The Little Mermaid

Once upon a time there lived a little mermaid – ok so she wasn’t little, she was HUGE! Very big fish! Ya know why she was huge? Cause she ate everything in sight and when she got to big to get out of bed she decided to get help. So she turned to fat wacker! Well once she did that she felt the burn and is now very healthy and skinny! Anyways on with the story…

Some pirates were sailing around catching fish for a stupid reason, one of these pirates was Kevin, cute guy! Kevin had a dog that was harry but who really cares. Well a fish once got loose from the net and fell in the ocean and that’s where we go under the sea! Then as you look around under the water some credits go by as well as some fish and the title of this movie, I mean story – The Little Mermaid!

Trumpets blow do do do dooo time for the concert thing that the daughters of King Howie perform, directed by his crab Brian! So King Howie comes out in a shell and dolphins pulling them as well as Brian the choir director. Brian goes up to do the concert, puts on his cowboy hat, and starts all those stupid idiot girls singing some annoying song about who they are. Well when it’s time to mention the youngest one who apparently has a great voice she’s not there! That would be Ariel!

And boom we’re off to another part of the ocean where Ariel and her fishy friend Nick are swimming around looking for well… crap! Soooo they find this sunken ship and like idiots decide to go into it! La la la they swim around talking to themselves, wonderful! Then they find, now listen closely, a FORK! Can you believe that what luck!! Always wanted a fork!! Anyway Nick asks if there could be sharks cause he’s scared of them, when that happens a shark attacks them, how ironic! Nick gets stuck in the little hole while getting away from the shark and Ariel grabs hit butt (oh la la) and pushes him out. They swim away from the shark to freedom. Then they go up to the shore, kinda and meet a seagull named AJ! AJ has really cool hair! Well they take their amazing fork up to him and ask him what it is. He calls this fork a dinglehopper. Oh my God! Where did he get THAT name?! Well he thinks this “dinglehopper” is basically a comb and starts combing his colorfully dyed hair with it hurting himself along the way because his hair is just little stubbies! Next Ariel hands AJ a smoking pipe thingy and he calls it a bandit bulfus snarfblat, or something like that! He like a dumbbutt thinks it’s a trumpet or something. Well this reminds retarded Ariel about the concert, duuuh!

Whoa and cut to another part of the ocean again! This is where Amanda the Sea Witch lives. She watches over Ariel like a stalker and plans to kill her some how – she’s just not smart of enough to figure it out yet. She tells her Eels Tim and Tom to keep an eye on Ariel bla bla bla next scene…

Cut once again to King Howie talking to Ariel about going up to the surface. Oh no what a crime! She should be SHOT! Anorexic Ariel. Ok well on with the story… King Howie throws a hissy fit and Ariel swims away as fast as she can, 2 MPH. Brian the crab or lobster or whatever talks to King Howie and gets himself into the mess of watching over Ariel, spying! OH NO! Brian follows Ariel and Nick into a little cave thing and on his way gets his little feet stuck (awww) and when he’s in notices all the crap Ariel has in her cave and like everyone else in the world thinks she’s retarded. Well he sits there and watches Ariel as she sings some gay song about all her junk and how she wants to be a human! As she sings Nick prances around lad de da de da singing I Want It That Way to tune her awful voice out. At the end of the song Ariel pretends to reach up to the surface – dumb – and falls back to the ocean floor, her hair floats and the music fades. Brian makes a bunch of noise and ruins her stuff, in big trouble now man! Brian starts to take Ariel and Nick home until a ship passes above them, its then Ariel decides to go back up to the surface – bad bad girl! Brian tries to swim after her but he’s so small he doesn’t make it (sniff sniff)!

Ariel swims up to the ship and starts to stare at Kevin the pirate dude, oh la laaa. AJ the seagull flies in and starts talking to Ariel about snarfblats and Kevin the cute pirate. On the ship some old guy begins to show Kevin his birthday present – why they didn’t sing happy birthday I DON’T KNOW! Well anyway it’s a really ugly statue of himself and he doesn’t like it. So he sits on the edge of the ship, suicide? No dangit but a storm does start to come and panic comes onto the boat! AHHHHHH!!! AJ gets blown away to some place, no one knows where! And waves come onto the ship, the pirates all get onto some boat because the ship starts to catch on fire! NOOOO! The butt ugly statue falls into the sea, thank God, and just when Kevin’s free he goes back up to save his doggy from the fire! Well that idiot gets stuck on the boat and then falls off of it unconscience and floats down in the sea. Ariel saves him! Sound the trumpets whoop di doo! Boom all of a sudden its morning! AJ comes back and finds Ariel and Kevin on the shore. AJ, not being all ok up in the head, checks Kevin’s heartbeat in his foot! Now they think Kevin’s dead! Well then he breathes and Ariel sings that retarded song again! HELP ME! The old guy comes and carries Kevin back to wherever they live and Ariel climbs on a rock and keeps singing! AHHH! As she sings Amanda the sea witch watches her and has a grand old time because now she knows how to become the queen of the sea or something stupid like that. She cackles and the camera fades.

Ariel gets ready the next morning and puts a flower in her dad King Howie’s hair – oh WOW! Her sisters then tell King Howie that Ariel’s in love and he gets a happy. Ariel then does that he loves me he loves me not junk with a flower on a rock yada yada yada. WOOHOO time for a song! Brian the crab starts breaking into that lovely diddy Under The Sea…everyone sing along now! Ya ya darlin its better down where its wetter under the sea. And all the fish join in and dance and sing. In the middle of the song Nick comes in, takes Ariel, and leaves! How dare he! All the fish keep singing not noticing she left until the song is over. Oh look a new character comes in, a seahorse named Tracy comes in and tells Brian that King Howie wants to see him. Brian’s scared out of his mind but goes and sees Howie. Well Howie wants to know who Ariel likes and Brian spills the beans! No I don’t mean he farted – he told him about Kevin! AHHH!!! Howie gets all angry, grabs the crab, and takes off.

