A FUNKY ASS CHAIN LETTER
This is pretty long but very funny (especially to us
who HATE chain letters).....
Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from
rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams,
extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and
executed by electrocution, and guilt for not
forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent
to me by people who actually believe that if you send
them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas
with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise
enough money to have it removed before her redneck
parents sell her off to the travelling freak show.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to
give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000?
How stupid are you?
Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and
make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy model in
the magazine!
What a bunch of bullshit.
So basically, this message is a big "FUCK YOU" to all
the people out there who have nothing better to do
than to send me stupid chain mail forwards.
Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into
my apartment and hurt me in my sleep for not
continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in
5A.D. and was brought to this country by midget
pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the
year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World
Records for longest continuous streak of blatant
stupidity.
Fuck them.
If you're going to forward something, at least send me
something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send
this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor,
wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive
a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90
times.
I don't fucking care.
Show a little intelligence and think about what you're
actually contributing to by sending out forwards.
Chances are it's your own unpopularity.
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
Chain Letter Type 1:
(scroll down)
Make a wish!!!
No, really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
Wish something else!!!
Not that, you pervert!!
Is your finger getting tired yet?
STOP!!!!
Wasn't that fun? :)
Hope you made a great wish :)
Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do.
First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in
the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat
and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure.
It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of
those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's
how it goes:
Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off
at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off
at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed
off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and
may form a plot on your life.
Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed
off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and
will firebomb your house.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see,
there is a starving little boy in
Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no
parents, and no goats.
This little boy's life could be saved, because for
every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated
to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy
from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember,
we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent
and this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on,
reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47
seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally
send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly.
Thanks again!!
Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence
since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because
there was no email then and probably not as many sad
fools with nothing better to do. So this is how it
works:
Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or
something horrible will happen to you like:
Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on
Saturday. She had recently received this letter and
ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the
sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a
drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out
over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty,she
died.
This Could Happen To You!!!
Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in
his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit
by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people
swing that way). They both died and went to hell and
were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for
eternity.
This Could Happen To You Too!!!
Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip.
Just send this letter to all of your loser friends,
and everything will be okay.
Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it
to every one of your friends.
Friends
A friend is someone who is always at your side.
A friend is someone who likes you even though you
stink of shit, and your breath smells like you've been
eating cat food.
A friend is someone who likes you even though you're
as ugly as a hat full of assholes.
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've
soiled yourself.
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while
you cry about your sad, sad life.
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums
and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak
much English...no, sorry that's the cleaning lady.
A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters
because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex
ever again.
The point being?
If you get some chain letter that's threatening to
leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your
life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't
piss people off by making them feel guilty about a
leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a
dead elephant for 27 years, whose only saviour is the
5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this
mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda.
Right?
Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll
have to look at me naked!
hehe this is funny
