An Interlude: At The Kitchen Table

Ahn

As the members of the Scooby gang gathered around the kitchen table and
glanced at her sympathetically, Buffy groaned.

Willow glanced at Faith, who simply shrugged. “B, it’s not the end of
the world...”

“Yes, it is,” Buffy’s muffled voice said.”It’s a disaster!”

Joyce patted her daughter's head."It's not so bad, honey. You'll see. We
have eight days to the wedding..."

Buffy glared at her mother."Mom, Dad's in the hospital for a cracked
jaw. He has to stay there for the night. Angel was the one who cracked
it. Dad *hates* Angel now, I know it! Angel was supposed to make nice
with Dad, but instead...he decks him!"

Willow, Xander and Faith glanced at each other. Faith cleared her
throat.”Buffy...did you say that *Angel* decked your father?”

Buffy nodded morosely, then glared at the basement door.”Yeah. Angel was
aiming for Spike, but Spike ducked. Angel clocked my dad instead. Now
Dad’s in the hospital with a broken jaw.”

The ceiling thumped twice. Buffy glared at it.”Alright, it’s a cracked
one. But still, result’s the same. Dad’s incapacitated.”

Xander whispered to Faith.”And we *missed* it?”

The ceiling thumped. Buffy looked up and glared at it, then
continued."And Dad has to take it easy for two days. In those two days,
he is supposed to have no stress. That means we have to postpone the
fittings of the tuxes, the planning of the menu for the dinner with the
friends and families, start planning a wedding breakfast because Nana
insist on it, shop for the rest of my trousseau, do the final fittings
of my gown as well as yours, Willow's and Faith's. And a hundred other
million little things that I can’t think of...And to top it all off, Dad
wants me to use Owen’s help!"

The ceiling thumped twice. Joyce looked at the ceiling, then looked at
her daughter.

“Cor! That dad of yours is a *real* idiot! First he’s hunted, now he
cracks his jaw! What a moron!” shouted a voice from the basement. Buffy
glared at it.

“Shut up, Spike! You keep out of this discussion!”shouted Buffy.

“If the great wanker that you’re marrying can stomp on the floor to
voice his opinion, then I can bloody well shout mine from down here!
Especially since this idiotic discussion is keeping *me* awake!”Spike
shouted back.”And furthermore-”

“Oh, wow! Look, gang, Spike knows a three syllable word!” Buffy said
snippily. The ceiling thumped once.

“Buffy...”Joyce said in a warning tone.”Stop. And you as well, Liam! If
neither of you are going to say something productive, then I suggest
that you don't say anything.”

“But, Mom! What can we do with Dad and the stuff that he’s supposed to
do? I mean we worried about him knowing about my Slaying, but I didn’t
want him totally incapacitated!” Buffy wailed as she put her head down on
the table.”And he’s being hunted! Mom!”

"Well, look at it this way, at least your father is temporarily not in
the way of our talking for the moment,"said Xander. Buffy shot him a
look."And *that's* not the thing that I should have said just about now,
is it? Oz, help me out, here."

“Nah, I’ll just watch you master the foot-in-mouth disease,”Oz said as
he entered the room. He sat next to Willow.

"Fine then. I can extricate myself from this. How about Owen? How's he
doing? What's he doing?"Xander asked. Buffy simply shrugged. The ceiling
thumped twice.”And I’m guessing that change of topic is not good for
Dead Boy up there...”

“You bet it’s not, Ears! Angel boy’s cursing a blue streak and saying
something about ripping your ears to tiny pieces,”Spike chortled. Xander
thumped his head on the table.”And he’s sayin-”

"Ignore them, I’m trying to. Owen said that he's working for my dad. He
does some sort of security system management with the computers,"Buffy
said loudly as she scowled both at the basement and ceiling."He got out
of the brooding stage when he got out of the service three years ago. He
said that he wanted to do something while he's staying to help Dad. Said
that he'd-"

The ceiling thumped twice, then four more times. Buffy looked up at it
and scowled.”If you don’t want to hear this, Angel, then don’t listen!”

“Pretty boy said that if you talk about this Owen chap, he’s going to
have to...rip out his lungs and use them as a clothes line after
he...flosses his teeth with them and use his intestines as a
condom,”Spike said. Buffy and the other looked at each other, then up at
the ceiling.

“Eww!” they said collectively. Buffy scowled at the ceiling.

“Angel! That’s disgusting! Now I’m totally turned off! You don’t want
Owen near me, but you’re willing to use his intestines as a condom to
use? Gross!”

