns to look at me like, "why are you answer me?" He mouthed, "can you hear me?" I said no. It was then discovered that my headset didn't work. GREAT! Now I will have no way of knowing if he becomes incapacitated and we are about to crash to our deaths. Was it too late to back out?

The blades began to spin which shook everything and when they finally got up to speed we lifted up off the ground. It was such an odd feeling. It was like all the sudden you were weightless. It only took a few minutes to reach the lake. We only had a couple of moments where the wind would knock us around but all in all it wasn't bad. I was very impressed with myself...I didn't get queasy once. It did suck not having a working headset because Ty and Carol had a whole conversation and I missed it. But we saw eagles, deer, turkey, herons, vultures, and a small forest fire so that made up for the silence. I am hoping that I was able to get some good pictures.

It was such an awesome experience. I didn't want it to end. But after sitting for two hours on a plastic seat, my butt was starting to get numb. It is a day I will never forget and I hope that I will have a chance to do it again someday

It breaks my heart
I don't normally get a chance to watch Oprah because I usually don't get home till after 5PM. Yesterday, because I went in early, I got home in time to catch the whole show. Her guest stars were Venus and Serena Williams and Jada Pinkett Smith. They were talking about how there is an epidemic in this country. A epidemic of young girls and women hating who they are. One girl, who was like 13, had already had 8 sexual partners because she felt that guys wouldn't like her if she didn't "put out". Another girl called herself and "ugly beast". She didn't want to be seen by anyone because she thought she was hideous and that no guy would ever love her. Another girl hated her body because her mother always tell her that she could stand to lose a few pounds,

I sat there and cried because I can relate to what these girls are going through and it breaks my heart to see them in this state. I don't think we realize how the words that come out of our mouths are perceived by the people we are talking to. Sometimes we say things that we think are helpful. Like the mother who tells her daughter she could lose a few pounds. I am sure this mother loves her daughter and wants her to be healthy and happy. But as the therapist pointed out on the show...Shame never creates change. Maybe this mother, instead of pointing out the daughters flaws, should point out her strengths. Maybe they could do activities together. Take a walk in the evenings, go hiking at a park of the weekends....something.

I don't often talk about this but maybe it could help someone. Growing up my sister was always the petite one.I was heavier. I was going through puberty and still had some baby fat to lose. But I never hated myself. Well not until my dad made a certain comment to me. A family friend had given my sister this beautiful pink dress to wear to prom. It had been her daughter's and she never got a chance to wear it. It was hanging up so that some of the wrinkles could fall out and I decided to go in and take a closer look. My dad walked by and saw me admiring the dress and said to me, "You know if you were so fat, you could wear a dress like that." It was at that moment that I realized there was something wrong with me. I looked in the mirror and no longer did I see the confident girl I was but this horrible, ugly monster. Who would never be admired. It was then that I decided that something had to be done. I started starving myself. I got really good at hiding it from my family. I would skip breakfast and lunch and would eat very little for dinner. The weight started falling off. But still when I looked in the mirror...all I saw was fat. In college it got worse. I was so afraid of gaining the "freshman 15", that I would go all day without food. Sometimes I would just eat half a bagel and maybe and apple. It took finally passing out in the hallway of my dorm for me to realize that I had a big problem. I have gotten better but I still struggle with a poor body image. One of my boyfriends once told me that I never hear the word beautiful but I don't miss the word fat.

I know in my mind that I am smart and successful but that one little comment from my dad did so much damage and I am not sure he ever realized it. I think as a society we need to stop and think before we speak. Try thinking about how you would want someone to speak to you. We need to stop tearing people down and started building them up. Be encouraging rather than discouraging. Let the people around you know that you love them and that they could conquer the world. We need to get the media to stop telling us that we are ugly and realize that we are all beautiful in our own way. We all have something great to offer.

Days like today were made for playing hooky.
Mood:  chillin'
If I wasn't early ranger this week I would have taken a mental health day today. It is so nice out. The weather man said we should be up in the 80's by lunchtime. It makes it really hard to be in the office.

I really over did it yesterday. Saturday I spent the day trying to recover from having a cold. So all I did was sleep and take it easy. That night I decided to take myself off the Nyquil. Big Mistake! Because I had slept all day I wasn't at all tired that night. I got up at 3AM and watched The Goblet of Fire for the 3rd time in a 24 hour period. Then at 7AM on Sunday I decided to go for a hike. It was cool out and there wasn't a soul to be found. I estimated that I walked about 5 miles...felt great! I get back to my car and noticed how dirty my car was. So I stopped at the store and got a roll of quarters and went to one of those do-it-yourself places. I finally get home and as I was walking up to my apartment I thought, "The car could you a nice waxing." So I get my bucket of car care stuff and I headed back outside. By this point, the day was starting to heat up. There I stood out in the heat waxing and detailing my car. Took me a good 3 hours. I finally finished and as I walked back up the stairs to my apartment I felt a little wobbley. You know...like the feeling you get after riding a bike for a long period of time. I have no clue what I was thinking. I get like that sometimes when I am sick. I feel the need to clean everything in site. Like that is some how going to make me feel better.

