For the beer drinkers out there...... Happy dieting !!!
Your on the right track *laughing*
8 Facts
FACT 1:
A lite beer has between 70 and 100 calories, is almost all water, and
the part that isn't water is almost pure carbohydrates.
FACT 2:
The average diet recommends a daily caloric intake of 1,200 calories
for women, 1,500 for men, if you want to lose the medically safe two to
three pounds a week. On the "Beer-Me" diet, that equates to at least 12
beverages a day for women, and 15 for men. A measurable goal.
FACT 3:
The alcohol in beer is a diuretic, which causes the water to flush
out almost immediately, leading to a consistent workout regimen including
deep knee bends (getting out of the chair), fast walking (getting to the
bathroom) and squats (as the case may be).
FACT 4:
Drinking beer actually helps you sleep-even when you aren't necessarily
tired. All that added rest is certain to help any problems you may
have experienced in sleep deprivation, counting calories on those other
fad diets. In addition, you may
experience the occasional "How did I get here?" when you wake
up, which always makes for lively conversation, and possibly additional
exercise if you have to sneak out and run home.
FACT 5:
The "Beer-Me" diet is good for your heart. After just one day
of consuming your required 12-15 beers, you will certainly want to consume
some aspirin, which is medically proven to help prevent heart attacks.
FACT 6:
On the "Beer-Me" diet you can eat anything you want. The only rule
is that you cannot consume any food until you have consumed at least half
of the day's required beers. This way the food will probably only stay
in your body a short time, until you again exercise the deep knee bends,
quick walk and, this time, the "lean-over-and-hurl" stomach crunches.
FACT 7:
Beer drinking is often done in bars, where other forms of exercise
are common. Dancing, for example, is a good way to build up a thirst,
as is chasing members of the opposite sex. If you really want to maximize
your workout, try actually walking up to the bar, versus using a waitress.
To take this to the extreme, you could even get up and get someone else
a beer-perhaps someone who is newer to the diet plan than yourself.
FACT 8:
Beer is cheaper than Jenny Craig. Based on these facts, let's
run through a given scenario for diet implementation.
CAUTION:
This is a weekend diet plan, and should be attempted during the work
week by only the staunchest of dieters.
MONDAY THROUGH THURSDAY:
Eat junk food and basically be a slob.
FRIDAY:
Feeling "huge," swing by the liquor store and stock up. Go to
favorite place of beer drinking and begin the consumption process (remember
12 for women, 15 for men).
SATURDAY (a.m.):
Wake up (as required) and lounge around all day, feeling slightly smaller
after expunging any food that you may have accidentally consumed (particularly
if it involved beef jerky from 7-11). Take aspirin. Notice that you
have absolutely
no interest in food, anyway.
SATURDAY (p.m.):
Restart cycle, noticing that your appetite has still not returned.
Perhaps only meet half of your consumption goal due to an ongoing
discussion with "the dog that bit you." This is a good thing, as only half-consumption
means less than 1,000 calories for the day, and you still don't feel hungry.
SUNDAY (a.m.):
Wake up for mandatory sports day. This is a very convenient diet during
football season, but it can be successfully implemented year-round. There
is some major professional sport being played every day of the year
except the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star
game (fact-look it up). Consumption on this day should be
paced to cover the entire day-you don't want to peak too soon.
Again you notice a lack of appetite, and are feeling thinner all the time.
Don't forget the aspirin.
MONDAY: Return to work, feeling thinner, well rested and surprisingly
mellow. Mark your log book, and begin preparation for the upcoming
weekend.
Happy dieting !!! *smiling*
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