Going Home

Disclaimers:  I own nadda.
Warning: Umm I am a sick person.
Summary:  Brad goes home.... only it's not where you'd expect him to be from.  

*  *  *

"Another day." The slam of a car trunk effectively cutting off the loud pleading of it's owner. " Another dollar." Or was it yen?

Frowning the red head looked towards the sleek black Mercedes parked beside the target's car, and the petite-ish dark haired boy sitting in the back. " Hey Nagi, how much this gig floatin'?"

" What?" Came the bland reply.

" Brush up on your slang kid."

" Speak plain Japanese Schuldig." Brad replied in Nagi's place, " There's no reason for you to sound like some backwater low life, not with the amount of money you make."

Schuldig snorted, " Whatever." Tapping the trunk he laughed, " Hey, ya hear that? I'm a 'seasoned high paid' assassin. Meaning I'm getting twice as much as anybody else to stuff you and your wife into the trunk of YOUR car, and set it on fire. Plus I get extra for going to your house and waiting for your daughter to come home to have her throat slit. So you can die knowing that you were killed by the best money can buy and not some rookie! Does that make it better?"


A whimper was his answer.

" Nothing to say? That's fine Farfie get the gas can for me."

Farfarello got out of the Mercedes holding two, two-gallon jugs of cheap red wine.

" What the hell is that?"

" No gas."

Schuldig looked at him suspiciously, " What do you mean no gas?"

" No gas. Crawford said no gas in his car unless it was in the tank." Farfarello replied setting the gallons down at Schuldig's feet, then turning back to the Mercedes.

Schuldig sighed...Farfie just wasn't the same since Brad had put him on these new meds...he seemed almost zombie like and was as obedient as a puppy...what a waste. " Ah well folks we're the best that money can buy but apparently we are also neat freaks, who aren't willing to chance a little gas getting on their precious leather interior."

" You don't have a single professional bone in your body do you Schuldig?" Brad asked, irritation seeping into his voice.

Schuldig cocked his head toward the annoyed American, "Why should I Bradley?  Who cares?" Propping his hand on the trunk he crossed his ankles, just as casual as casual was...never mind they were in the middle of an open field about to make a sacrificial pyre out of a Lexus...with two people bound in the trunk.

" Is there something wrong with being professional? If we charge more, we should give people more for their money. Simple logic." Brad answered coldly.

" Like what? Pens and towels? " He asked sarcastically, then with his best airline steward voice he said," Hi, we're Schwarz incorporated, we've been assigned to torture and kill you today. Now we have you down for a severe beating and disembowelment. Followed by a nice and permanent dip in the local river. But before we do that, would you mind filling out this customer service form to let us know how we may improve our service in the future?"

" Idiot." Nagi mumbled finally looking up.

Brad shook his head, and wiped a smug off the hood of his car.

" What?" Schuldig asked, bending down to heft one of the wine jugs, " Dead is dead, it doesn't matter how you get there." Unscrewing the cap he slouched some of the red liquid onto the car. This would be the point were someone else would get poetic and say, that it looked like fresh blood seeping from champagne colored skin...but Schuldig neither thought it looked like blood, nor was he feeling very poetic.

Instead he began to hum, an old Melissa Etheridge song he'd heard on the radio. 'Tonight I feel so weak, but all in love is fair.  Come on sing it with me Brad! I turn the other cheek... And I feel the SLAP and the STING of the foul night air! And I know you're only human, and I haven't got talk in the room.  But tonight while I'm makin' excuses…Some other woman is making love to you… SOMEBODY bring me some water, can't you see I'm burnin' alive?!  My baby got another lover I-don't-know-how I'm gonna survive! Somebody bring me some water, can't you see it's outta control. Baby's got my heart, and my baby's got my mind but tonight the sweet devil, the sweet devil's got my sooooooul!'


" You're hopeless." Brad said pushing his glasses back up his nose.

