*Housework done properly can kill you.*

*A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.*

*A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.*

*Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.*

*If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.*

*No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.*

*My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines.*

*A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious.*

*Countless numbers of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.*