WASHINGTON, DC - As President Clinton continues his quest for fame:

Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America's shelves this week with "Clinton Soup," that will honor one of the nation's most distinguished men. It consists primarily of a small weenie in hot water....

Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will begin production in Canada this year....

When Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign affairs, he replied: "I don't know, I never had one."

American Indians have nicknamed Bill Clinton as "Walking Eagle" because he is so full of crap he can't fly....

Clinton only lacks three things to become one of America's finest leaders: integrity, vision, and wisdom....

Clinton did the work of three men: Larry, Curly, and Moe....

Revised judicial oath: "I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth as I believe it to be, and nothing but what I think you need to know."