Schuldig winked at him, ' Will this aching pass? Will this night be through? When I hear the breaking glass. I only feel the steel of the red hot truth!  I'd do anything to get it outta my mind. I need some insanity, some of that temporary kind.  Tell me how will I ever be the same?  When I know that that woman is whisperin' yo NAME?! SOMEBODY bring me some water, can't you see I'm burnin' alive?!  My baby got another lover I-don't-know-how I'm gonna survive! Somebody bring me some water, can't you see it's outta control. Baby's got my heart, and my baby's got my mind but tonight the sweet devil, the sweet devil's got my sooooooul!'


Snorting disdainfully Brad glared at him archly over his glasses, " Don't quit your day job."

Shrugging Schuldig tossed the empty bottle towards him, and picked up the second one, " You just don't have any appreciation of good music."


" Shut up and do your job." Brad snapped yanking the Mercedes' door open and getting inside.


" Fine, fine sheesh," Schuldig sighed, swigging the last of the wine out. " You know you shouldn't drink and drive....it can kill ya." Laughing at his own joke he fingered the pack of cigarettes in his pockets, debating if he wanted one or not...of course he did. And he didn't know why he bothered thinking about it in the first place. Pulling the battered pack of lucky's and the zippo out of his pocket. He carefully lipped one of the filterless cigs from the pack, and lit it, grinning at his comrades in the car.

Both Nagi and Brad rolled their eyes.

Schuldig didn't care damn it, he'd been dying to try that since he'd seen J.D. do it in 'Devil without a cause', earlier that week...shaking his head he chuckled, it'd been the Japanese dubbed version...nothing funnier than watching James Dean do his thing in Nihon-go. Poor Brad had been so scandalized he'd left the room mumbling something about hierarchy. Who knew he was a fan? Pulling in long drag of poisonous smoke, Schuldig tossed the cigarette onto the trunk...nothing happened...well no the cigarette hissed and went out. Guess that was something, just not the right something.

Brad snorted.
Nagi shook his head.

Pouting Schuldig lit his lighter and tried again...the alcohol caught. Cue frantic screaming and begging for life...ooh bribery!

Stepping back, he took a moment to admire the blaze, then flashed a triumphant grin to his co-workers.

Brad started the car.

*  *  *

Schuldig guessed bonding time was over when the car pulled up to the curb, Nagi jumped out before it came to a complete stop yelling something about a term paper on sperm whales due tomorrow...whatever.

Farfarello slunk out behind him, heading back to his basement no doubt...poor guy. He made a mental note to find out what Brad had put him on, then dump them down the sink.

" Don't even think about it Schuldig." Brad replied blandly, shutting off the engine, he looked towards the red head seated beside him expectantly.

" Think about what?" Schuldig asked innocently.

" Leave Farfarello alone. His pills are good for him."

" Who's the mind reader here, me or you?"

" You of course now get out of my car."

With a huff, and a roll of his eyes, Schuldig climbed out, making sure to smudge his fingerprints on the roof.

Brad pretended not to notice, and locked up his precious car like always, and headed towards the house. Hell bent determined to ignore Schuldig.

Well Schuldig wasn't having that....

" I bet you're going to your study."

" Yes."

" What do you do in there all day anyway?"

" A foreign concept to you maybe...but it's called work."

" Ha ha."

" I wasn't joking."

Snorting Schuldig caught the closing door with his foot, and slipped inside after the American, " Seriously what are you doing?"

" Cataloging my files."

"...No I'm serious."

"..."

" You're serious aren't you..."

Brad sat down in front of his computer and switched it on.

" That's so boring..."

" Yes."

Schuldig smirked, " So why don't you do something else? Like say..."

" No. That was a one time thing, and a one time thing only remember Schuldig?"

" I didn't even say anything yet-oh yeah pre-cog...sheesh you're no fun at all Bradboy-"

" Don't call me that."

Schuldig smirked and prodded at Brad's mind, " Why not Bradboy?"

Brad twitched and slumped over his keyboard.

Schuldig leaned over his shoulder and rested his chin in the American's collarbone.

Brad's hand shot up and yanked his hair...

" Itai! You've resorted to hair pulling now?"

" Don't you have something to do?" Brad snapped.

" Yeah, annoy you."

" Besides that. "

" Get into your pants?"

No reply was given...none was needed.

With an exaggerated sigh, Schuldig brushed his hair back over his shoulder, and leaned against Brad's desk. " You have the sex drive of a wet shoe."

