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| SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. |
SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed. ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender. |
| SYMPTOM: Wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward. ACTION: Have yourself lashed to the bar. |
SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward. ACTION: Have yourself lashed to the bar |
| SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out. ACTION: You are being taken to another bar. |
SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of shirt is wet.
FAULT: Glass applied to wrong part of face. ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror. |
| SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You're looking thru bottom of glass. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. |
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION: Blame the nearest dog, |
| SYMPTOM: Colorful aspect and textures everywhere.
FAULT: Consumption has exceeded limitations. ACTION: Cover mouth and run to nearest rest room. |
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points upward. |
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