In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not. This is what we have to ingrain into our children at the early stage. We should not wait for them to come to us when they are teenagers to ask about girlfriend-boyfriend relationships. Hence, it is important that we teach our children that the only time a girl or boy can have a relationship with a non-Mahram (non-Mahram is someone whom they can marry) is when they are married! Furthermore, if a boy brings his family to ask for a girl's hand from her parents (Koutobah).

At the teenage level, we should not be shy to teach them the severity of pre-marital relationships. First they should know that pre-marital relationships is haram in Islam and we should point out to them the punishment for sexual relationships outside of marriage:

Ibn Masoud (r.a.a.) related that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said,

"The blood of a Muslim may not be legally spilt other than in one of three instances: the married person who commits adultery, a life for a life, and one who forsakes his religion and abandons the community." (Bukhari and Muslim)

Also, we should give them or quote to them examples from day to day problems and show them or prove to them that all these problems we hear about like abandoned children, broken homes, abortions, and sexual diseases are caused by what is called the pre-marital relationships.

At this stage your teenage child may say that G-B relationships need not go as far as the sexual act; that they can control themselves and simply enjoy each other's company. You explain to them that when a girl and a boy are alone, their sexual desires awaken and before they know it, they will be doing things that are not permissible between unmarried people. The reason for this is because Shaytaan will be the third person with them (Ahmad) and he will whisper and tempt them with the forbidden. This is why Islam shuns all avenues leading to Zina.

You should also teach them to restrain their desires. Abut Hurairah (r.a.a.) narrated that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said that among the seven persons whom Allah will shade i His Shade on the Day of Judgement when there is no shade except His Shade, is a man who is tempted by a beautiful woman and refuses to respond for fear of Allah. (Bukhari and Muslim).

How to avoid your children from getting into a G-B relationship? First, you must talk and explain to them these things when they are young, then when they are older, you make sure that it is put into practice.

You must teach him or her to:
1. Not to freely mix witht he opposite sex by demonstrating that in your own home.

2. Not to look at the opposite sex by lowering or averting their eyes, as Allah tells us: "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and to protect their private parts. That is purer for them. Verily Allah is All-Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and prtect their private parts..." (24)30-31)

3. For girls, teach them not to make their voices seductive or sweet in front of non-Mahram. This is done by lowering the voice and not flirting.

4. Last but not least, teach them to wear appropriate clothing so as not to draw attention to themselves. That is, girls should wear Hijab and loose clothing while boys should also wear loose clothing, not the tight jeans or pants with t-shirt tucked in. It is sad that, often, parents allow their children to wear fashion clothing which, in most cases, do not meet the requirement of acceptable Islamic dress code.

It is important that we start teaching our children the need to feel modesty, especially around the opposite sex. If we instill this into them at an early age, then inshallah, whenever they are near the vicinity of the opposite sex, they will feel shy and, therefore, will not act inappropriately. It is also important that we keep the communication channels open with our children so that we can talk and explain to them things, and they can ask us questions, without any party feeling embarrassed.

Taken from "Al-Aqsa" magazine, September 1999 issue #60, Calgary, Alberta