ONE LINERS

- I was so poor growing up... If I wasn't born a boy.... I'd have nothing to play with.
- A girl phoned me the other day and said .... "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
- During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
- One day as I came home early from work ..... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy .... "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."
- Its been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
- I was such an ugly kid........ When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.
- I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
- I was such an ugly baby... My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
- I'm so ugly... My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
- When I was born... The doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father... I'm very sorry... We did everything we could... But he pulled through.
- I'm so ugly... My mother had morning sickness....... AFTER I was born.
- I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
- Once when I was lost..... I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him .... "Do you think we'll ever find them? "He said... "I don't know kid... there are so many places they can hide."
- My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
- I'm so ugly... When I worked in a pet shop, people kept asking how big I'd get.
- I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in he mirror... I feel like throwing up. What's Wrong with me?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
- I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.