Bible Boot Camp


(Pan around to show people standing in a line.)

Priest:  (Walking up and down in front of the line.)  Your parents have 
	enrolled you 	in Bible Boot Camp because you all have been unpure 
	in the lordıs eyes!

Boy 1:  I was sent here to study to become a priest.

Priest:  I donıt care what you were sent here for boy!  You are pond 
	scum in the eyes of the lord!

Boy 1:  But I thought that the lord loved us all.

Priest:  Well, he hates your skanky ass!

Boy 1:  But..but...

Priest:  Shut your meat hole boy!  Youıre on Godıs time now!

Boy 1:  (Starts to spaz out.)

Priest:  Whatıs your problem spaz man? (Walks up past a few more kids 
	and goes 	on to boy 4.  He stands and stares at boy 4.)

Boy 4:  (Tough and gruff.)  You gotta starinı problem?

Priest:  No, I was temporaly turned to stone by your ugly face.  (Shoves 
	boy 4.)

Boy 4:  (Punches the priest in the chest.)

Priest:  (Back slaps boy 4.)  Bitch, I got the lordıs protection on my 
	studly ass.

Boy 4:  (Goes to punch the priest again.)

Priest:  (Grabs his arm and snaps it.)  You like that, boy?

Boy 4:  You ainıt gonna break me.

Priest:  I might not, but sure as hell the goddamm devil will.  (Walks 
	on to boy 2.)  	Repeat a quote from Nephi 9-34!

Boy 2:  Uh...uh...

Priest:  Nephi 9-34.  (Clears his throat.)  WO UNTO THE MURDERER WHO 	
	DELIBERATELY KILLITH FOR HE SHALL DIE!!!  READ THE BOOK, DAMMIT!  	
	(Smacks boy 2 with the book.)

Boy 2:  (Takes book.)  Yes, sir.

Priest:  (Smacks him again.)  Give me back my book, you damn mooch!  
	(Walks to the front of the line.)  Most of you have felt the wrath of 
	god, do you like it?

Boys:  No.

Priest:  Well I sure as hell did! Now as far as you losers go like mr. 
	spasmatic over there.  (Spases out.) and Mr. Playdough arm over there 
	and the fucking mooch, well youıre going to enjoy your time here 
	because if you fucking donıt-

Boy 3:  I thought that priests werenıt suppose to swear.

Priest:  Well if you read the book of mormon it says here right on page 
	103 it says you can fucking swear all the time.  Now get your smelly 
	asses to bed!

Boy 1:  But itıs three oıclock  in the afternoon.

Priest:  God, has no watch and the man upstairs is telling me to tell 
	you to get to your goddamm beds.  Iıll wake you up sometime around 
	11:30 or 12:00.  So go 	to bed, say your prayers, and donıt forget god 
	never misses.  (Throws book up in air and it hits boy 2 in the head.)  
	You satanists get to bed I promised a young lady that I would 
	exorcise her demons.  

(Boys start to walk away.  Fade out.)
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