So I've been trying to figure out how this all works. Instead of just understanding that I like certain things, I figure I should look at my life as I look at the work. That everything is connected and try to figure out how everything is connected. The major problems I come up with are reconciling morality with disbelief of god and also the punk/goth/whatever aesthetic with conservative politics. I've been doing a lot of reading and hope to get a chance to really get to the root of these things. I'm not finding it useful that I have very little spare time lately. It doesn't give me a chance to do what needs to be done. Hopefully this weekend I'll actually get done what needs to be done and use my time in a productive manner. Hopefully.
I would be nice to talk to other people with this sort of dichotomy thing going on, especially on the aesthetics. I've found a few pages online that talk about that sort of thing. I want to be able to put what I want to do with myself and my political views alongside what I like as far as cultural aesthetics and such and be able to say it makes total sense. I also want to figure out how there can be morality without a god and what that rests on. Which means I should get reading in my "philosophy for dummies" book and try to see how people have approached it in the past. ah the time commitment.
At the same time, though I'm getting my political and philosophical fill here and it's qutie wonderful, I'm not getting the aesthetics taken care of. I'm not concentrating hard enough on music, but I suppose that's what classes are for. What an odd split...classes = artsy aesthetic, extra currics = politics? Hmm. I'm starting to be able to bring them all together, and I'm starting to notice that I'm recovering from whatever the past few years have been. I need to look through all my old writings and stuff. I need to start doing that, creating and keeping on a regular basis. I need to organize my time so that I have time left over to be Angie at the end of the day rather than be constantly running around trying to do everything all last minute.