Terry lay quietly in the dark, listening to the slow, deep breathing of Maddy and Felicia. They had fallen asleep hours ago, but Terry was wide awake. How could she be expected to sleep? Her mind was in a whirl. She felt so confused, so overwhelmed. All she could think about was Isaac.
Isaac…with his soft, brown eyes and his charming smile, his witty personality and sense of humor, his strong arms and his gentle hug. He was so good to her. He had a way of making her feel so special when they were alone, so good about herself. When they had been by themselves that night, she had seen a side of him she never knew existed. The way he had treated her that night was like she was…a special treasure he had been searching for all his life, but he didn’t even know he was searching for anything until he found it.
It was almost funny when she considered the fact that he wasn’t even her boyfriend. They had always just been good friends. But Terry had a suspicion that that would soon change. But what does he see in me? she wondered. It’s not like I’m anything great. I’m not even very pretty and then there’s my figure. It’s terrible. I’m so fat and ugly.
But Isaac didn’t seem to think so…
It was odd. In the past, Terry would see girls with their boyfriends and would see how happy they were, but had never really thought about something like actually dating someone herself. The years of abuse with her father had kept her mind on nothing else but the abuse, though she hadn’t even known at the time that anything was wrong with her lifestyle.
She went to school, didn’t talk to anyone unless she was spoken to and that was usually to respond to some crude remark made by a classmate. Then she would rush straight home to clean the house and cook dinner. If her father was drunk or in a bad mood or just didn’t like what she had prepared, he would hit her. Sometimes she would be beaten to near unconsciousness , other times he would go easy on her and only give her a few bruises. When she got older, he would come to her room almost every night and teach her about boys, or so he said. Terry shuddered at the memory of how he had touched her.
After her father had gone too far in the beatings and a teacher at school had realized what was going on, her father was reported to DSS and she was taken from his house and sent to live with the Hanson’s. And Isaac.
Often kids had made fun of her because she was so aloof and withdrawn. But Isaac was different. He got to know her before he judged her. All the Hanson’s had been good to her, from the very beginning, and she loved them all equally, from Walker and Diana to Mackenzie and Zoe. Isaac was just the first one to really befriend her. He was the first person she learned to trust and he helped her to open up. She knew she could talk to him about almost anything. But she wasn’t sure if she could tell him how all she could think about was him and her father and the fights with her mother and all that was bothering her.
She had never thought very highly of herself, due to her father always telling her how worthless she was and how stupid and that she should have never been born. So when she began to feel strongly towards Isaac, she never dared to dream that he might even begin to feel the same for her. That was why it was such a shock when he had kissed her. It was also incredible; it was scary; it was exciting. She had been surprised by the feelings it provoked. She loved that feeling. That feeling that someone cared for you in a way they cared for no one else.
She had been ecstatic when he asked her out on a date. She had hoped that he might, but didn’t really count on it. The fact that he had asked made her think he might really want to be around her. She knew it wasn’t like he had asked her to go steady or anything, but it was encouraging.
Terry rolled onto her side for the third time, listening for a moment to Maddy’s soft snores and Felicia’s mutterings.
“ No, I don’t think my parents would let me go on tour with you,’ Felicia mumbled, and paused. “ Okay, as long as I’m home in time for dinner.”
Terry chuckled softly to herself. She was going to be tired in the morning if she didn’t get some sleep soon. But her mind was still racing, still full of thoughts of Isaac and the events of that night. Over and over, she mulled over every detail, each detail imprinted in her memory as sharp and clear as if it were happening all over again…
***************************************************
“ Damn it! Where is it?,” Terry muttered in irritation. She tossed her cloths aside and peered inside the bag. “ I know I brought it.”
“ Lose something?,’ a familiar voice asked.
Terry whirled around, then smiled. “ Hey Ike. I’ve got a bit of a headache, but I can’t find my Tylenol.” She looked at the mess she had made and with a sigh, stooped down and began to gather her things together. “ I guess I’ll just have to suffer.”
“ I’ve got some Motrin IB if you want some.”
“ Great, thanks,” Terry said and eagerly accepted the pills.
Isaac watched in amazement as she popped the pills in her mouth and swallowed them dry.
“ How do you do that?,” he asked, “ Every time I try to do that, I end up choking.”
Terry shrugged. “ I don’t know. It just takes a little practice.”
“ I see.”
Terry smiled. “ Just hold on one sec. I need to put my things away.” She knelt down again and continued stuffing items into her turquoise duffel bag. She hid her surprise when she felt Isaac wrap his arms around her waist.
“ What? I don’t get any hug?,” he asked her.
“ You don’t right now. I’m busy,” she playfully slapped his hands away.
“ You are really good at exaggeration, you know that?,” Isaac chuckled.