" Thank you."

" And the sex appeal of a walrus."

This is the last time I'm telling you to go away Schuldig." Brad bit out.

"Oh you're giving me a warning? I don't usually get warnings that's so nice of you Bradbo-"

You know...you never really notice the ceiling until you're laying flat on your back...it could use some paint, maybe fushia or mauve...

" Trash." Brad growled sitting back down at his desk.


Schuldig's eyes narrowed into slit, " What'd you call me?"

Typing in another command Brad took his time, turning back to Schuldig, " I called you trash. That's what you are, trash with a gift. And because you're content with that...that's all you'll ever be. "

Schuldig snorted, and pushed himself up, " Well excuse me. Mister Crawford, but not everyone can be born with a silver spoon shoved up their ass."


Brad...almost smiled, " Oh it's a silver spoon now, last you told me it was a thorny stick."

" Hey-"

" Get out Schuldig." he said wearily, then paused and glanced towards the phone frowning, it rang a second later.

Schuldig rolled and grabbed it out from under him, " What?"

Silence on the other end, " I don' know if anybody deh speak english but I'm lookin' for my broda Jeanboy Le Blanc..."

" Who?" Schuldig asked....he couldn't place the accent exactly it kinda sounded like a very mutilated New Yorker with a bad cold. " I don't know a Jeanbo-"

Brad snatched the phone out of his hand, " Hello?"

Schuldig blinked, and rose to his feet, " Who is it?"

Brad glared death at him, and pointed to the door.

Schuldig for once complied....and went to listen in on the phone in the kitchen. You just had to love that mute button.

' Jeanboy-'

' It's Brad now Jacque. What do you want?'

Jacque laughed, ' Yeah dat's wha dem people said you was callin' yoself Brad . Bradley Crawfud. I can't believe you took ol' Crawfud's name.'

' I know this isn't a social call what's the problem now?'

' Wha? I ain't even heard from ya in tree(1) years, and when I do get hold ya' ya get all uppity. How you been cher?'

Brad sighed, ' Fine.'

' Anyway I couldn find ya no where's den I get this message dat chu(2) ain't even in America no mo'. Dat chu somewhere in japann-'

' Get on with it Jacque. You are not the talkative type, and you know I know it. You just have some bad news that you don't want to tell me. I'm a grown man, whatever it is I can handle it. '

Jacque sighed, ' Grammy Mae and Lynn died last month.'

Silence again.

Schuldig vaguely wonder who the hell was Grammy Mae?

' W-what?'

' Grammy Mae died...the whoopin' cough got-'

' Cancer! It was fucking lung cancer! I sent money for medicine why did-'


' She didn't believe in no doctors Jeanboy you know dat.'

' You damn frustrating backwater-'

' Eh. Jeanboy, you come from the same backwata we do...or did chu foget dat?'

' I've been doing my best too forget that.'

Jacque laughed...' I neyva undastood chu Jeanboy.'

' Crawford, and I don't understand you. We busted our asses for scholarships, then busted them again working to stay in school and pay for books. '

' Oui.'

' And you got your masters in Agriculture of all things just to go back to that PISSHOLE!'

' That pisshole is where we come from.'

' Exactly come. Not go.'

Jacque sighed, ' You still got daddy temper. Jeanboy did you even hea' what I dun toll you?'

' Yes Grammy Mae died.'

' Jeanboy Lynn dead too.'

Icy silence, ' What do you mean dead? How?'

' Rafe.'

' He beat her to death?-'

' No. The coroner said her technal cause of death was drownin'. The pistol whippin' he gave hur was secondary.'

' And no one-'

' Jeanboy you know the laws out chea, she was his wife it weren't nobody place to intafear in dey bitness.'

' She's your sister!'

' She yo's too.'

Schuldig pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it. Brad had a sister...and a brother....and apparently a grandmother, so at some point he had to have a mother....wow and all this time he thought he was just a cyborg.


' So you tracked me down just to tell me that Grammy and Lynn are dead?'


Jacque sighed, ' Grammy left chu somethin' she didn't want you to come home while she was dyin'....n Lynn left sumthin' fo you too.'

