To A Guy Who Thinks Himself An A**hole!
Prior to this newly written entry I had a very nice page up about my ex-boyfriend John. After a recent string of events I have decided to update the page. The before mentioned entry of John can be found at the bottom of this page.
My ex-boyfriend is (for lack of a better word) an a**hole! He does have a crude way of saying things, which can be ok at times, but he just recently he showed his true colors. I can't go into detail about what happened due to the fact that he's probably reading this right now (Hi John Alexander) and I would like for him to figure it out on his own... he's a big boy, he can think for himself. (Those of you out there who know me well enough should already now what events took place.) (John's response to all of this can be found... *Click Here*) I would just like to say for those of you that I pissed off due to my being adimitt (I don't know why.) about wanting to be friends with John,
"I'm sorry!"
Anything written in this color is commentary made after the below was written.
"... Sex has become all I know about you
Memories of those filthy things that we do..."
"No Sex" by Limp Bizkit
This page is dedicated to an ex boyfriend of mine, John. The one that I used to care about so much. (I don't know way.)
Six months I gave to that guy, and although we didn't take on the "Boyfriend/Girlfriend" title till the last month, we were just that, boyfriend and girlfriend. Neither of us slept with anyone else and we only dated each other. When I fooled around with another guy and told him, he got jealous. He won't admit he was, but I saw it in his eyes. He realized that he had no right to be, because he didn't want anything official with me at the time. (I'm still trying to find out what drugs I was smoking to have wanted anything with him.)
People asked me many times why I was with him if he hurt me so much. No one saw in him what I did (no, you perverts. I'm not talking about what I saw of him under his clothes. I'm talking about the person he was inside.). He wasn't the kind of boyfriend that I was accustomed to. He hurt me (emotionally) by sending me home all those nights crying and to curl up in the corner of my room while my father and brothers pounded on my door wanting to comfort me. (I don't understand why I let some loser like him get to me.)
You see John and I had many differences as far as expectations in a relationship are concerned. John's favorite sex quote is, "The defination of eternity is the time it takes for me to cum and you to leave." (What a jerk!) When I wanted to cuddle, kiss, or do anything that goes along with public displays of affection, John would rather take me home and try to get me into bed. I'm not a big fan of sex, I enjoy laying in a guys arms making-out and physically seducing each other. I only enjoy sex if the foreplay prior to is sentual, passionate, soft, and in a loving manner. John's idea of a date would be taking a girl out to a fancy dinner and going to the movies. Yes all that is nice once and awhile, but not always as romantic as my idea of a date. I am perfectly happy staying home, cuddling with a special someone and making it a blockbuster night or a picnic at night by a lake. I enjoy simple dates, not the ones that you spend more than fifteen dollars all together on. I enjoy a guy telling me that I'm beautiful and running his fingers thru my hair. I enjoy the carassing and John was very hands off (that bothered me) (And the thought of him even touching me now makes me physically ill.).
I'm not sure if he even knows that, I don't even know if he'd really care at this point since all we are is friends, but for his future girlfriends he may want to reread the above paragraph and take notes.
I should have stopped caring about him sooner before it went far enough as to allow me to hurt myself by wanting something or someone I couldn't have. I know that now, but I am starting to see more and more everyday that he is an amazing friend. Oh, god! That damn upchuck reflex! Blaaaahhhh!)
One of my friends gave me an ultimatum and told me it was either his friendship or John's friendship. (I should have said, "Goodbye John!") When I pleaded to him and said that I won't choose and that it wasn't fair he said, "Fine, I chose for you!” When I told John, he told me that he was sorry for causing trouble (which he wasn't) (actually, he was) and was ok when I asked him to give me time and space to get my friend back.
I realize now how stupid that was. The friend of mine that gave me the ultimatum was either not being a very fair friend or was obviously no friend at all. (Yes, he was. He was looking out for me. He knew John would hurt me, but I didn't want to believe it.) A true friend would not make me choose between friends. John has been there when no one has wanted to be. And yes, he has a rudimentary way of looking at things (for all of you who pulling out the dictionary, don’t bother. Rudimentary also means unsophisticated or rough), but that’s what I like about John, he isn’t anything like my other friends. Don’t get me wrong, he’s very smart, well read, and extremely unique. He told it to me the way he thought about it no matter how crude it sounded. I just wish everyone could get to see him the same way I did.
Now, for all you girls out there who are curious about this guy, go for it. (And make sure you don't mind your heart being stepped on, or just make sure you don't have a heart for him to hurt.) He was not the right kind of boyfriend for me (I’m sorry John but you weren't.) However, he has been as I said, “… an amazing friend.” (Yeah right! Yuk! Oh, there's that upchuck reflex again!)
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