BUMPER STICKERS

* Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ASS?
* If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
* 1,000,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?
* You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
* Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
* You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT
* Save Your Breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date!
* Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
* I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
* WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
* BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
* I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?
* The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
* IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
* Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
* Hang up and drive.
* Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
* I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
* Where there's a will...I want to be in it.
* It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
* Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
* We are born naked, wet, and hungry....Then things get worse.
* Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
* Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
* Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.
* Honk If You Want To See My Finger
* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
* Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
* We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
* He who laughs last thinks slowest.
* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
* It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
* Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
* Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
* I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
* All men are idiots, and I married their King.
* Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
* Montana -- At least our cows are sane!
* Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
* Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
* Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
* OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
* Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
* I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
* Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
* Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its students.
* Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
* Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
* Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
* Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
* We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things got worse.
* Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
* Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
* Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
* Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
* There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
* Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
* Keep honking...I'm reloading