Emilie set the last dish down onto the dinning room table. She smiled down at her masterpiece. She knew that everything had to be just right for AJ and Camille. She knew that tonight they would be announcing their secret. A secret that everyone already knew. But they didn’t know that.
Tonight’s the night.. The night the couple of love birds announce their happiness... I only wish I could have such happiness... Her smile faded at the thought of her loveless life. All through high school she had endured the names and hurt. The one thing that got her through was food. She stayed home at night while all her friends were out having fun with their boyfriends. She sat and cried over a bowl of ice cream or a bag of chips. Food always took the pain away for a while. Then she would realize that she had gained more weight then before and she would slip back into the depression that ruled her life. The constant pain. It never left her, It followed her like an ugly shadow. At one point, it got so bad that she was hospitalized for trying to kill herself. She had choked down 3 bottles of aspirin to try and ease the pain. She had gone crazy. She just wanted to die and no one let her do that.
“Why don’t you understand that? All I want to do is die and you won’t ever let me!” Emilie screamed at her grandmother from the hospital bed where she sat. “You tell me there is so much to live for.. NO there isn’t all there is in my life is names. Those horrible names. The hurt, the loneliness. Grandmama you don’t understand anything. You say that you would give me anything I wanted. Well this is the one thing I want and you won’t let me have it. I WANT TO DIE!”
Emilie recalled the night she had pushed her only living relative out of her life, her grandmama. Tears flooded her eyes. She remembered all the pain again. She walked into the kitchen and checked on the roasted chicken she was making. She stood over the sink and began to sob. She had never felt more alone in her life. She was beginning to shake. She let herself begin to slide to the ground. Someone caught her in their arms. She gasped and looked up, meeting the kind brown eyes of Howie. “Are you okay?” He asked with concern.
“Yeah, I’ll be okay.” She said as she swallowed her tears and got up. “I always am”
“You’re sure? you look pretty upset to me” he said.
“I’m fine... Please leave me alone, I don’t mean to be rude but I would rather be alone right now.” Emilie looked at the ground, she was hoping he would obey her wishes but he didn’t.
“No, Please tell me what’s wrong. It may help. I mean it might help for you to tell someone about it.” He took her hand and led her to the kitchen table.
She sat down and said “Look, Howie, I don’t mean to be rude but the problem is my own and no one elses. I would much rather keep it to myself. In fact it is better that I keep it to myself.” She looked at her hands to hide the tears that were building in her eyes. Howie was right, she needed to tell someone. She needed to share with someone the way she felt inside. But she couldn’t tell him. He wasn’t close to her. She didn’t know him. He would never understand what she was feeling. He could never understand.
“Fine, just promise me you will tell someone okay?” He asked her. His eyes were burning into hers. She looked away.
“I promise” She said.
He got up and patted her head then left the room. She let out a sigh of relief. She got up and prepared the rest of the dinner without any intention to keep the promise she had just made.
