Quote Archive
Aubrey's mom: Aubrey, get off your sister or I’ll get the squirt gun!*
Mrs. Sullivan (our band teacher): Don't rush. Nobody wants to run to hell.
*
Aubrey’s mom: She’s pissing! She’s pissing!
*
My mom: Matt, you need a haircut. You're starting to get pretty.
*
Keisha: I can't wait until cross country is over so I can get up and do LSD every day...
*
Person: Adam, why don't you cut your hair? You're staring to look like a woman.
Adam: No, I'm going to grow it out so I can be more unattractive.
*
Mrs. Phaneuf: Do you have a six pack?
Pat (proudly): Yup. Two of 'em.
*
Mrs. Sullivan: When in doubt, pull it out!
*
Pat: It's to bad Tupac's dead.
Ali: He's not dead.
Pat: Yeh he is.
Ali: No, he's being ressurected Neovember 14th.
*
Laura: *burps* 'Scuse me.
Sam: What do you say?
*
Pat: I was scared. I thought Satan was gonna come out and bite my cock off.
*
Catie: Laura, you need to get a boyfriend because your room's gonna be a huge aphrodesiac.
*
Meg: I like wrinkles. Maybe that's why I like older men.
*
Aubrey: How did you feel about being the flowergirl, James?
James: I wasn't the flowergirl, I was the petal boy.
*
Catie: I don't like being called president. it's too official. I want to be called....God. *points to Laura* And you're Jesus.
Jess: Does that mean I'm the Holy Spirit?
Catie: Yeh....No, you should be the Virgin Mary.
*
Aubrey: I'm oddly porportioned. I'm like a squash.
*
Mr. Richards: The #1 fear of people is speaking in public. Well, that's before 9/11. Now it's getting blown up.
*
Sam: I just read this really good book. I didn't guess the ending until 3/3 of the way through.
*
Keisha: He's a good runner because of his big instrument..
*
Quotes From Writing Camp
Kid: Hey Jeff.
Jeff (walking by Kid): Hey faggot, what's up?
Kid: Yeh, keep walkin' homie.
Chuck (sighing): I love poop.
Vince: If you read your poem, I'll dress up like a mailmain and dance for you...
Chuck: That got a good response from the ladies! Mailman..I've got a package!
Nat: George Bush in a pink thong with tassles...
Bryan: You're a fucking sellout.
Vince: You're a bastard. Die.
Robert Miner: I don't know how we got into the converstaion. Oh, it was about being short, right?" (About suicide)
Nat: I've worn a dress before..I like dresses. They bring air through the underparts...
Note: We went to Skidmore College for a day, and there was another big group there. It was their cross dressing day..
Benedict, a guy wearing a dress, who had a wicked farmer's sunburn): I'm wearing multiple layers of underwear.
Guy: 2 muffins were talking to each other. The first muffin says: It's getting hot in here. The second muffin says: OH MY GOD! IT'S A TALKING MUFFIN!
Elizabeth (a girl who I thought was a guy until I got her name, talking about stigmata): He must give a hell of a hand job.
Other Guy: Do I look like Fidel Castro? Because that's what I was going for.
Girl: I know what turns you on. I know you look at fat people porn.
Bill: Don't have a complex. I was just kidding.
Robert Miner: Perfectionism will lead you directly to jail.
Chuck: Bill gets high on sniffing feces. Huffing poop..
The Fuck List (by Bryan, Vince, and Chuck)
"Fuck....
-(insert name of nationality here)
-Hammurabi
-Magna Carta
-Holocaust
-Martians
-Jupiarians
-Pogroms
-Tropical Penguins
-Mars Probes
-Vasco de Gama
-1942
-the 1040's in general"
They don't want to fuck: columbus
*
Xsocialdistrtion: i want his body. : D
NecronomicanN666: omg!
NecronomicanN666: me too
Xsocialdistrtion: WOW!
Xsocialdistrtion: lol
NecronomicanN666: Justin Timberlake... Me, you and some hot wax!
*
Catie (moaning): ohhh...herpes...warts...syphillis..... gonorreah...ohh.....
*
Mr. Bouchard (hears Greg singing): What is that?
Aubrey: Oh, that's Greg.
Mr. B: Is he dying?
*
Laura: Yeh, David Borenaz is hot.
Catie: Oh, I don't care about that! I just want his teeth!
*
Mr. Champagne: Wait, are we talking about terrorism or snow?
*
Girl: Ow! I hurt my eye.
Her Friend: How?
