Drunken Antics (Part 2)

Ahn

Disclaimers in Part 1

"So, think the girls are up to a visit from us?"Xander asked as his ball
went in.

"Nahh. Think theyíd be, like, mad if we tried,"Oz said as he looked
around bored."Donít want to get killed by them. Or worse lose out on
smoochies if we try to crash."

"Yeah, the fems would probably pull the cold on us if we tried," Xander
grimaced."Least theyíre not doing anything dangerous, like we usually
do."

*****

"Well, here we are! At the vamp factory,"Cordelia announced."So whatís
the plan? We go our holy water, stakes and crosses."

"I even got my crossbow,"Buffy said happily."Letís visit Spike."

"Should we get Angel out of the trunk?"Willow asked as she took a cross
and stuffed it in her jeans. Buffy shrugged.

"Why not? Itís not like weíre gonna need him after we see Spike. Oughta
be happy we gave him a lift home."

The girls entered the factory, dragging Angel along. Cordelia looked
around the place and grimaced."Ugh...what a mess! How can anyone live
well around here?"

"We live here just fine,"an accented voice answered."What the hell do
you three want?"

"Spike!"Buffy said delightfully."Howíve you been? Getting better yet?"

"Iím fine, Slayer. No thanks to you,"Spike said as he rolled out with
two minions."What the hell are you doing here?"

"We came to give Angel a lift home, but weíre really here to see you,
Spike! We really want to see all of you!"Willow said happily."Arenít you
glad to see us?"

"Beg your pardon?"Spike asked, a bit puzzled."You...came to bring
Angel...home?"

"Yeah,"Buffy said as she threw the still gagged and tied Angel between
them and the wheel-chair bound Spike."We gave him a ride home. But we
really want to see you. Actually, a part of you."

Cordelia sighed."Actually. we wanted to see your thing. Especially since
Buffy wouldnít let us see Angelís."

"Hey! That was a private matter,"Buffy protested."It started between me
and him, and ended between me and him. Besides, you SAID that you
wouldnít let ME see Xanderís thing."

"Thatís different!"Cordelia pouted."Xander wonít even let ME see his
thing. But Iíd bet that Oz would let you if Willow asked!"

"Oz wouldnít do it either,"Willow said morosely,"He slaps my hands away
everytime my hands go on his belt."

"Excuse me, but WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"Spike shouted. Buffy glared
at him.

"No need to be rude,Spike. Jeez, hope you get off the wheels soon,
slayingís no fun without you,"Buffy pouted."Like Cordy said, weíre here
to see you."

"For what? Last I heard, weíre enemies. E-N-E-M-I-E-S. Know what that
means?"

"Yep. It means that weíre mortal rivals,"Willow said happily."But weíre
not here as enemies or rivals. We just want to see your thing."

"My what?"

"Your thing,"Willow said slowly."Your member...your...family
jewels...your thing..."

Spike stared at her. Willowís eyes rounded in alarm."You DO have a
thing, donít you? I mean, itís not like, gone, is it? Buffy! What if
itís gone?"

"Iím sure itís not gone,"Cordelia soothed."Iím sure itís still there, or
else why would he be called Spike? Heíd be named Spikeless then.
Unless...itís more of a phall-phall...oh, symbolic name than anything
else.

"Oh, Iím sure that the thing is still there,Cordy,"Buffy said in a sure
tone."Iíve kicked it a couple of times. But Iím not sure that it works."

"What are you girls talking about?"Spike shouted. Buffy glared at him.

"Well tell us the truth, IS your thing still working?"

"YES! Itís still working! But WHY are you here?"Spike shouted.

Cordelia waved her hand imperiously."We TOLD you. Because we wanted to
see how big your thing is. Buffy wouldnít let us see Angelís, not that
we blame her, since you were the first choice and all, but he was just
there."

Angel groaned. His pride was in shreds. Let Buffy stake him now and be
done with it.Cordelia continued."So we all decided to see a real one,
not one from a mag, before weíre all not like, virgins. So we picked a
neutral body, so to speak. Yours."

Spike stared at her."The Hellmouthís finally done it. You girls are
finally trippiní. You girls actually came here to see what my cock looks
like."

All three girls nodded. Willow smiled brightly."And we even brought
Angel home."

"You think I want him home?"Spike snarled."You couldíve staked him for
all I care!"

"So you wonít show us your thing?"Buffy pouted."Thatís not nice."

Spike just stared at the Slayer. Willow offered."Well, how about we show
you the guysí things? From the mags of Harmonyís mom?"

"NO!"Spike roared. Willow tried again.

"How about if we get Xanderís and Ozís things for you to see?"