' What is it?'

' You gon half to come home ta get it.'

' I'm a busy man Jac. I can't just up and leave without warning. And hang up the fucking phone Schuldig!' Brad snapped.


Schuldig lit a cigarette...bless that mute button.


' Dis is bout family Jeanboy. Chu couldn't do right by Grammy while she was alive, do it na. I'm sho you know da way home.'

Apparently Jacque considered the conversation to be over, because he hung up. Schuldig hung up as well, and took a long drag on his cigarette...vaguely wishing it was something a lot stronger than tobacco.

It was about this time that Nagi conveniently wandered into the kitchen in search of food, he gave the redhead a bland glance then shoved his face into the fridge, " What are you doing Schuldig?"

" Eavesdropping on Crawford's conversation with his brother. Why?"

" Oh." It took Nagi's food deprived brain all of a minute to register two things, the first someone...probably Schuldig had finished off the last bag of cheetos, and second-" Crawford has a brother?"

" I can see it's impossible to keep a secret around here." Crawford himself spoke, casting a cold glare...at an amazingly unaffected Schuldig. " By the way if you ever listen in on my phone calls again without my permission. I'll rip out your prostate with my bare hands." He completed this very calmly voiced threat with an accompanying mental image of him doing just that.

Schuldig winced...then wondered if it was even possible to get an entire forearm into a persons rectal cavity...then he wondered why he was thinking that in the first place.

"Nagi, I'm taking a small hiatus to the states, kindly inform our employer of my departure-"

" And mine!" Schuldig said casting Crawford a daring glance.

Brad took it, " And where are you going?"

Schuldig grinned, " Don't know, you didn't say where we're going yet."

Adjusting his glasses, Brad fixed Schuldig with a look other people reserved for squished insects, " You can't come with me."

" Yes I can, and I am." he shrugged.

" No. You're not." Brad said again.

" Yes. I am." Schuldig replied mimicking his tone.

" No. you. are. not."

" Yes.I.am."

" No-"

" Hey," Schuldig held up his hands palm forward, " Where goeth my Bradley baby, so goeth I."

Brad winced, " Fine. I don't have time for this. Nagi inform Mr. Takatori of mine AND Schuldig's departure."


Nagi frowned, " How come Schuldig gets to go? Why can't I go too?"

Brad sighed, " 1 you're less annoying than Schuldig, and it'd probably be better if he's somewhere I can see what's he doing anyway, and 2) Someone needs to stay and take care of Farfarello...or did you forget about what happened last time Schuldig was left alone with Farfarello's care?"

Both Brad and Nagi turned dagger charged glares at the redhead.

Schuldig laughed, " Hey the doctor said he's fine now. "

" You didn't feed him for five days."

Schuldig didn't seem to see what was the big deal about that. " Yeah and?"

Brad considered hitting him....

" I still want to go too." Nagi frowned.

Brad sighed looking at the kid, " You have school."

" I'm five weeks ahead of my class."

Brad arched a brow, " Really?" Maybe he needed to add to the kid's workload if he was doing that well. " All right you can come…but once you are both there. No one gets to LEAVE until I do got it?"

Schuldig shrugged, flicking the burned down cigarette into the sink, " Sure Brad."

Nagi looked a little worried but nodded.

Brad's lips twitched upwards, in an almost sadistic smile, " You could use a little meat on your bones anyway Nagi."

" Wha-"

Before Nagi could ask what he meant by that, Brad spoke to Schuldig," Go get Fafarello ready to go. Nagi, like I said make a report to our employer as well as make alternate arrangements for his security. After that see to it that we have-"

" Hey! How come I have to do all the work, and all Schuldig has to do is go get Farfarello ready for the trip?"

Crawford patted the youth's head and headed toward his study, " Make sure it's the plane with the bed just in case Farfarello needs a tranq."

" But-"

" Okay whatever you say Brad!" Schuldig purred, " Or should I say, Jhonboy?"

Brad's shoulders tensed, but he let it go.


" What was that about?" Nagi asked...still pouting.

Schuldig laughed.

*  *  *

End notes

1) Tree =  three -_-;

2) Chu= you -_-;  

Lame= This fic.