Girl: I forgot to shut it when I scratched it.
*
Matt (my brother): And you don't wanna think, 'cause you just thought..
*
Mrs. Seeber: This is....le crap!!
*
Aubrey: I can't buy the CKY CDs cause I'm not 18.
Hot Store Guy: Are you 18?
Aubrey: no...
HSG: Are you 18?
Aubrey: no....
HSG: -rolls his eyes- Are you 18?
Aubrey: Yes?
*
Sam: Yeh, so I was- Woah, my brain stopped working...
*
Jess: I'm gonna go cry in the corner.
Sam: Jess, don't cry. The kittie peed in that corner.
*
Matt(T): Oh...you're talking about the rapper who died a few years ago...Twin Pack?
*Laura and Gary laugh*
Matt: What?
Gary: His name was Tu Pac, Matt.
*
Seth: I'm still growing into my shoe size
*
*phone rings*
Matt (my brother): Hello? What? Ohh...ok..uh..hold on.. Mom! Someone wants to talk to Chris! Wait..
Mom: He's not here.
Matt: He's not here right now...What? I'm so confused...ok... Mom, it's Chris!
Mom: *shakes her head* He doesn't know his own brother's voice!
Later...
Matt: I told him that Chris wasn't there and he said, 'I know, I'm right here..'
*
Quotes from France :
Jamie: Tara...Remember when I rubbed Sam's butt last night?
(The guy Sam)
*
Jamie: Can you imagine if I fell on this? It'd feel sooo good! (Jamie sitting on a huge pole)
*
Tara: I'm really glad my name's not Tiffany. I'm sooo not a Tiffany. Neither are you. You should be named...Garth.
(Talking to Tiffany)
*
Megan: Oh, damnit! Pimples!
*
Elijah: I'm addicted to second hand smoke.
*
(Elijah bends over, Jamie notices)
Jamie: Go-go Gadget arms!
*
Laura: Est-ce je peux un quatre quilliers? (Translation: May I go to 4 spoons?)
French waiter: I don't understand you.
*
Tiffany stands in line, talking to a french person. Tina (her mother) grabs her arm and pulls her away.
Tina: Tiffany, what's with you and talking to black people?
*
Elijah: Yeh, I'm a lesbian.
*
Sam buys batteries. In the process, the cashier takes her batteries.
About 4 hours later..
Sam: He took my batteries!
*
Tiffany: Elijah would take Jamie to a desert island becaus she would have sex with everything.
*
Jamie: My dad grows pot plants...I sooo just recorded that.
*
(Jess turns on a cd, Sam looks at her funny)
Jess: Do you have a problem with this song?
Sam: No. A peice of muffin fell out of my mouth and I picked it up and put it back in.
*
Meg: My nose is picky.
*
Laura: Lets start the lawnmower with our fingers.
*
Mr. Champagne (our flaky global teacher/coach, talking to his 3 year old son): Ben, you forgot to brush your teeth.
Ben: Goddamn it, dad.
*
Laura: (looks scared)
Jess: What?
Laura: I almost got run over by a xylophone.
*
Guy: Parlez-vous francais?
Laura: Oui Oui
Guy: Tres bein.
(A couple minutes later)
Sam: He said very good.
Laura: Delayed reaction.
(A couple more minutes later)
Sam: Are you calling me slow?
*
Katie (talking to her brother on the phone): Sean? Go get mom.
Sean: What?
Katie: Sean, I'm probably gonna be sleeping there tonight, so if you don't get mom I'll shave off your eyebrows while you're sleeping!
Sean: (hangs up)
Katie: He hung up. I don't think he knew it was me. (calls back)
Katie's mom: Hello?
Katie: Did Sean know it was me? He hung up on me!
Katie's mom: Uhhh...nobody's called here for a few hours..
*
Mrs. Sullivan (our band teacher, about playing our instruments): You can finger it, but you can't blow it.
*
Madam Seeber (our french teacher): le, ha, le ha, le ha.
*
Travis: I know you! You come at our lunch table...No! No, wait..I mean you come TO our lunch table..
*
Laura (to Jess, about her walking me to my class): You gonna go all the way with me?
*
Coach: Courtney, are you ok?
Courtney: I swear to God, I'm going to remove my ovaries.
*
Laura (trying to wipe rain from her glasses): I can't see
Jess: You wanna wipe them on my shirt?
Laura: Ok, pull up your shirt so I don't have to touch your butt. *
Sam: Woah, that was loud. I was supposed to say that in my head.
