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Untitled.
Tuesday, 28 October 2003
Having a Day
I'm overthinking again. I went to two shows this weekend and I should be happy. But no. Actually, I usually feel awkward coming back to the campus after being out and about, but last night it was different. I came back to a good conversation and a random 12 pm game of chess. Unexpected, but it was a good thing. So at least there was that, aside from a really good show.

It feels that I am between two worlds. It is beginning to feel that I am so in between that I no longer belong to either one, which causes great discomfort. It seems that I should find an in between - which seems impossible.

I had a conversation about music last night, and it got me thinking about how my perspective shifts from time to time. I was asked why I listened to music, and they in turn gave me an answer that I would have given previously. Instead, my own answer was something new that I realize now I only partially agree with. It also reflects my current academic interests and perhaps social interests as well. I am more concerned with technical, useful skill at the moment than the sheer beauty and meaning that I used to clutch so tightly too. I realize that I haven't gone completely in the other direction, and that I will return to the former love of beauty and such with greater appreciation with the skill and technical appreciation I am gaining at the moment, but it still strikes me as odd. Go figure.

Also, my taste in music a subconscious attempt to make up for my surroundings. My taste for heavier, more technically skilled music is something that has always been around, but never so completely as now. It is because my surroundings lack this aesthetic. The more simple, softer, beautiful, whatever else music fits this surrounding better and it seems I don't crave it quite as often only because I am not lacking that vibe quite as much. I suppose it's an explanation of sorts.

Some drawings as well as hopefully body art will be posted tonight, assuming I'll have the time. It seems school provides me with enough time fillers and that the environment sucks up the rest of my time so free time to do whatever I please isn't always an option.

Either way, good day.

Posted by me2/marijane at 5:25 PM EST
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Monday, 13 October 2003
Another weird weekend.
I hung out with "townies" on Thursday, and it was so refreshing that it was depressing to be stuck here. Although I did get to leave New Haven for the weekend, the last time until Turkey Break...which is a ways off. But at that point I'll be going to see A Perfect Circle, which is very very exciting.
For now, Aristotle has me completely wound up because I truely enjoy his work, especially in contrast to Plato, and few others seem to agree. Perhaps this week I'll actually speak in class. Perhaps not.
I put up pictures of my living arrangements on the site. It's on the heard page, so I'm sure you've seen it if you got this far.
Either way, I must be off, things to do. My week is packed, yet I'm still making time for a tattoo and some bass (I have my Samick and my Behringer amp down here finally so it's lots of fun). So I will leave you all with an inspirational quote from Aristotle that might be useful in justifying my putting off work:

"...when one is active about two things at once, the more pleasant activity drives out the other, and if it is much more pleasant does so all the more, so that one even ceases from the other."

Posted by me2/marijane at 4:52 PM EDT
Updated: Monday, 13 October 2003 4:54 PM EDT
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Wednesday, 8 October 2003
Purpose/Thesis
Alright, so I decided to revive my website and to have it exist once more. That and I like to waste time, who wants to do work? Although I really need to.
I'm definately started to feel the inferiority complex I knew would eventually come along. But then again I'm not the only one going through that so I suppose it's no big deal. Just a motivation to do better work I suppose. Either way, I still crave the laid back, "learn for your own sake" hippie thing that I've become occupied with lately. In fact, I sketched it out in class today when someone mentioned a hermit as an alternative to the Republic's City of Pigs (for those of you who aren't familiar with it, its a completely totalitarianish prototype for books such as 1984 and Brave New World). So I decided it was a very pleasant idea and doodled rather than pay attenion. So here it is. For now, I'll leave you with my random notes and comments that appear in my notebooks when I zone out in class. History and Politics: "hermit vs. city of pigs - definately the hermit. he rocks." Philosophy: Status is a lie. Status is the result of uncertainty, of the inability for people to be secure and happy of their own account. Status is constructed as a false reassurance for these same people. Thus, occupation with the idea of status signifies uncertainty, unhappiness, etc?" Ever notice that the only people who think status is important at all are the people who want it?
"Can't assume people are at their peak. While ou can't be more than your capacity, you can be less. opportunity, circumstance, etc. But are people better than each other? We're looking only at one aspect of human ability. Everyone may have their strongpoint, the importance is to develope this. values - not everyone wants to be intelligent. not everyone wants to be "better" can't assume everyone is reaching for the same goal, thus you can't have a hierarchy - it's not the same scale." Is it that shocking that some Yale kids have elitist tendancies? "Why are the different occupation sin the Republic arranged by class? Why is current society this way? What makes the "upper class" better than the "lower class"? Are money and power really the only main focii of this?" ditto. "The "best" in a system build the system, thus make themselves the "best", the "good". This seems highly unaccountable." a.k.a. 'We're the best cause we said so'

Posted by me2/marijane at 4:32 PM EDT
Updated: Monday, 13 October 2003 4:54 PM EDT
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