A magazine ran a "Dilbert quotes" contest. These are ACTUAL quotes from the
declining gene pool of middle managers out there:
- As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using
individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and
employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning
quote from Charles Hurst at Sun Microsystems.)
- What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter.
- How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff?
- E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be
used only for company business.
- Turnover is good for the company, as it proves that we are doing a good
job in training people.
- This project is so important, we can't let things that are more
important interfere with it.
- Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.
- No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been
working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you
know when it's time to tell them.
Still not enough Dilbert?
Dilbert's words of wisdom...
- I can please only one person per day. Today is not
your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
- I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing
sound they make as they go flying by.
- Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get
along without it.
- Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some
days the statue.
- Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If
he isn't there the first time you need him, chances
are
you won't be needing him again.
- I don't have an attitude problem. You have a
perception problem.
- Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in
the sky and I thought to myself, Where the heck is
the
ceiling?
- My Reality Check bounced.
- On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger
on the escape key.
- I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
- You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding
through peanut butter.
- Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, cuz you
are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
- Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
- Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down
to their level then beat you with experience.
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