EPISODE 1 - COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS
Mrs. Richards, a deaf lady, comes to stay in the hotel. She is somewhat of a difficult person, especially with Basil, whom, after a misinterpretation with Manuel, she thinks is called Mr. Watt. Meanwhile, Mr. Firkins, a bookee, gives Basil a tip on a horse, called 'Dragonfly', which he just doesn't want Sybil to find out about. He asks Manuel to put a bet on for him, and tells him that he knows nothing about the horse. Mrs. Richards meanwhile, complains that there is no paper in her room, meaning lavatory paper, although Polly, who thinks she means writing paper, explains that they keep it in the lounge, and asks how many sheets she'd like. Feeling insulted, she complains to Basil, who unsuccessfully tries to explain the misunderstanding. That's not all. She later complains that she has had £85 taken from her, and, although Sybil promises to look for it, she insists on calling the police. Basil, who is fed up with her, plays a cruel trick of miming at her, until she turns her hearing-aid up to full volume, and then shouts really loudly. Sybil meanwhile, suddenly remembers seeing Polly with some money. Basil panics, as he knows it is the money he won on the horse. When Sybils asks, Polly tells her that she won it, after having a bet on the horse Basil got a tip on. That evening, Basil asks the Major to look after the money and tells him he won it on a horse. The next morning, when Basil gets the money back off the Major, Sybil sees him, and thinks it is Mrs. Richards missing money. When it is returned to her, and she counts it, she complains it is £10 short, and questions the Major about why it was in his jacket pocket, whilst Basil is not very succcessful in explaining that the money was actually his. Meanwhile, Sybil tells Basil to give Mrs. Richards £10 from the till. Basil then breaks down, when suddenly a Mr. Kerr, a delivery man arrives with a vase, purchased by Mrs. Richards. He also hands Basil a glove, which Mrs. Richards had left at the shop, containing £95. Basil suddenly becomes ecstatic, and proudly gives Mrs. Richards £10, and pockets the rest of the money. When Sybil sees him with the money, Polly quickly tells her that it is the money she won on the horse, and Basil tells her that Polly asked him to put it in the safe for her. While Basil is clutching Mrs. Richards' vase, the Major suddenly blows Basil's cover with Sybil about winning the money on the horse. Basil ends up dropping the vase, which smashes to smithereens. Mrs. Richards tells him that it cost £75, and so Sybil says she'll pay her back...and gives her Basil's money.
EPISODE 2 - THE PSYCHIATRIST
The guests in the hotel include Mr. Johnson, a youngish bloke, who seems to fancy Sybil, Raylene Miles, a young Australian girl, whom Sybil thinks Basil is after, and Mr. and Mrs. Abbot, of whom Mr. Abbot is a psychiatrist. Basil is nervous about having a psychiatrist stay in the hotel, and when he gets his wires crossed during a conversation about having a holiday, when asked how often he and Sybil manage to do it, he says they do it three or four times a week! Meanwhile, Mr. Johnson smuggles a girl into his room, and when Basil hears a female laugh coming from his room, he becomes determined to catch him out. When the Abbots catch him listening outside Mr. Johnson's room, he pretends to be checking the walls. When he sneaks into Raylene's room, unaware that she is there, she screams, and Sybil thinks he is groping her. He even tries to climb up a ladder and peak through Mr. Johnson's window, but he falls off. When Manuel explains to Sybil that he was trying to see a girl, she thinks he means Raylene. She throws him out of his own room. Meanwhile, after spilling some black liquid on his hand, he thinks he has caught Mr. Johnson's girlfriend, but instead he has got Raylene, who gets a black handprint on one of her breasts, just as Sybil comes out, after hearing her screaming. Eventually, Basil, who is tired of Sybil's accusations, tells her the truth, and decides to confront Mr. Johnson face-to-face. When he asks if he has a female companion, he tells him that Mrs. Johnson is with him. When Basil asks who she is (because he knows Mr. Johnson is single), he claims she's his mother. While Basil calls her out, and at the same time tries to imagine a young bird as Mr. Johnson's mother, out comes an elderly woman. Feeling he's been done, Basil buries himself inside his suit, and hops about on the landing, whilst some of the residents, including Dr. Abbot and his wife, appear, and Dr. Abbot murmurs "I'm on holiday!".
