INTERVIEW JANUARY 2001 interview by e mail -
BRADO CREAMED CORN interviewing DR. CUBE
1. Has any KAIJU called you a blockhead?
CUBE: I am Kaiju. When I took over this two bit federation, Kaiju Big Battel, last March "Kaiju" was selling two t-shirts a year, and performing in front of 5 fat people at local laundry mats. I should change the name to from Kaiju Big Battel to Dr. Cube's Bitches.
2. What kind of a Doctor are you?
CUBE: Again, I get interview after interview questioning my Dr. legitimacy. You silly humans do not get it do you? I am a famed plastic surgeon, who has single handedly changed the face of medicine as well as sports-entertainment forever. Spider, fern hybrids and an announcer table filled with bananas, yes, I thought of that.
3. Who is your Arch-Enemy, and what would you like to do to them?
CUBE: Super Akuma, Space Bug, it took two of them to strip me of the most coveted price in monster wrestling, the Kaiju Belt. I only hope for their sake that they have enjoyed the fruits of Mayhem in the Atrium IV. Because I have big plans to get the Kaiju strap back. The next time they see me I will avenge the death of my Hell Monkey. His soft red fur and the smell of expensive cars were two of my most favorite things.
4. Do you ever beat up your opponent to near death, than revive them only to harm them more?
CUBE: I play games. I enjoy watching nerves twitch as life escapes. Yet, I'm very much about business in the ring. Humiliation is only part of life in the squared circle.
5. Being a Doctor and all do you spare Hospitals and other Medical Buildings during your rampages and battles?
CUBE: No, I do not respect the medical industry or any industry. I have a host of underpaid slave labor camps manufacturing Kaiju merchandise as we speak. I also have a stock portfolio that will crash America's economy with a single click of a button. I do enjoy collapsing third world countries' economies with the click of a button by adjusting my online stock portfolio. E trade is fabulous. What a fun little scam. All the Internet nonsense is just a fad. Youšll see, I tightened my purse strings in the Fall. Just wait and see, it will be so fun to see the "e-bottom" fall out and watch all those hungry rats scramble in a panic. You humans really do amuse me with the commercial games you play with yourselves. Did you really think that you could just add the letter "e" or "i" in front or every product and service and youšd save your capitalistic economy. By God, you have got to realize, capitalism is a failed economic system. And although it may be the best system you have got, it is a failed system. Trust me I know, I profit from such failures, I wouldnšt have it any other way. Why do you think your government would rather pay $665.99 for a new cesspool pump instead of $0.0065 that it costs to maintain. And I know, I own those government contracts for all those sewer pumps. I digress. Evil doesnšt lend itself to strict concentration.
6. Do you have any Malpractice law suits against you? (If so, I'm sure they're in at least the billions of dollars)
CUBE: What I do is perfectly legal within your simple minded system of laws. I have performed many operations on both human and animal with a high degree of success. With the exception of my deaths in the ring efforts of course. One cannot be blamed for the loss of life there.
7. Where do you originate from exactly?
CUBE: From a place that you as a fat human could never dream of, a place so beautiful, because it is devoid of cysts like you.
8. Any closing statements?
CUBE: I may have lost the belt to the two most powerful monsters in Kaiju, but do not think for a second that Dr.Cube will lay down and allow a green Ozzy Osborne impostor or a diamond wearing devil worshiping ninny like Super Akuma take over. I have major surprises for the next Kaiju Big Battel event this spring. Surprises that will change the face of monster wrestling forever. Support American slave labor and buy my t-shirts at www.kaiju.com.