"NO!"Spikeís face was growing red.//IíM NEVER going to live this down.//

Willow asked again."Our things? Not that we have things, but we do have
a different version of a male thing."

"Iím not showing him my thing,"Buffy stated emphatically."No matter
*how* cute he is. Offer him some coolers, Will."

"How about-"

Spike roared."NO! NO! NO! I donít want to see a mag of a manís thing! I
DONíT want to see Xanderís and Ozís things! *I DONíT WANT TO SEE YOUR
THINGS! "

"But we want to see yours,"Willow pouted. Spike glared at her.

"Enough of this! Attack them and throw them out!"Spike ordered the two
minions. They raced towards the girls. One tried to attack Buffy, but
she threw a stake at his heart. The other raced towards Cordelia who
threw a vial of holy water at his face, and as he screamed, Willow
staked him. Then the three looked at Spike. He took one look, and tried
to roll away, but Buffy caught him. Angel tried to trip her, but she
kicked him in the stomach. Buffy then placed a glaring game faced Spike
in front of the girls."Who goes first?"

"What about Angel?"

"Oh, haul him up on the chair. So we wonít trip on him,"Buffy
ordered."Canít have a man littering the hallway."

"What about Spikeís teeth? And hands?"

Buffy tied them with a cloth she had in her jacket pocket. Then she
found a handkerchief on a table nearby, and gagged him. Buffy kissed him
on the cheek."Be good,Spike, and weíll be quick. Now spread your legs
wide..."

Spike glared at her. Then he sniffed, and went wide-eyed. He then looked
at the two rosy cheeked girls kneeling around him.//Criminy! THEY WERE
DRUNK! His two minions were dusted by three drunken horny girls!!//

"I got the belt,"Willow giggled. Cordelia giggled as Buffy placed her
cheek against Spikeís and her arms flung around his chest. Her hands
traced the muscles there.

"Been working out,Spike. Feeliní the muscles there,"Buffy said huskily.
Spike stared at the Slayerís lust filled eyes.//This was NOT
happening.//

"I got the zipper,"Cordelia crowed. Then her eyes widened."Wow... better
than the pics..."

"Does it work?"Willow asked. Spike glared at her. Buffy frowned and
reached over to gently stroke it. It immediately went up at her touch.
Buffy grinned as Spike groaned.

"Guess it does. Gee, from this angle, it looks as big as Angelís,"Buffy
commented. Spike and Angel glared at her."Maybe a slight different in
size? Touch it Will, and see if itíll go up some more."

Willow was hesitant to touch the thing."What does it feel like?"

"Angelís felt like cold marble this time around,"Buffy frowned."This one
feels a little...

Cordeliaís head shot up."Buffy! Weíve got company!"

"Oh, pooh!"Willow said."Should we put him back?"

"Yeah, Iíll do it. I put back Angelís,"Buffy said."Go to the car and be
ready to scat."

Cordelia and Willow quickly rose up to go to the door. Buffy quickly
stuffed Spikeís thing back into his jeans with a little trouble."Itíd
help if you lifted your hips a little, Spike. Got no desire to have
Drucilla come in here with your pants down. There."

Buffy kissed his nose before she raced out of the door."Get better
Spike. Slayiní no fun without you, and I wanna stake you soon as youíre
on your feet. By the way, you were better than the pics!"

*****

"Ready to call it a night?"Oz asked. Xander nodded."Want to do something
with the girls tomorrow?"

"Nahh, letís have a man thing instead,"Xander said.

"We had that tonight,"Oz said patiently.

"Oh. Then letís call the girls and have a Scooby thing tomorrow.
Prophecies, problems and demons, not included."

*****

Spike glared at Angel. Angel glared at Spike.

"They were drunk,"Spike said."And not thinking too clearly."

"I know that, roller boy,"Angel growled."So whatís the story we tell? Or
you want to say how three drunk girls over came four vampires just to
take a look at our...things."

"MY thing,"Spike growled back. He had the perverse satisfaction of know
that all three wanted to look at HIS rather than Angelís first. That the
Slayer was turned on by HIM. And she kissed HIM. And was waiting to
fight HIM.

"Whatever,"Angel growled.How dare Buffy want to see Spikeís before HIS.
That she admitted to waiting to fight SPIKE. To compare HIS cock against
SPIKEíS. It was humiliating."So whatís the story?"

"The girls came in to kill us both, and they heard the others pull up,
then ran,"Spike said flatly."No mention about them wanting to look at
our...things."

"Agreed. Shake,"Angel growled. The two vampires shook hands and parted.
But as they turned away from each other, Spike started to grin widely as
Angelís face grew white with hatred for his ex-lover and her friends

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