Wendy's Decent Jokes
Soccer Joke
A man is walking down the street in Dublin when he hears a woman
screaming
and detects a faint smell of burning in the air. He runs down the
street
and around a corner and sees a huge group of people standing watching
a
blazing building. On the tenth floor of the building a woman,
clutching
a bundle to her chest, is leaning out of a window screaming for
someone
to save her baby.
The man steps forward and calls up to the woman, "Throw down your
baby
and
I'll catch it!"
"No! No!" the woman shouts back. "You might miss or drop my baby and
she'll
be killed!"
"No I won't!" shouts the man. "I am Alec Maguire. I'm the goalkeeper
for
Ireland's national football Ysoccer? team. I've never missed a match
in
ten
years and in all that time I have never let the ball into my net."
"What? Not once?" calls the woman.
"No!" shouts back the man. "Not once. Every football player in the
world
agrees that I am the best goalkeeper there has ever been".
And with that he adopts the classic goalkeepers stance - legs apart
and
slightly bent at the knees, body slightly bent forward at the waist
and
with his arms stretched downwards at a slight angle away from his
body,
with
palms facing forward.
"OK!" screams the woman. "I'll trust you. I've no choice! Here she
comes!"
So, with the flames roaring all around her, the woman throws the baby
from
the window. However, the edge of the baby's shawl catches on the
woman's
watch with the result that the child goes spinning off to one side,
tumbling head over heels and with her little arms and legs flailing.
The
woman screams and the crowd gasps, all sure that the baby will perish
because she will fall out of reach of the man.
The man remains motionless as the child descends, spinning and
tumbling
further and further away from him as she comes. Then when the baby is
only
feet from hitting the ground the man dives a full 30 feet across the
pavement Ysidewalk?, catches the baby in his outstretched right hand,
pulls
her in towards his chest and shields her body with his left hand and
arm.
He hits the ground heavily on his right side and lies motionless on
the
pavement for a few seconds. Then, slowly, he raises himself to his
feet
and
turns to face the crowd and everyone sees that the child is alive.
The crowd is awe-struck. Then the crowd erupts with cheers and the
woman,
still in danger herself, nearly faints with relief. The man, still
clutching the child to his chest in his right arm, waves to the crowd
of
onlookers to acknowledge their appreciation. Then, slowly and
gracefully,
he turns away from them, bounces the baby twice on the ground, and
kicks her 60 yards down the road.
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