The ceiling thumped several times. Joyce looked up at it.”Angel! If I
have to get a new ceiling because of your stomping, you’re paying for
it! Anyone want a drink?”

“Can I have my usual, Mum?”Spike shouted immediately. Joyce got out the
packet of cocoa and small marshmallows.

“Anyone else want a drink?”

“I do. Hey, when is Giles supposed to be here?”Xander asked in
general.”Is he still in the library?”

“I’ll have a glass of OJ, Mom,”Buffy said.”Yeah, I think he’s trying to
delay talking with Nana for as long as he can. I think that he’s a bit
afraid of her.”

“As well he should be, Elizabeth,”said a voice imperiously from the door
way. Buffy looked up and saw her Nana Bethie, and grinned. Her Nana
smiled back.”I’ll have some water, please, Joyceln. Well, that was a
refreshing nap. Thank you, young man.”

Oz nodded as he moved back to his seat and Nana sat in hers.

“You need it for an old girl of your age,”shouted Spike’s voice. Nana
looked at the basement door.

“Is the giant leech still here? Funny, I thought he would have morphed
into something the dustman could carry out,”Nana said complacently.”In a
very *small* packet.”

“Yeah, the leech is still here, Nana,” Buffy said as she scowled at the
basement door.”And he’s being a royal pain in the arse.”

The ceiling thumped. Nana Bethie looked at the ceiling, then at her
great-granddaughter.”And I assume that the groom-to-be is up there and
awake?”

“Yeah, that’s Angel,”Xander quipped.”Trapped up in Buffy’s room,
sniffing at her underwear. And kissing Mr.Gordo.”

Everyone looked at Xander.”What?I’m not allowed to make a funny?”

“That wasn’t funny, Xander,”Willow said as she looked at him.

“It was sort of kinky,”Oz finished.”In a pig fetish sort of way. With
underwear.”

The ceiling thumped several more times. Buffy scowled.”Can we like *not*
talk about my underwear?”

“Why? The poof likes wearing it often enough ”Spike hollered out. The
ceiling thumped several more times.”Yeah? You and what army, Pretty boy?
I’m ready-What? I’ll stake you-”

“SHUT UP!!”Joyce screamed at the top of her lungs.”I’ve had quite enough
out of both of you. Next one that thumps or hollers will get their
little butts tanned, and I mean it! And Xander! Drop the subject on
kinky and underwear!"

Xander nodded meekly. Joyce looked at the basement door. Spike's voice
came out meekly."Yes, Mum. And...Poof up there says he's sorry, too. But
he still wants to talk about the Slayer's underwear. Especially the red
lace one."

Faith cocked her eye at a very red-faced Buffy as Joyce growled at the
basement door. "Liam..."

"Ah, sorry, Mum,"said the voice. Satisfied, Joyce went back to gathering
drinks.

"I must say, Elizabeth, you have interesting friends,"Nana Bethie said.
She looked at Xander again."Quite interesting even if they are a
bit...eccentric. Now, how goes the wedding plans?"

"The Slayer's whining! And she's crying about her da having his jaw
cracked by Poof upstairs!"

Buffy scowled at the basement and was about to go down when Joyce
stopped her."Liam! You stop baiting her this instant! Or else the cocoa
and the marshmallows are going right down the sink!"

"But she started it!"

"Liam...you started it this time. Now, if you don't stop, I'm pouring
the cocoa down the drain,"Joyce said warningly. Nana Bethie looked at
her granddaughter with interest, then looked at her great-grandchild.
Then she caught the eye of the other Slayer, Faith. She merely shrugged.
In amazement, Nana Bethie shook her head.

After a moment's silence."Yes, Mum."

With a satisfied nod, Joyce turned to get the drinks."Good, then. Now,
Buffy, now that we have a moment's respite from all the mayhem that was
going on this morning, we start planning a schedule. Willow, are you
ready?"

"Pen in hand, paper out front,"Willow said. Oz smiled at her as he
kissed her hand.

"That's my wife,always prepared,"Oz said. Willow blushed.

"Can you get this show on the road? You lovey-dovey people are starting
to make me heave!"

Buffy rolled her eyes."First order, I'll stay with Dad in the hospital
tonight. So that no vamp will get him while he's there."

"No vamp will, Elizabeth,"Nana Bethie said complacently."But you had
better guard the hospital just as well. The leeches are planning to raid
the blood bank."

Everyone looked at her with great interest. Joyce cleared her
throat."Nana? How do you know that?"