Oh well. I get off early today so I can go home and rest. Maybe I just need to eat a few more Girl Scout Cookies. :)

The Magical Mystical Power of Cookies
Mood:  a-ok
One of my many weakness in life is Girl Scout Cookies. A couple of weeks ago I was going into a store when I noticed a group of girls set up selling cookies. I, of course wanting to contribute to charity, decided to buy a couple of boxes.

Last night while finishing up the last box I noticed a message written on the side of the box. It read:

You'd be surprised what a Girl Scout Cookie can build...

Strong Values
Strong Minds
Strong Bodies
Strong Spirit
Strong Friendships
Strong Skills
Strong Leadership
Strong Community.


Wow that is a powerful little cookie. I am thinking with a few more cookies I could take over the world. I guess I should go out and buy 4 more boxes. :)

Lets get the weekend started
Mood:  chillin'
Thank God it is finally Friday. What a long week this has been. My boss has been out after having knee surgery and everyone in the office has been trying to pick up the slack. It has put me so far behind on my normal duties. I spent all morning printing reports and updated spreadsheets. I was working so hard and was confident that several hours had past. When I finally finished...I looked up at the clock and it was only 9:30 AM. *sigh* I thought for sure it was almost lunch time. I need to stop being to efficient.

We were suppose to take the boat out today to look for an eagle nest that has recently been found by a volunteer. Unfortunately it has been too windy and the trip my be canceled. Oh well...maybe next week.

I have been fighting a losing battle with a cold this week and I think it is time to surrender. Other than dinner and drinks out with some friends visiting from out of town...I will be relaxing and recovering at home.

Hope everyone has a great week and remember that March 17th is St. Patrick's Day. Don't forget to where green. If you are looking for events in Raleigh visit Annie Nice's webpage at http://irisheventsnc.com There is a ton of great local info on this site. I know that Tir Na Nog will have tons of stuff going on. Check it out.

Its almost Friday
Mood:  lazy
Don't you feel like doing this to some people?

Well I did my first school program with Seamor Safety (our robotronic sea serpent on a jestski). It went really well although I forgot a line but the other ranger and I do really well improvising together so we were able to cover up any mistakes.

I am so excited that my boyfriend's sister has agreed to paint a mural on our new puppet stage. She is a fabulous artist and I can't wait to see how it will turn out.

My boyfriend has had a rough week. 4 of his students were killed in a car accident Saturday night. They were coming off an exit ramp, going 115 mph and hit a cement barrier and landed in a ravine. The car burst into flames upon impact killing the students. It has been so sad. The students were all seniors and Brent (the BF) knew one of them really well. His whole week has been spent at wakes and funerals and helping other students deal with the tragedy. It is just a shame that they had to die so young.

It is odd how it happens...
Mood:  happy
A few weeks ago I was going through some old pictures and I came across a couple of two girls who were my best friends in high school. Liz McCabe and Tammy Basore. I looked at the pictures of us on the Merry-go-round in Washington, DC and it made me smile. I felt bad that I had lost touch with so many people that I knew back then.

Well Saturday night I opened my email to find one from Tammy. She had been on classmates.com and saw my profile and decided to send me a note to say hi. I couldn't believe that I was reading an email from her.

She has a great life now. She is engaged and has a little boy, who she adores and is working in Frederick.

I was so happy to have heard from her. It felt odd that one day I am looking at her picture and the next day I get an email from her. I hope I can keep in touch with her and maybe a few others I used to know.

For Fun
My mom sent this link to me this morning. Thought it was cute. Make sure you have your speakers on.

http://www.barry.fireflyinternet.co.uk/fun/files/pilot.htm

Starting today you can send my mail to the Montrose Clinic for the Mentally Insane
Mood:  don't ask
What a week this has been. I am so thankful it is Friday. I am starting to get burned out.

Last night I stopped by the store on my way home from work and got a few items I needed. Two of these items were toilet paper and a bottle of wine. I came home and unpacked everything and put it away. Later that evening I got up to get a glass of wine. I opened the fridge and saw the package of toilet paper sitting inside. Which meant I had put the bottle of wine under the bathroom sink. *sigh* I still can't find what I did with the can of tomato soup. It will show up eventually...I hope.

I need a vacation in the worst way. LOL At least this wasn't as bad as the time I left my apartment to go to work and made it all the way down to my car before realizing I didn't have any shoes on. LOL

Oh well at least I can laugh at myself.