“ I know that,” Terry laughed. She flung her arms around his neck, surprising him slightly, and hugged him tightly. He slipped his arms around her waist and returned the hug, but didn’t let go. Terry in turn didn’t drop her arms from around his neck. They had become lost in each others eyes.
Isaac felt he could drown in the depths of Terry’s eyes. He loved her eyes. They were a gorgeous shade of light blue that he had seen change with her moods. They would go cold and dark when she was angry, shiny from tears when she was sad or upset, dull when she was bored or listless, bright and alive when she was happy or excited. They always seemed to speak the truth. But what he loved the most was the innocence. The innocence in her eyes made her out to be as innocent of the troubles of the world as a young child. Yet he knew she was as strong and independent as most people he knew and she had certainly had her fair share of troubles. He knew she didn’t think so, but Terry was something special. Yet her eyes still held that innocent quality.
Isaac reached out his hand and lightly traced it along her brow and her cheek, tucking loose strands of her long blond hair behind her ears. Terry briefly closed her eyes, enjoying his gentle touch..
Isaac pulled her close and held her to him. He felt her arms tighten their grip around his neck. He bent down and gently pushed his lips against hers. Terry eagerly kissed him back. She opened her mouth slightly and felt his tongue enter her mouth. She briefly touched her tongue to his, testing, enjoying the experience. It didn’t occur to her that she could barely breath. She didn’t care. All she cared about was Isaac and his loving embrace and the feel of his lips on hers. Her heart was pounding. Her whole body was tingling. She loved the feel of his body pressed against hers, the way his lips felt against hers. They were both gasping when they finally pulled away.
“ Wow,” Isaac whispered.
“ Yeah. I know,” Terry said quietly. She was in a daze. She released her hold on him and sat down on the bed. She stared ahead, seemingly lost in thought.
Isaac looked at her for a moment, then gingerly sat down next to her. He was silent for a moment. “ I’m sorry,” he finally said, “ I won’t do that again if you don’t want me to.”
Terry looked at him in surprise. “ What do you mean?”
“ I feel like I pushed you into that and I don’t want to do that. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.”
She smiled and took his hand. “ You didn’t. I wanted to kiss you too. You didn’t push me into anything.”
“ Then what’s wrong?”
Terry shook her head. “ I’ve never done this before.”
Isaac smiled at her and put his other hand over hers. “That’s okay. I’m pretty new at this myself It’s not like I have all that much experience either. You know something? I’d love to do more with you. A lot more,” he admitted, his cheeks slowly turning light pink, “ I don’t know if you feel the same way, but I won’t do anything you don’t okay. I really care about you and I don’t want to do anything to hurt you. I’m just telling you this so you know how I feel.”
Terry kissed his cheek and scooted closer to him. “ Isaac, you are just so sweet. I swear, I don’t deserve a guy like you.”
Isaac put his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder. It’s amazing how someone can make you ponder something without them even realizing it. But Terry’s comment about not deserving someone really bothered him.
He thought of that night many months ago how she had cried in his arms when she told him of her father. He thought of the obvious fact that it was the first time she had ever cried about him. He thought of how terrible it must have been for her to live with a man who would hit her and go out of his way to hurt her, yet claim he loved her. He thought of her terror and shame when she explained to him that she was pregnant with her fathers child. He recalled her grief in losing her baby, yet how she also felt relieved to have miscarried. He tried to imagine how it must be to live with a mom who had abandoned you years before, only to come back and try too hard to make it up. He tried to imagine all that, but he couldn’t. It was times like this that he realized how lucky he was to have lived his whole life in a loving family. Terry sure hadn’t and he guessed that Erin really hadn’t either. Where did Terry get off thinking that she didn’t even deserve a decent guy?
“ You know what? I don’t know about a guy like me, but I do know that you definitely should have a guy who treats you right, someone who makes you happy,” he told her.
Terry craned her head back and smiled at him. “ If that’s exactly what I deserve, then what I deserve is you…”
***************************************************
Terry yawned, glad that she was finally feeling drowsy. Then she smiled to herself. She and Isaac had had a pleasant talk afterward and until he and his brothers had to go home. She had told him that she wasn’t ready for sex yet, but she would let him know when she was. She also told him that so far, she liked what they had been doing. He readily agreed to whatever she wanted (in regards to whether or not they should have sex) and told her he felt the same way. How did she get lucky enough for him to fall for her and she for him?
She yawned again. She closed her eyes, feeling suddenly exhausted. She felt herself slowly drifting towards that sweet, peaceful oblivion of a deep sleep. She was so relaxed tonight. She fell asleep with a smile on her face. It was bliss to have good dreams instead of terrifying nightmares for a change.