"Because, I do, Joyceln,"Nana Bethie said complacently as she sipped her
water."Just as I know that if there will be a beautiful wedding for
Elizabeth, there will be a messy reception. Or vice versa. Just as I
knew that you were going to have a daughter."

"Giles said that you were a Finder, not a Watcher. You find potential
Slayers. What is that, Nana?"Buffy asked."And why didn't you find me?"

"A Finder is a part of the Watcher. We're an order of, well, the flicks
call us precogs or espers. But that's sort of what we do. It's a jumble
of being telepathic, precognitive and damn good researchers. And I
didn't have to find you because I didn't have to," she said. Nana Bethie
looked at her granddaughter, then at her great-granddaughter."Because I
knew."

"You knew that Buffy was going to be a Slayer?"Willow said in
amazement."But she didn't start training until she was about fourteen or
fifteen years old."

"I know, and if I had my choice, she wouldn't *be* the Slayer at
all,"Nana Bethie said."But the Finger of Fate was not to be denied.
Suspended, but not denied."

Everyone looked at her in confusion.

"I suppose that you want the long and short of the story,"Nana Bethie
said."But here it is in a nutshell...I am, or rather, I was a Finder. I
find potential Slayers and tell the Watcher's Council where the
potential girls Chosen to be a Slayer were. If a vampire knows we are
nearby, they kill us immediately."

"Damn right we do! And I would have killed you if it hadn't been for
that bad piece of luck!"

Nana Bethie ignored Spike."In my ten years of training and forty years
of being a Finder, I have found over two thousand potential Slayers. And
in that time, over fourteen hundred of them were activated. And if they
were not, then their daughters or grand-daughters were."

"A record for a Finder that has never been broken,"Giles said softly as
he entered the kitchen. He smiled at Joyce and gathered her into his
arms."You were friends with my grandmother, and both of you retired when
my father became a Watcher."

"Your grandmother was my greatest friend, Rupert. I miss her still,"Nana
Bethie said affectionately. She looked out at the dying sunlight."We
retired because we could not do our jobs with absolute detachment
anymore."

Nana Bethie focused her eyes on Joyce."I was the mother of five sons.
Your father, Joyceln, was my middle child and my dearest child. When you
were born, I knew that you were a potential."

"Mom? A potential Slayer? You're kidding!"Buffy said in total
astonishment."My mom? She can't even kill bugs!"

"Then you know how slayers are chosen,"Willow exclaimed."Is it some like
great process? Hand of God and all that?"

Nana Bethie shook her head."Nothing like that. Any female from the time
they had their first menstruation to nine years after can become the
Slayer. And any female can be stopped from becoming a Slayer."

"Any girl? A Slayer? And can be stopped from becoming one?"Willow
yelped."But-"

"Several factors. It is all very vague,"Nana Bethie sighed."There are
direct and indirect ways to become a Slayer. Such as either parent or
child exposed to a Slayer or a potential. The child before the age of
five exposed to a demon. The child is born on a certain or time of the
year. And all other sorts of ways to become a Slayer or a potential. It
is all very, very confusing."

"And how do you stop one from becoming a Slayer?"Buffy asked meekly.
Nana Bethie looked at her grand-daughter sadly.

"There are many ways to stop a potential Slayer. But the one sure way is
to fall in love and have a child before being called,"Nana Bethie said
softly. Joyce looked at her grandmother as realization hit her."But then
if a daughter is born within four years of having sex...that child will
be the Slayer."

"What about me?" Faith demanded."How was I chosen to be a Slayer? My
parents died in a street accident when I was a baby, and then I was
picked up by my Watcher when I was ten. I became a Slayer when I was
nineteen. Why was I Chosen?"

Nana Bethie smiled."Because you were. Your mother was a potential and
your paternal grandmother was. They were watched, but then your parents
had that accident and you were lost to us until another Finder found
you."

"This is all so confusing,"Buffy complained.

"Told you it was,"Nana Bethie smiled wryly."You should see me try to do
a confidence game or parlor tricks on my friends. Want to see me shuffle
cards and make them disappear? I'm even better at betting pools."

Xander, Willow, Faith and Oz smiled weakly at the joke. Nana Bethie
looked at them with a canny eye.

When Giles cleared his throat, Nana Bethie looked at him."You
said...that both you and my grandmother retired because both of you
couldn't do your jobs anymore...what happened?"

"You were born. And Joyceln was born,"Nana Bethie said. Giles's mouth
fell."It was simple and as confusing as that."

Buffy scowled."Come that by me again?"

