Rocker
I think I still remember the days when I still enjoyed the music we played. I mean, it was music. Why didn't the contracts state clearly and precisely that merging money with anything would suck dry the passion for it like a mosquito from skin. It became work, like throwing in the punch card into that clock, paid to sell your idiosyncrasy for the benefit of the next fad. But no, they have to take that and cut the defects like insecurity and personal problems from it, oh no, it had to be grade A... We that get propped up on stage needs to be the solid examples of idols, if we did have oddity, it'd better be a socially hip one. Who says that narcotics dulls your senses? It may on the second level of consciousness, but even while I'm walking up onto that commercial podium where I am set to work being praised and looked up to as a modern god, "those funny little cigarettes" don't do enough to eliminate the memories of how just a few years ago, I had been one of those blind worshipers down there, knowing that to the big popular guy up there, I'm just a number too. Even when I'm wheezing from side to side trying to reach that fifth dimension where there are just colors and shapes and no time nor space, I can't help but stare into the crowd below, seeing behind every pair of those eyes, there is someone that has a defect, and that is the reason they are here. No matter how many times I've seen that, no matter how detached emotionally I try to be from those 'fans' down there, I can't shake from my mind that yes, they are humans too, just like me. Besides the huge wall that separates us, which is the media's attention that makes us mutually agree to help each other to deny the problems that we have inside, while outside, we are the golden people that is living life. And I say what I say, and wear what I wear, and do what I do, and they think that is what it takes to be so 'golden' and 'cool'. Come to think of it, I'm parents to all that see me and like my music aren't I?
Fan
I wonder what if he sees me. I wonder if he shits like we do. They are humans too after all, they should take craps like all of us do. But yeah, they do it with style, they sit on a gold toilet in a perfumed bathroom and smile in a hip way when they crap, unlike us that plops down in the dingy corner with a Playboy. How do we, I, look from up there? Come to think of it we are pretty pathetic to be standing here in whatever condition, gawking up with our mouths opened, drooling with anticipation and a sparkle in the eye, and heighten all their actions as if it was something that was sacred. We are all just pathetic and jaded teens down here, gathered together to forget for one day that we do, in actuality, have insecurities, and problems, and we are screwed up, and we are losers, and we are rejected, and we pretend that hey, with these people that are recognized in the world, we can rub off them and be "cool and insouciant" just for this time. There is no doubt when I look into the eyes of my fellow fans that I see there is something missing, a void in need to be fulfilled by this atmosphere and this sense of belonging. And we throw ourselves at these people who gives us our fix. We don't even know in real life but hell, they possess powers that we can't never have nor understand. Super delux babysitters sent to guard and guide the masses with their special super human powers, that's what they are. They basically get automatically granted willing slaves of their choice! At the snap of a finger! "Hey c'mere, you are the chosen one, now I want you to dive that whole distance into the crowd." Oh, and he would be thrilled to do it! He'd feel that they are superior to the rest now because he has been 'knighted' to dive to his potentially possible death, and feel happy that he has his face smashed into the rail but at the command of a teen idol. Hey...well then, that beats living any day. I wish I get to risk my life at the will of someone omnipotent!
Rocker
I think when God (the media) made us immortal beings, they gave us these superhuman powers to make others do what ever we want. God, a few years back, I'd be out of my mind if those glowing singers would look at me, let alone tell me to jump to my death! I wonder how they get off to think I'm such a 'great guy'? It's not like I sat down and at leisure and took tea with everyone of them, and consequently spoke of my deepest philos on the meaning of life. It would be interesting to see what sort of image of us they have conjured up for themselves, what assumptions and elaboration and logical deductions. It's kind of scary, in a good way of course, to think that there are people that you don't know out there, that thinks they know you, sitting there with some more people you don't know, pondering of how you do things, or what are you doing at the moment. The power music has in this century is utterly astounding really, oh wait, or should I say fame of music...? With these few tunes, you can make or break someone's belief, you can alter life styles, you can change the frame of mind or the ways of action, you can cut paths or erase them, you can indirectly mold people to what your music wants to express. Perhaps even people that know better; you can't be indifferent to what you like or dislike, you only be indifferent if you have never heard it. So essentially, the point comes as one must plug their ears???
Fan
These thoughts are so hypocritical though. I am here aren't I? No matter how much disgust I hurl at these modern heroes, I am still here, with the rest, swaying, chanting, being absolutely absorbed into the charisma and aura of their presence and "holy messages". Of course, I think I'm just jealous that I had not these talents to be picked to have a visible component in the lives of all the plebs out there, and have my opinion matter. We all strive to become a little bit less of a number at these events. Some of us seek these triumphs by boasting of how many times they've 'surfed' over the heads of others. It's quite symbolic really, by being physically above people that perhaps didn't have the 'guts', we are made 'higher' than them (no puns intended). That we have conquered them (and their heads which are below our feet). Don't get me wrong though, I fought for my piece of the glory; I was up there and felt damn alive! I shouted at the crowd the vulgar cry of my victory of crossing the sea of people's lethal arms and being flipped and tossed over the rails coming just so in reach of the idols that strummed the celestial instruments that gave me inspiration. But while I stand, drowned in the drone of these holy sounds, feeling every drop of acid rain pouring on to and burning my freshly scraped and chaffed new skin, cold and dump but still numbly excited, I can step back a bit from my present mind and shake my head at the some twenty thousand people that are getting kicked in the face and gashed in the leg hypnotically and later calling it pride and experience to their friends whom didn't attend. "Yeah man, I was like up there man...when some guy dropped me and I feel right on my fucking spinal cord! That is how I got this huge bruise. It was so totally rad! I'm going to do it again!" I think I just started to under why 'grown-ups' think was makes teenagers tick is pretty damn weird. We are all little blind sado-masochists.
Rocker
I guess then, I didn't think it was odd, but now I wonder what's the point of pushing and shoving, hurting others in the process to come closer to the stage when you know it's going to stop somewhere. I could see it from a more positive interpretation for my benefit and call it an indication of how popular and intensely stimulating our music is but, logically, anything loud, I suppose, could do the trick of making them mosh: catchy drum beats, wicked guitar riffs, screaming voices, pots and pans banging, nuclear explosions. Hehe, that's a thought, teens headbanging and moshing to the testing of new atomic weapons. It's ghastly to wonder how many are here for the music, not just the narcotic-ridden atmosphere. To wonder even, how many hears the songs and think about what we are trying to say instead of how loud we are screaming. To wonder is it futile to attempt to pass a message through our music. To wonder who is thinking to themselves, "Hey, he's talking about child abuse crisis in our society," instead of "Yeah angst is cool man!" Just how many, how many are thinking swearing is a fad rather than the use of its emphasis?
Fan
I think I feel a little nauseous. I know that after this whole shebang finishes, I'm going to leave feeling like the most invisible blimp in the eyes of every other invisible blimp walking out of the crowd. I think if I could just see one of those people on stage taking a dump or something, somewhere in a public washroom, I would feel some sort of equality. Us little lemmings down in the pit, watching them, forget always those moving gods up there are every bit as human as we are; not that they were born with a great stamp that says "destined to be famous". Although sometimes, I wish I had one of those too. A few hours of escapism, a few hours of questioning my own worth, leaving me feeling inadequate and insignificant.
Rocker
Oh Jesus, look at that poor kid being thrown around in the mosh pit. They really should have a limit on the size of the people that goes in there and rams... Oh my fucking God...
[blackout]
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