POLITICAL AND PAKI JOKES!

 

Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business Development to Bihar.

The Japanese Emissary was quite impressed with Bihar and he stated,

"Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan."

Laloo was very surprised.

"You Japanese are very inepicient," he stated. "Give me three days and I will turn Japan into the next Bihar!"

 

 

Nawaz Sherrif comes to Delhi for a meeting with Vajpayee. After dinner, Vajpayee says to Nawaz Sherrif: "Well Nawaz, I don't know what you think of the members of your Cabinet, but mine are all bright and brilliant."

"How do you know?" asks Nawaz Sherrif

"Oh well, it's simple", says Atal. " They all have to take special tests before they can be a minister. Wait a second". He calls Advani over and says to him

"Tell me Advaniji, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?"

"Ah, that's simple", says Advani, "it is me!"

"Well done Advani", says Vajpayee and Nawaz Sherrif is very impressed.

 
He returns to Islamabad and wonders about the intelligence of the members of his Cabinet. He calls in his favourite member of cabinet and asks:
"Tell me, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister? "
 
He thinks and thinks and doesn't know the answer.
"Can I think about it a bit further Nawaz ? May I let you know tomorrow? "
"Of course", says Nawaz Sherrif , "you've got 24 hours."
He goes away, thinks as hard as he can, calls in his Cabinet Secretary, Chief Secretaries and Joint Secretaries, but no-one knows the answer.
Twenty hours later, the member of Nawaz's cabinet is very worried still no answer and only 4 hours to go. Eventually he says:
"I'll ask Benazer, she's clever, she'll know the answer."
He calls Benazer.
"Benazir", he says, "tell me who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?"

"Very simple", says Benazir, "it's me!"
"Of course" says the Cabinet member and rings Nawaz Sherrif.

"Nawaz", says he, "I've got the answer: it's Benazer Bhutto".

"No, you idiot", says Nawaz Sherrif, "it's Advani".

 

 

All the police organisations in the world are called to meet at a common place to evaluate the best organisation.

These Police Departments were shortlisted

Now the task is to select the best!.
All 5 forces are tied in the points tally, so as a play-off the judges decide to have this contest

"A tiger would be set free into the nearby forest, and the team that retrieves the feline, in the shortest time would win"

The NYPD went first .... caught the tiger in 30 minuites ..... Nothing to it!
Next the Melbourne Police went and returned in 20 min with the tiger.
Next were the Mounties who returned in a mere 15 mins.
Scotland Yard had the cat in a cage in 10 minutes flat.

Last but not least, comes the turn of 'apna' Delhi Police. They seemed the favorites as the Tiger is native to Harayana/Rajisthan. The Big Cat is set free, and three Jats take off behind it in a Maruti Gypsy (pauva in hand).

All eyes are on the clock, in anticipation that the 'jats' of Sariska would catch the Tiger in Record time .......
The minutes went, 10, 20, 30 ... soon it's been an hour, and the Delhi Police Crack force is not back yet!.

Three hours later, the judges decide to go in a take a look. After a brief search they arrive at a clearing in the Jungle.

This is the spectacle they witness

A Bear tied to a tree trunk, is being brutally assaulted. (the famous lath) The shouting can be heard over the din

'Bol ! tu sher hai...........Bol ! tu sher hai!! ".

 

 

 

Laloo Hamara Neta

What would change, if Laloo Prasad becomes India's Prime Minister

National Anthem Khana Pina Adhik Zaroorat hai...
National Attire Dhoti & Kurta
National Drink Fresh Buffalo Milk
National Animal Buffalo, from Bihar
National Sport Milking Buffalo (morning)
Buffalo Race (evening)
Corporate Language Enlish-va
National Toy A. K. 58
National Family Planning Policy Hum Do, Humare Dozen
National Documentry Philm Laloo Ban Gaya Gentleman
National Vehicle Buffalo Cart
National Recreation Pro-creation
Laloo's Slogan
"Jab Tak Rahega Samosa Me Aloo,
Tab Tak Rahega Hamara P.M. Laloo"

 

 

Saddam Hussain approached God and asked him

"When will peace return to my country ?"

God answered

"You can never see peace in your country during your life time"

Saddam wept bitterly and walked away.

Nawaz Sharif approached God

"When can I see a united Pakistan (with Kashmir) ?"

God said

"You can never annex Kashmir during your life time"

Sharif wept bitterly and walked away.

Next our Laloo Prasad Yadav approached God

"When will Bihar become a civilized state ?"

God wept bitterly and said

"I can never see that happening even during MY life time"

 

(This was before Zail Singh became the President of India)

Indira Gandhi wanted a Sardar President because of the Punjab Crisis.Zail Singh and Buta Singh are the finalists! They are waiting outside Indira's Office for the FINAL interview

Buta Singh is called in first. He nervously adjusts his Kurta.
Indira Gandhi Draws a Big BOLD M on the Black Board, and asks Buta:

"what is this"?

..............  "M for Mother" is Buta's reply.

Indira wants to keep the Test real simple, she thanks Buta and asks him to send Zail Singh in.

Zail Singh is all over Buta as he comes out ...
"kee pucchiya .... kee pucchiya"? (what did she ask you)
.... Buta tells him.
Zail Singh memorizes the Answer (M for Mother).

Indira catches Zail unawares with a big bold W on the Board.
What is this? She Demands.

Zail Singh cant make head or tail of the Letter on the Board. He mutters to himself in Punjabi ...
"Lagdi taa Bute de maa hai, par lattan taan nu kyon chakkiyan hain"?
(Looks like Buta's Mother, but why does she have her legs in the air)

 

During the 1971 Indo-Pak war, the Paki Air Marshall Yaya Khan was trying to train a novice Paki pilot. He took the novice to the fighter plane and said

"Do you see this red button?"
'Yes sir' replied the novice'
'Ok' Said Yaya, 'to start the engine, you have to press it.' 'Now do you see this green button?'
'Yes sir' replied the novice.
'Pressing the green button makes the plane fly'
'Ok sir' said the novice
'but how do I bring the plane down?'
Pat came the reply
'Don't worry, the Indian air force will take care of that!'

 

 

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ŠAnkur Jain 1999