EPISODE 3 - THE WALDORF SALAD
On a typical evening, the dining room is busy with people, some of which are not entirely happy with the service. Afterwards, Manuel, Polly and Terry are about to go off to a karate class, when some American guests arrive - Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton. They want something to eat, so Basil tells them that the chef stops work at nine. When Mr. Hamilton offers £20 to keep the chef on, Basil tries to get Terry to stay, but ends up letting him go. Meanwhile, the Hamiltons make their order - they want a screwdriver (which Basil doesn't realise is a drink), a Waldorf Salad and a Green Salad. After confusion about the screwdrivers, they cancel them and order Vodka and Orange Juice instead. Basil has to ask what's in a Waldorf Salad, and, in the kitchen, he abuses an imaginary chef. Eventually, Sybil finds the ingredients (celery, apples, walnuts and grapes), and serves the Hamiltons, whilst Basil, unaware of this, prepares two Green Salads. Basil constantly has to give the imaginary chef messages from Mr. Hamilton, who thinks he is totally incompetent. Eventually, he realises that the chef isn't really there, and Basil is making the meal himself. While all the guests gather in the lobby, Mr. Hamilton makes a stand against the state of the hotel. Basil reassures Mr. Hamilton that there have been thousands of satisfied customers. He decides to ask them all whether or not they are satisfied, and, it turns out that they all are. However, one lot of guests suddenly claim that they aren't satisfied, after which, everyone else changes their mind. Basil furiously tells all his guests to leave, but then decides that instead he shall leave. He walks out, through some pouring rain, and, after a few steps, he pauses, returns, and asks Sybil for a room, where he can have breakfast of 'Eggs, Bacon, Sausage and Tomato, with a Waldorf Salad, all washed down with the lashings of hot screwdriver'.
EPISODE 4 - THE KIPPER AND THE CORPSE
One of the guests, Mrs. Chase, has with her a chitzu, who is rather ill. Another guest, Mr. Leeman, who is staying for the night, and then supposed to be picked up in the morning for a meeting, is also a bit unwell. He orders a breakfast of kippers, which, the next morning, Basil queries about using - he thinks they should have been eaten about three weeks ago. Meanwhile, Mrs. Chase orders sausages for her dog. Basil meanwhile, reluctantly takes the kippers up to Mr. Leeman, whom, although Basil doesn't realise this, is dead. Basil goes downstairs, going on about him not saying a single word. Polly, meanwhile, goes up with the milk that has been forgotten, and tells Sybil that he is dead. When Basil finds out, he is convinced it was the kippers, which he tries to discard, until Polly manages to persuade him to feel Mr. Leeman, who is stone cold, and hasn't even touched the kippers. Dr. Price, one of the guests, comes up to examine the body, and just stares at Basil, who has kippers hidden down his jumper. When the doctor finishes the examination, Basil, Polly and Manuel attempt to move the body to the office until the undertakers arrive. While they are doing so, Miss Tibbs sees the body, and, after screaming "Murder!", faints. When some guests, Mr. and Mrs. White are heard coming up the stairs, Polly distracts them, while Basil and Manuel quickly hide the bodies...in Mr. and Mrs. White's room. The bodies are hidden in the wardrobe, and, while Mr. and Mrs. White are still in their room, Miss Tibbs comes round, and hammers on the wardrobe. Forced to let her out, Basil convinces the White's that she went in of her own accord, whilst she cries out "He's dead!", to which Basil pretends is her husband, who died 30 years ago and she's not got over it yet. After a lie down, Miss Tibbs goes into the office to confront Basil, only to find the dead body, sitting in the chair, and faints again. While Sybil looks after Miss Tibbs, Basil takes the body to the kitchen, but when Dr. Price sees it, he tells them they can't keep a dead body in a room with food. Basil puts the body into the laundry basket and takes it out into the lobby. Dr. Price meanwhile, wants his breakfast of sausages, which he hasn't yet had, due to having to examine the body. Eventually, the people meeting Mr. Leeman arrive, and when they tell Basil that they've come to 'collect' him, he thinks they're the undertakers, and they are curious as to what he's doing in the basket. When he realises they are meant to be taking him to a meeting, Polly quickly pretends that she and Basil thought they had come to collect 'the linen'. Eventually, the body ends up in front of the hat stand, with Basil standing in front of it. This cause a bit of a problem for a gentleman who wants to get his hat. All the guests by now, have gathered in the lobby, including Mrs. Chase, without her dog, whom she claims has been poisoned, and Dr. Price, with a plate of sausages, which he claims he has just cooked for himself, and they're off! Basil announces to all the guests that they're owed an explanation, and Sybil will give it to them. He then climbs into the laundry basket, just as the laundrymen come and take it away. A pandemonium starts, as Miss Tibbs sees the body once more and screams, while Sybil, who doesn't notice Basil has gone, shouts and calls "Basil! Basil! Basil! Basil!...."
