Gimme Some Bread You Silly Old Man
There was a person. His name was Al. He lived in Vancouver, and was quite a happy-type guy, who was one of those people who planted trees in his yard. He also had a fence around his house, and lived in the house which the fence was around. He moved to that house in the summer of 1988. He wore a blue body suit.
There was also another person. Her name was Suzie. She was homeless and wandered the streets of that wonderful place that we like to call Connecticut looking for that one special bit of spare change that would have sent her over the moon metaphorically speaking. The plastic cup that was free at the Holiday Inn was in the pocket of her inside pocket, and was full of lint. The bad kind. As though strait out of a dryer shoot, it was there. At about the time that Al was moving into his house, Suzie was eating a piece of cheese in a fancy restaurant that she co-owned. It was called Suzie and Mike’s Place.
Mike was the greasy cook who hid behind the shelves at Walfmart starting to surprise people whenever they walked by! And, coincidentally, one day, out of the blue (literally, because Al was still wearing the blue body suit) Mike surprised Al! Al had a massive heart attack, and when screaming to the hospital.
The hospital wasn’t there, though, because it had moved to a different spot, in another location. So, Al sat there in the vacant lot and watched the birds go by. There were lots of birds, and most of them were flying around. Except for the ones that were on the ground, those were the birds of most concern to Al, as soon as he realized that he had three loaves of bread in his coat pocket!
Al was bombarded by birds! Most of them were crows, because that makes it more spooky. And they were all, like, “I would like some bread,” and Al was all, “No, this be my bread, you infernal spawn of the devil!” So, Al ate the bread! The birds were quite unhappy about this little turn of events!
Just as the lead bird was about to tear into Al, and reclaim the bready treat that was his true birthright, Suzie appeared on the scene! Sadly, she was actually blind and deaf and was just sort of standing there not doing anything, while Al was fighting the fight of the day. Suzie got bored after 20 minutes, and wandered out into the street, where the cars were.
Finally, after much torture, Al decided to vomit up the bread, in order to serve the best interests of himself as well as the crows, who had only moments ago been tearing into him, trying to have some tasty bread all to themselves. So, once the bread was up and onto the ground of the vacant lot, the crows let the feast begin, and Al lived in harmony with them.
Suzie never married Al, although they both would have used the painting supplies that were given to them.
Mike was the third person in the story, and he had a very good time, until there was this truck that accidentally drove through the Walfmart Store where Mike was, while the store was blowing up and everyone inside was trying to get into the fallout shelter that was in the basement of the store. After the tragic incident had run its course, Mike moved back to his original home; the sea.
Epilogue:
Much later that year, some other things happened in the spot where Mike originally met Al for the first time ever. Things were funky in the land of suburbia.
An illustration!! Weeee!!