Back in Ariel’s cave Nick surprises her with that butt ugly statue of Kevin! She gets all happy bla bla bla. All of a sudden Howie comes in! OH NO! He starts yelling…AGAIN! Throws a hissy fit, goes crazy, and destroys all that crap Ariel had in the cave – including that statue. Thank God! Brian tries to apologize but Ariel just keep crying waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Nick and Brian leave. Tim and Tom then come into the scene, remember them? Ya know the eels! Yaaa that’s them! Anyways they talk Ariel into going to see the Sea Witch to get her man back! Such evil eels with glowing eyes! They then swim off to that far away land, no not heaven, to Amanda house! Brian and Nick follow because they don’t want her to go! Look at that they thought right for once.

They arrive at Amanda’s place and as they walk in there’s all these ugly wormy dead souls, ewwwww. Amanda comes floating down but since she’s so big she left a huge imprint of her butt in the floor! And the ground shook, everyone thought it was an earthquake! Amanda goes over to the mirror an folks another song! Don’t ya just love it? I don’t! He chops, cuts, dices, and slices the fish – yuck! Ya know this chef was once an employee of Long John Silvers! Well he was! Ok anyways he finds Brian and tries to cook him! NO! Brian being VERY wise chops him on the nose and causes him to burn himself. The chef chases Brian around until he breaks everything in the kitchen. The maid comes in, yells at the chef, and takes the dinner out to the table where Ariel is. Brian is in one of the plates but is saved because Ariel sees him. YIPPI!

Ok now its nighttime and Ariel stares out the window at Kevin, big whoop di doo there! She combs her hair with a fork, AGAIN, and goes to bed. Back under the sea everyone is looking for Ariel and her friends and Howie feels guilty – he should be! And pow back on the surface! Its morning and Kevin is taking Ariel out on the town. They look at the shops, entertainment, and go dancing a bit. Amazing how Ariel’s only been a human for one day and can dance in those high heels! And once again they cut quickly to a new scene. It’s now dark out and Kevin and Ariel are out on a lake in a boat. AJ tries to make the scene romantic by singing! Well guess what it didn’t work because he’s a BIRD! Birds can’t sing – but I guess crabs can so Brian breaks into song again. There you see her, sitting there across the way…kiss the girl. In the middle of the song Kevin tries to figure out Ariels name and when he does he says it’s pretty but everyone knows he was really thinking it was very stupid and it sucked! The song goes on and fish swim around them. Ariel and Kevin are about to kiss when Tim and Tom knock over the boat. Amanda the Sea Witch sees this and turns herself into an ugly human with Ariel’s voice! As Kevin’s outside Amanda walks by in her human costume and puts him under a spell to marry her. The next morning Ariel finds out and cries and cries and cries – I probably would cry to if Kevin was about to marry me until some tramp came along and stole him! GRRRR! Oops got sidetracked hehe on with the story! The bride and groom get on a ship where the wedding will be and sail off.

Back on the deck Ariel keeps crying. AJ flies around for some reason and spies on Amanda. As he spies he sees through the mirror who this lady really is! He flies over to Ariel and tells her everything. Ariel and Nick swim off to the boat while AJ gets all his fish and bird friends to stall the wedding! Brian goes down back to the sea and gets King Howie to help. AJ flies around and gets all his friends aboard the ship. The wedding’s beginning! AHHHH!! AJ and his friends all come on the ship and start hitting Amanda and making her look more ugly then she was! Ariel climbs on board too, wow what timing. AJ causes Amanda’s necklace with Ariel’s voice in it to break and Ariel gets her voice back! Good job AJ woohoo! Kevin then realizes what happened and just as he was about to kiss her she turns back into a mermaid. Amanda then turns back into a fish and takes her back in the sea. King Howie stops her and tries to break the contract that Ariel signed. Kevin goes on a little boat to go save Ariel! Yeah Kevin save the day! Howie agrees to trade Ariel places so he turns into one of those ugly little green things. Kevin hops in the water and hits Amanda with a spear thing! Kevin hun I think you’ll need something bigger. Tim and Tom go up and try to kill Kevin when he does that but Brian and Nick slap em and chop down on em to get Kevin loose! Ya more heroes! Amanda tries to kill Kevin with King Howie’s pitch fork looking sorta thing but misses and ends up killing Tim and Tom! Well good goin Amanda see what you did? I spit upon the! Well this makes Amanda pissed and she grows to be HUUUUUUUUGE! She was big enough as it was! She then causes a hurricane and Ariel and Kevin get separated! How will they live! The hurricane causes Kevin’s old ship that sunk to come on top of the ocean. Kevin climbs on the ship and begins to steer it. Just as Amanda is about to kill Ariel Kevin takes the end of the ship and stabs her with it! YUCK! She sinks into the sea and God only knows what happened with all those remains of her icky body. When she dies Howie turns back into is normal handsome self.

All of a sudden its morning again! Geez time goes by quickly. Howie then realizes how much Ariel loves Kevin (awww) and turns Ariel into a human again. Ariel comes out of the sea in a sparkly blue dress and her and Kevin hug. Then they kiss and all of a sudden its their wedding! Wow they’re married! Sniff sniff its so beautiful. All the guests then eat their Dorough Puffs (rare delicacy) and are happy. Ariel hugs her dad and says goodbye. OH would you look at that Brian finds another lovely crab – name unknown :0) – and they get married too! Such a happy day! King Howie makes a rainbow in the sky, the ship sails off, and they live happily ever after!