| The nurse comes in and tells the first man, 'Congratulations! You're the father of twins!' 'What a coincidence!' the man exclaims. 'I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team!' The nurse returns a short while later and tells the second man, 'You are the father of triplets!' 'Wow, what a coincidence!' he replies. 'I work for the 3M Corporation!' When the nurse comes again, she tells the third man that his wife has given birth to quadruplets. 'Another coincidence! I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!' At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he comes to, the others ask what's wrong. 'What's wrong?! I work for Seven-Eleven!' |
| At a recent software engineering management course in the U.S., the participants were given an awkward question to answer. "If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?" Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard. "With my team's software," he said, "the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off." |
| A guy came to Chicago's bar and ordered a drink. The news was on, there was a guy standing on a ledge of the top floor of a Sears Tower, ready to jump. So the guy yelled to the bartender: "Hey buddy, I gonna bet ya 20 bucks, he ain't gonna jump." The bartender accepted the challenge. Thirty minutes later the 'Sears guy' jumped. So, the guy removed $20 and put it on a counter. The bartender told him to keep his money because: "an hour earlier I have seen the news, and I knew that he would jump, so it would not be fair to keep your money" and the guy replied: "Keep the money, you won. I watched the same news an hour ago, but I could not believe he would jump for the second time" |
| A woman down on her luck is walking through a well-to-do neighborhood looking for odd jobs to do when she approaches this one house. She goes up to the house, rings the bell and the owner comes to the door. He asks the lady what he can do for her. The lady tells him of her situation, that she is down on her luck and wants to know if he has any odd jobs that she could do. The man thinks about it for a second and then remembers that he has been wanting his porch painted. He asks the woman if she paints? The women says, "Sure anything." The man replies, "Well, I have been wanting my porch painted, how much would you charge?" Responding quickly, "I don't know, say $50 bucks." To the man's delight, "Sounds good. Go ahead and get started." He closes the door and walks back inside. His wife asks him, "Who was at the door?" He tells her of the women and her situation and then told his wife that the women agreed to paint the porch for $50 bucks. The astonished wife says, "$50 bucks, but that porch goes the full length of our house and then some. It will be at least a few hours job. You really should pay her more." He responds, "But that's all she said she wanted." 10 minutes later, they get a knock on the door. The man answers the door and the women is there and she says, "That she's done." With a surprised look on his face, "I can't believe it, you're already done painting the entire porch." "Yes, and by the way it's not a PORCH ,it's a Ferrari." |
| A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone. "I was only going 40!" the driver protested. "Not according to my radar," the trooper said. "Yes, I was!" the man shouted back. "No you weren't!" the trooper said. With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said, "Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking." |
| Once upon a time there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly decided to fly south. In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to Earth in a barnyard, nearly frozen solid. A cow passed by where he had fallen, and crapped on the little sparrow.The sparrow thought it was the end, but the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings! Warm and happy, able to breath, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by, and hearing the chirping he investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird, and promptly ate him. The Moral of the Story: Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy Everyone who gets you out of crap is not necessarily your friend. And if you're warm and happy in a pile of crap, you might just want to keep your mouth shut. |
| This guy is selling three parrots. Another guy who wants to buy a parrot approaches him and asks, "How much are your parrots?" The salesman answers, "The first one is $1,000." "What does he know?" "He knows 10,000 words and 500 sentences and is able to solve mathematical expressions." "How about the second one?" "The second parrot costs $5,000." "What does he know?" "He knows 100,000 words and 10,000 sentences, is able to solve mathematical expressions, and create computer programs." "Then what is the price for the third one?, the buyer is wondering." "This one costs $20,000." "Really?!, wonders the exciting buyer. What does he know?" "This one knows absolutely nothing, but the two others always call him 'THEIR BOSS.'" |