"When Rupert was born, I saw him as a great Watcher to a Slayer,"Nana
Bethie explained."That was why your father was harsher than most. And
that was why...the Watcher Council... swallowed your antics like a
bitter pill for so long. When Joyceln was born, I saw three futures for
her. And all with the same ending. One as a Slayer. Another as the
Mother of the Slayer. And another as a normal mother with children about
her. Care to wager on which future I wanted for her?"

"Let me hazard a guess, a normal mother of the Slayer?"Xander asked.
Willow and Buffy rolled her eyes. While Oz stared calmly at Xander as
Faith smacked him on the head.

"Elizabeth, why don't you let Spike have him for dinner?"

"No way, Beth! I might get indigestion!"Spike shouted back.

Joyce asked hesitantly."And what was the ending of my life?"

"Joyce..."Giles murmured as he gripped her hard."You may not want to
know..."

"It's nothing drastic, Rupert. Not really, since it all came to pass,
anyway,"Nana Bethie said."You were supposed to be a prominent figure in
Joyceln's life. Be it as her Watcher, Elizabeth's Watcher or her
husband."

Nana Bethie's eyes clouded over as she smiled and looked at her glass of
water. Her eyes filled with memories."My husband had died two years
before your birth, Joyceln. He was not there to stop me. Your
grandmother, Rupert, helped me hide Joyceln."

Nana Bethie smiled as she looked at Joyce and Rupert."It became rather
simple when your parents died in the aeroplane accident, no one really
remembered your birth because it was all kept very quiet. No one had the
desire to see you as a Slayer or the Mother of one. Guineve was the only
one that was aware of your existence, and of my plans for you. I sent
you to my cousins in America, in a relatively demonless area. They cared
for you, and you were to resurface when you were past time to become a
Slayer or the Mother of one."

Then Nana Bethie smiled wryly."But then you met the idiot and became
involved with him, won that art contest which took you into contact with
a potential Slayer, then had Elizabeth. In short order. Like I said,
Finger of Fate can't be stopped, only delayed. More water please?"

The room remained silent. Then Xander spoke."Well, that's depressing.
Can you tell me my future as well?"

"Do you really want to know? Or are you just asking,"Nana Bethie said
bluntly."The future is all very vague and can change at any time, given
all the actions we do. What I say may delay a reaction or action, and
the future is changed again. When Guineve and I...when we hid Joyceln,
it was clear to us that we were interfering with the Choice of the
Slayer. We could do what we once did for the Watchers, no more. And we
have never regretted it."

Then Nana Bethie smiled slightly as she looked around her."Don't look so
Friday-faced, children. All will be well. As long as you don't encounter
a blizzard of white from here on to the wedding."

"What?!?" Xander yelped."Tell me you're kidding, Nana! Please!"

Nana Bethie looked at him warily."You *are* a strange one, child. But to
make matters rest more easily, yes, I was joking. Are you drinking too
much tea?"

"Nope, just living by the Hellmouth too long,"Willow said
cheerfully."Now let's get to planning."

"Yes, I have to discuss some things with Rupert soon, but I'd like to
get this done first,"Nana Bethie said briskly."Now, Elizabeth, though I
disapprove of Thurman wanting to take you out to lunch tomorrow to a
small Chinese restaurant-"

"Owen's not taking me to a Chinese restaurant,"Buffy said slowly.

"He will,"Nana Bethie said confidently. She scowled at the sudden
thumping of the ceiling."Hush, up there, Angel! It will happen!"

More thumping was heard. Buffy winced."I think he's upset."

"Yeah! And he's cursing a blue streak that puts *my* mouth to shame!"
Spike hollered happily."Is it time to come out yet? I want more cocoa,
Mum! With lotsa marshmallows!"

"In an hour, Liam! Where is sunset when you need it?"Joyce groaned."I
never should have told him that I had bought extra cocoa and
marshmellows."

Buffy scowled at her mother."That reminds me, why did he come here,
Mom?"

"She sent me an email,"Spike hollered back."Needs me to behave and
represent Angel's side of the family of sorts. To make your idiot of a
dad happy."

Willow stared at the basement door."You have an email account? How?
Why?"

"So that Mum can contact me whenever she wants, send me some clothes and
tell me if Dru ever shows up in Sunnyhell,"Spike hollered back. It's not
*my* fault that Hotmail sets up free email accounts! Take it up with
them if you don't like it! SHUT YOUR HOLE UP PRETTY BOY! "

Everyone stared Joyce who shrugged."What can I say? It works. It keeps
him out of trouble. And it brings him here."

Nana Bethie rolled her eyes and sighed."I think that there should be an
assylum for us soon."


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