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You know you're a Desi when...

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You know you're a Desi (South Asian) when ...

• You call an older person you've never met before "uncle" or "auntie".

• You make tea in a saucepan.

• You never buy bin bags, but use your saved grocery bags for it.

• You have a 'Singer Brother' sewing machine at home

• You put your clothes in suitcases instead of wardrobes.

• Your mother has a minor disagreement with her sister and doesn't talk to her for ten years.

• You hide everything regarding your social life from your parents.

• Your mother does everything for you if you are male.

• You do all the housework and cooking if you are female.

• Your relatives alone could populate a small city.

• Every desi you know is a family friend.

• Everyone always called you for help on homework.

• You read law, medicine or engineering at your university.

• If you don't, then you read computer science or business instead.

• You know no one who has read music.

• You went to a university as far away from home as possible to get away from embarrassing relatives.

• You still came back home to live with your parents after you had finished.

• Your best friend got married at the age of 16-20.

• You only make telephone calls after 6-9pm depending on when it is free.

• You like the meat well done.

• You eat onions and kurry with everything and can't stand bland American food.

• You use chilli/hot/tobasco sauce instead of tomato ketchup.

• You fight over who pays the dinner bill, because you want to pay it so much.

• You say you hate Indian films/songs but secretly watch/hear them with your parents.

• You teach Westerners swearwords in your language.

• You order Indian/Pakistani food in your own language to impress the people you're with but the waiters don't understand you.

• You always say "open the light" instead of "turn the light on".

• You secure your baggage with a rope.

• You're walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you see all twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick you up.

• You get very upset when airlines refuse to accept your luggage which is just 80 lbs. overweight.

• You go back to your parents' country and people treat you like a member of the royal family.

• You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you story of how he had to walk miles barefoot just to get to school.

• You own mostly Japanese cars, because they are cheaper and better quality.

• To your American friends, oil is used purely for cooking and not as a grooming aid.

• Your parents have nicknames but only because people they work with just stop when trying to pronounce their names.

• Your parents call all your friends "Beta (child)" whether they are Desi or not.

• If you aren't married and you turn 25, your parents start wringing their hands and proclaim that it's too late.

• Your friends could not explain your religion to someone if they tried.

• People automatically assume you don't know english.

• People try to guess your nationally, but always fail.

• Your parents push the concept of an arranged marriage on you and try and demonstrate how well it works.

• You notice that whenever you go to another Desi's house, your parents always talk about businesses... especially if there is a sale.

• The second you pull out of someone's driveway, your parents start talking about them.

• Your parents always proclaim that you should not be embarrassed about your heritage.

• At least once a week your mom says, "I want to go to my mother country"

• Your parents worry what other people will think if you're not going to be a doctor/lawyer/engineer.

• You're parent's always say, "It's cheaper back home"

• Your parents still try to get you into places half-price saying you are 12 when you are really 15.

• You have a 40 lb. bag of Basmati rice in your pantry.

• Everyone thinks you're "Indian" or "Arab" no matter what part of South Asia your ancestors were from.

• You've had a mushroom haircut at one point in your life.

• Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends' kids.

• You've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are really low.

• You know what's going to happen in every Indian movie before it happens.

• You've never gotten little red envelopes around February for Valentine's Day.

• Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back and closet doors.

• Foolish people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian languages.

• At least one family member wears black wire/plastic frame glasses.

• Your parents expect you'll be best friends with any one of the street in any given area as long as they are Desi.

• A Desi woman comes on campus and people ask: "Is that your mother? Well then, is it your sister?"

• Your relatives' houses smell like incense, mothballs or both.

• Everyone thinks you're good at math and science because you are Asian.

• Your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from Asia with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks and English words that make no sense, in great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange and the ever popular lime green.

• You enjoy $1.75 movies, but you like $1.50 movies even more.

• Your parents insist you marry within your family, nationality, or race.

• You have 12+ aunts and uncles from both your mother's and your father's side.

• At expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your beverage and NEVER order dessert.

• Your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread and say "Eat it anyway. It's still good."

• The vast majority of the people related to you wear glasses. Thick glasses.

• You will most likely be taller than your parents.

• When going to other peoples' houses, you always have to bring a gift.

• Your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV.

• The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations, or any of the rest of the furniture.

• You have rocks, sticks, leaves and strange-smelling, unknown substances in your pantry for use as medicine.

• You own a pressurer rice cooker or four.

• You buy corn/mustard/vegetable oil by the gallon.

• Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head.

• Your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to school, how horrible the weather was in their native country, and how much they still appreciated going.

• Every relative you meet lectures you on the merits of going to school.

• Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can "grow into it" and wear it for years to come."

• Your parents own two of either refrigeraters/freezers.

• You're not allowed to purchase anything unless you have a coupon or it's on sale.

• Your favorite question at a restaurant -"Do you have extra jalepenos/tobasco sauce?"

• You're going to be the proud owner of your father's motel/dry cleaners/gas station when you grow up.

• Your parents have to know your friends' father's, cousin's, in-laws, dog's first, middle and last name, as well as complete life history, before they're acceptable.

• There are always Indian/Pakistani songs, music, or movies at full volume running your living room 24/7.

• Either you really like Indians of the opposite sex or you can't stand them.

• Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day

• No one ever seems to call ahead of time to say they are coming over for a visit.

• You have cousins you have never met, whose names you don't know, but who insist they're related to you, even though they bear NO resemblance to...anyone YOU know.

• You have at least one pair of Sandak brand sandals in your home.

• You know women who wear scarves that don't cover their hair and men who wear kufis that don't cover the front portion of their hair.

• You dress better than 95% of your non-desi classmates.

• You have atleast one person in your family who smokes heavily.

• Eating Pan Masala in green leaves is the latest rad in your family.

• Your non-desi friends wonder when they see you brushing your teeth with your finger and some powder, instead of with a toothbrush and toothpaste.

• You don't use toilet paper, but you use a a bucket of water instead.

• Your cousins are wannabe black or spanish gangsters.

• Your other cousins are wannabe white jocks.

• In school you either talk too much, or you don't talk at all.

• You are the only kid in your class who knows the true art of fighting and seeking enlightenment.

• About half of the men in your family have thick, heavy mustaches and no beards.

• The other half have no mustaches and thick, heavy beards.

• You have had your head shaved bald several times when you were an infant.

• You never go to the barbershop, but your mother always cuts your hair.

• Your mother cooks five star restaurant food.

• No she cooks better than five star restaraurant food.

• Your mother cooks food filled with love, warmth, and hundreds of unknown spices.