JOKEsss~

Typical, TYPICAL Chinamen

( Just in case, ---- Ahma = mother ; Ahpa = father )

A family in the Southern Province of China were puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from the States. It was sent by one of the daughters.

The dead body was so tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it ! When they opened the lid , they found a letter on top which read as follows:

Dear brothers and sisters, I am sending our mother's body to you since it was her wish that she should be cremated in The compound of our ancestral home in Tung Shin . Sorry, I could not come along. as all of my paid leaves are consumed.

You will find inside the coffin, under Ahma's body, 12 cans of Yohmeitsu, 10 packets of chocolates and packets of Lap Chong. Please divide these among all of you. On Ahma's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes(size 10) for Ah boy. Also, there are 2 pairs of shoes for Ah Mei's and Ah Lien's sons. Hope the sizes are correct. Ahma is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Ah Bak and the others are for my nephews. Just distribute them among yourselves. The 2 new Jeans that Ahma is wearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Lee Ah Bai wanted is on Ahma's left wrist. Kiasu Aunty Pei Pei, Ahma is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them. The 6 white cotton socks that Ahma is wearing must be divided among my teenager nephews.

Please distribute all these uniformly and if anything more required let me know, since our Ah Pa is also not keeping well nowadays I can send all required things when our Ah Pa also .............

Secrets

There was this LOVING couple ( Ms X & Mr Y ) .They were going to get married in a week's time . So this gal , X was worried . She asked her mother : " Mum , mum..what shall I do if he finds out tat i have bad breath in the morning ?" Her mother answered :" Don't worry dear, just don't open ur mouth in the morning till u brush ur teeth..."So, Ms X was relieved . Meanwhile , this guy ,Mr Y was worried too . He asked his father :"Dad , dad ... what shall I do if she knows that i have smelly feet in the morning ?" His father smiled n said : "Don't worry ,son. Just wear ur socks before going into bed and don't take them off untill u wash ur feet... " So Y was relieved too .

1 week passed and they were married . Things went on perfectly...Until ONE day .........

There was this early morning , Mr Y woke up suddenly and found that one of his socks was missing. He quickly got up to find 4 that missing sock . This woke up his wife . She panicked to see her husband so worried AND so she opened her mouth and said : " Darling , what r u finding for ? " Mr Y gasped : " Oh ,no ! U.. u ate my sock !! "

Nightmare

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.

Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.

"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.

Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.

"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked.

"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."

Lame jokes

For those who long for lame jokes, these are some which I got from forwarded emails. My favourite ones, I'll put them in bold.

Q: How many marbles can you put in an empty bag?
A: One; after that it is not empty.

Q: In what month do Americans eat the least?
A: February; it has fewer days.

Q: What three things can you eat but you never have for breakfast?
A: Lunch, dinner and supper.

Q: What would you call a person who does not have all his fingers on one hand?
A: Normal, your fingers should be equally spread over two hands.

Q: Would you rather a tiger attack you or a lion?
A: You would rather the tiger attack the lion.

Q: How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A: Concrete floors are very hard to crack.

Q: If you have three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A: Very large hand.

Language

ATTENTION !! Pronounce the bold words below as spelt

There was this conversation between Mr Naive & Mr Smart Allec

Naive: Hi , B ! Long time no see ! Smart Allec: Hi ! nice to see u again ! Naive: So, did u see the football leegiu (league) yesterday ? Smart Allec: Huh ? U mean the football leeg (league) yesterday ? Naive: Oops, sorry, just a slip of my tungiu (tongue) . Smart Allec: I'm sorry , but that word u mentioned just now , tungiu , it is pronounced as tung! U see, normally ,words ending with '---gue' the 'gue' is SILENT . Naive: Aiyah.....whatever u say ! I don't want to arg (argue) with u !

For those who has the CHINESE STAR Programme...that is the "Zhung Wen Zhi Xing"...That issss 中文之星... These jokes below r meant 4 u all =) ...

A lie

一辆警车停在家门口，老奶奶从警车里下来，父亲紧 张地问道：“发生 什么事了?”。警察先生说：“老太太在公园附近迷路了，所以我们才特 地送她回来。”小 孙女问道 “奶奶，您到公园散步已经有十多年了，怎么还会迷路呢？”老奶奶笑 而不答。警察离开后，老奶奶不好意思的笑着说：“其实我不是迷路 ，只是走累了。“

Forgetful

有位老科学家经常全神贯注的思考问题 ，但在生活起居上却很健忘 。有一天 ，他突然想起已好几天没洗澡了，就放下工作，走进浴室。他一屁股坐 进浴盆，就拿着浴巾和肥皂前前后后，上上下下的檫洗起来。洗了半天 ，他忽然低头一看，忍不注大叫一声：“哇！我忘了脱衣服！”他急忙 跳出浴盆，回头一看，又喜形于色的说：“万幸！万幸！”原来老科学 家跟本没有开水龙头，浴盆还是干的。

This one above is a silly one..hehhe...傻 !

Umm..there will b more jokes in the days to come..Plzz come again when they r ready...Maybe it will b end of this year..Thanx !!