An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish New York City Office Building, when a young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume. She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, "Romance" by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!" Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, "Chanel No. 5, $200 an ounce!" About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, then bends over and farts and says,............"Broccoli - . 49 cents a pound."
Son: Dad, is God a guy or a girl? Dad: He's both, son. Son: Dad, is God white or black? Dad: He's both son. Son: Oh, hey dad.. Is Michael Jackson God?
A Coming Home Gift
After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. "That's a bit much," said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. "That's still quite a bit," Tom groused. Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle. Tom grew agitated, "What I mean," he said, "is I'd like to see something real cheap." So the clerk handed him a mirror.
Becky was on her deathbed, with her husband Jake at her side. He held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face. Her pale lips moved. "Jake," she said. "Hush," he quickly interrupted, "don't talk." But she insisted. "Jake," she said in her tired voice. "I have to talk. I must confess." "There is nothing to confess," said the weeping Jake. "It's all right. Everything's all right." "No, no I must die in peace. I must confess, Jake, that I have been unfaithful to you." Jake stroked her hand. "Now, Becky, don't be concerned. I know all about it," he sobbed. --- "Why else would I poison you?
A guy leaves snowy Chicago for a vacation in Florida. When he checks in his hotel in Miami and is in his room, he decides to send his wife, who is going to meet him there the next day, an e-mail. Unfortunately, he can't find the slip of paper he noted her e-mail address on, so he just types it from memory, but he left out one letter, so the e-mail goes to someone else. The "someone else" is an old preacher's wife, who's husband passed away the day before. The little old lady logs on to read her e-mail and opens the note from the guy in Miami. After reading it, she screams crazily and drops down dead on the floor. Her family comes running in the room, to see this e-mail on the screen:
Dearest Wife, I got here yesterday, everything is fine, and I'm looking forward to your arrival tomorrow!
Your Loving Husband
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