EPISODE 5 - THE ANNIVERSARY
It is Basil and Sybil's 15th wedding anniversary, but Basil pretends he has forgotten. Really, he has some guests arriving soon, and he evens allows Manuel to cook a paella. Polly, meanwhile, is begging Basil to lend him £100 for the car. Sybil, meanwhile, really believes Basil has forgotten and walks out. When the guests arrive, Polly quickly says that Sybil is ill in bed, with puffed up legs and loss of voice. When one lot of guests claim they have just seen Sybil driving around the town, Basil quickly comes up with the excuse that that was another woman who looks like Sybil, whom Basil once met at a fete. After much pressure from the guests, including Virginia who's a nurse, and Roger, who thinks that really Basil and Sybil have had a row, and that's why Sybil won't come down, Basil decides to let them. He gets Polly to dress up as Sybil and lie in bed, which she agrees to do if Basil lends her the money for the car. The plan works, however, as the guests leave, Sybil returns, and is stunned when she sees the guests. Basil quickly pretends that she is the woman he once met at a fete, then shuts her in the kitchen. He returns to the guests, and tells them that she's come to buy a fridge, and then sees them off. When Polly comes down, Basil tells her "Piece of cake!...", but then, as he goes to the kitchen, he continues "...Now comes the tricky bit!".
EPISODE 6 - BASIL THE RAT
In this, my favourite of all the episodes, Mr. Carnegie, a man from the Public Health Department visits. He reads out a list to Basil of all the things wrong with the hotel, the last one being 'Two dead pigeons in the water tank'. He tells Basil that they must be put right within the next day, or he could be closed down. Immediately, he goes upstairs and informs Manuel that there are two dead pigeons in the tank, which he wants him to remove. Amused, Manuel asked how they got up there. Basil explains that they flew up there, which leads to him impersonating by flapping his arms and 'Oinking'. Basil explains to him that they are not 'Pigs', but 'Pigeons'. He passes Manuel his English-Spanish dictionary, where he looks it up, and reads it as 'Piggy-on'. While he is doing this, Basil suddenly notices a rat in a cage. Manuel is convinced it is his hamster, but Basil insists it's a rat, and confiscates the cage, with Manuel traipsing after him. While Basil and Sybil discuss what to do with it, Polly, whom Manuel has complained to, suddenly tells Basil that a friend of hers who has lots of animals will look after the rat. Actually, they have stashed it in the back shed,. When Manuel goes to feed the rat (who, by the way is called 'Basil'), he discovered he has escaped. The next day, Manuel, Polly and Terry search for him, and Basil soon finds out. Meanwhile, in the bar, the Major suddenly sees the rat eating the nuts, and brings down a gun. Just after Mr. Carnegie arrives, the gun is heard being let off, and Basil quickly explains to the Major that if asked, he was shooting a starling through the bar window. Basil, meanwhile, puts down a piece of veal, with rat poison on. When Manuel drops the veal, it all gets picked up, including the poisoned piece. Basil realises that the veal has got mixed up, just after some guests have been served with it, and quickly confiscates it, with an excuse that the veal's off, and that it is actually veal substitute, which they've been giving a try, and it isn't very good. Mr. Carnegie, meanwhile, orders veal for his lunch, and Basil, try as he might, cannot put him off. Fortunately, there is one piece of veal which they know is alright, because it's one the cat's been nibbling, and he's alright. After trimming that veal, they cook it and serve it to Mr. Carnegie, but then, Basil sees the cat vomitting, and quickly confiscates Mr. Carnegies veal, with an excuse that it is not hot enough and not big enough. After throwing that piece in the bin, Basil twigs that if that is the poisoned one, the others are alright, and so he gives Mr. Carnegie another piece of veal. Sybil and Polly look at the cat, and, seeing he's alright, Sybil tells Basil that it was just furballs he was coughing up. Basil realises that that meant the piece Mr. Carnegie is having could be the poisoned one, and confiscates it saying it's too much. Realising the cat's piece is alright, he gets it out of the bin, and serves it to Mr. Carnegie. Meanwhile, an early-aged couple, Ronald and Quentina arrive, and Manuel suddenly sees his rat has got into Quentina's handbag. Ronald complains that instead of taking their order, Manuel seemed more interested in Quentina's legs. When they leave, Basil quietly puts his hand in Quentina's bag, and Ronald accuses him of being a pervert, but Polly quickly says that there's been a bombscare, and that's why he was looking under their table. The rat suddenly runs into the dining-room, and Manuel catches him, and quickly hides him in the biscuit tin. Mr. Carnegie suddenly asks for a Coffee and Biscuits. When he opens the biscuit tin, he is stunned to find the rat, whilst Basil asks him "Would you care for a rat?". While Basil takes the tin into the kitchen and removes the rat, the Major lets slip to Mr. Carnegie the words 'Rat Inspector', which he thens corrects as 'Starling Inspector'. While Sybil serves Mr. Carnegie's coffee, Manuel drags an unconscious Basil across the dining-room floor, whilst Sybil, making conversation, says to him "I'm afraid it's started to rain again!".