*
Aubrey: Ewan's coming to visit us.
Sam: Is he coming out of the closet?
*
Aubrey: I had a dream I was playing with Ewan's lightsaber.
*Laura giggles*
*
Joel (from good charlotte): I really love Dashboard, if you don't have the cd, you should really check it out.
Benji (also from good charlotte): Joel listens to it and just cries, and sobs.. tears of heartbreak..
*
meg: laura, promise you won't pelt oranges at me.
laura: i promise.
(3 seconds later meg finds orange on her face)
meg: laura! you promised!
laura: i didn't pelt you with it, i mearly squashed them on you.
*
Katie: they’re a really hot guy in my french class.
Uncle Pat: well, why doesn’t he take a his sweater?
Kt: I wish he would!
*
meg's mom: when i came in, i wasn't here!
*
uncle bob (the real uncle bob): hey, chris?
chris: yeh?
uncle bob: CUT YOUR HAIR, YOU HIPPIE!
*
aubrey: i'm going to suck all the fat out of my butt and put it into my boob.
laura: you mean boobs.
aubrey: no, boob.
*
Uncle Pat: point to your head and say the abbreviation for mountain
Kt: m...t..
*
matt: i did what you asked. you know, run down the street screaming and holding a pineapple. it was ok until i got to the hosiptal. turns of seagulls have a taste for pineapple. I was picking feathers out of my hair for hours.....
*
picard {from the buzz}: ok, now that i've had my pudding...
*
laura: it's kinda like my computer. it doesn't work.
*
meg: put your arm like that...there you go. it's like juicy squid!
*
laura: meagan, i'm serious, we're gonna get raped. look, there's a bus!
*
chantelle: meagan, shut up!!! the dogs are making out!
*
laura: SHUT UP YOU STUPID SEAGULLS! (with an emphasize on you)
*
meagan: hey, I like talking to your away message...it's very colorful...(referring to aim im)
*
Aubrey: laura, i'm a lying bitch
Laura: well, at least you're honest about it
*
Meg: laura, look, it's a drunken rave!!
Laura: uh, meagan, that's a daycare center.
*
Rachel: hey, katie, will you buy me coffee?
Katie: sure. how do you like it?
Rachel: ok, i want french vanilla with half and half, and two equals, but only half of each equal.
Katie: you mean you want one equal?
Rachel: yeh...i guess so
(Katie comes back the the coffee)
Rachel: this tastes weird!
Katie: it must be 'cause i put one equal in, insted of 2 halfs...
Rachel: i guess so
*
Kt: i burnt my fingernails again
Laura: again?
Kt: yeh, it's kinda becoming a habit
*
Aubrey: my dad reads guitar magazine
Laura: my dad reads boating magazine
Nicky: my dad reads better homes and gardens
*
Molly Shannon: it's like when I saw a sad, angry little schoolgirl, running around stabbing people
*
Laura: CRAP!
Kt: what are you crapping about??
*
Laura: so I guess you're feeling good
Sam: yeh, I took some medicine that was quick
Laura: that's good
Sam: yeh, it was quick
*
Laura: I was going to dress you up as a whoar, but I decided not to.
Sara: Why not?
*
Laura: Are…..you….choking…?
*
Aubrey:You just don't go around throwing cheese at people!
*
Katie: shut up!
Matt: stop talking about yourself
*
Katie: mommy, please tell the invisible men to give us our cards back.
*
Ethan Embry {quote from freakylinks}: i can sell my soul to a used cars salesman.
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Laura {in an angry voice}: this is NOT water. this is grass stew.
*
Katie: oh! they have big balls!
*
Laura: crap. i lost.
*
Sam: I swear I didn't mean to hit him there! I just have really bad aim!
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Katie: I hate it there! It's quiet and scary and old ladies hit on me!
*
Katie: You're Turf! No, Taft! Taft!
Laura: who?
Katie: he's fat.
*
Ange: ok, everybody pick a nature object out of the bucket and use it to explain your personality.
Sam: well, i picked this branch because the leaves are colorful, and i'm colorful, and the branches stick out and i stick out.
Laura: i chose the rock because rocks are quiet and they just sort of sit there, and i'm quiet and i just sort of sit there. wait, that didn't come out right.
*
Sam: stupid mind! stop working!
*
Katie {showing us the toe rings where she worked}: look at them! they're really cool. they sell like butter.
*
Aubrey: i have a split personality. her name's elizabeth. she's weird. she kills people.
*
Sam: shoes are way too overrated
*
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