Going Home  

Disclaimers:  I own nadda.
Warning: Umm I am a sick person.
Summary:  Brad goes home....only it's not where you'd expect him to be from.  

* * *

Many hours later...close too three days actually thanks to Nagi's severe allergic reaction to fried clams and Schuldig's insistence on a detour to Miami for a shopping spree...$50.00 on a fucking toothbrush!

Brad rubbed his forehead, his family would die over such opulence. Schuldig had spent well over 9,000 American dollars on 6 outfits...and that was just the clothes! Anyway it didn't matter anymore...they were there....

Brad looked out at the darkened city they were descending on and sighed...the longest part of the journey was over. Now he had a 3-hour drive then a 15-minute boat ride in the dead of night. He couldn't help but smirk, he was returning home the exact same way he left it...under the cover of dark.

" Where are we?" Nagi almost hissed, the boy was a little grumpy from his ordeal...which consisted of puking...and more puking for the last day and a half...he seemed much better now though.

" The city of sin." Brad answered blandly taking off his glasses and cleaning them on the sleeve of his coat.

Schuldig frowned, " L.A."

Brad looked at him scandalized. " No."

" Atlanta?" he tried again.

" No."

" Missepeepee?" he asked.

" Who?"

Schuldig rolled his eyes, " Missepeepee..."

" Mississippi?"

" Whatever this isn't my country."

Brad shook his head, " No."

" Fargo?"

Okay that was it, " What? No! New Orleans you idiot!" Brad reached out to smack him, but the plane touched down and jolted him forward, instead he settled for an exasperated, " Fargo? Don't answer that! Just don't!"

Schuldig shrugged and looked out the window...the city really looked like any other city they'd been too...then again maybe it was just airports that looked the same.

The plane came to a stop beside a terminal and whined down. A moment later Brad stood picking up his discarded coat from the seat beside him.

Schuldig rose as well followed by Nagi.

Farfarello remained where he was laying across the seat staring at a point just pass the tips of his boots...as he'd been doing all trip.

Schuldig rolled his eyes and reached for the lunatic, unwilling to touch his creepy little mind with his own.

Farfarello jerked back out of his reach, then stood up on his own, and weaved around Schuldig and Nagi to the door without so much as a word.

Three pairs of eyes watched his departure struck dumb.

Finally after a moment Brad cleared his throat and followed him out.

Nagi soon after and then Schuldig.

*  *  *

Two hours and forty five minutes later they were well on their way. In a black suburban of all things. Schuldig considered pouting about it, he'd wanted the jaguar or at least the BMW. But nooooo Brad chose the suburban! The ugliest and biggest thing on the lot! Glancing over at the grim faced American he glared at his profile. After getting the car, Brad had made one more stop before they'd gotten on their way something called Wal-Mart..

Schuldig of course had refused to get out of the car ...not after that incident when he'd had his first taste of southern air at the airport.

He'd lit a cigarette just before stepping out of the airport...and thought he was going to die.

It was trying to breathe face down in a puddle of mud. He'd promptly stepped back inside the air-conditioned confines of the airport sucking in filtered air like there was no tomorrow.

Brad Nagi and Farfarello stood on the other side of the glass door looking at him like he was insane.

He'd relented in his decision to stay in the car after he realized with the car off there was no air conditioning...he'd run into the store after the others sweating and limp haired...already he didn't like Brad's home.

Brad had just looked at him and shook his head, and dragged him over to the clothes...then proceeded to fit them all for *shiver* overalls.

Schuldig feeling bitchy about the weather, and not having a cigarette in the last five minutes refused to even look at the corduroy overalls Brad held up to him. " These will fit. "

"They're hideous." Schuldig snapped.

Brad rolled his eyes and shoved the overalls at him, " You didn't even look at them."

"..."

"Guys." Nagi said glancing around them warily.

Schuldig and Brad had both followed his eyes, and realized they were being stared at.

" What?" Schuldig asked the people.

They still stared at him, he asked again...then glanced at the nearest person's mind. A scrawny teenager with a bright orange cap on that had a logo for something called 'John Deer' on the front.

' What kinda talk is that?'

Schuldig blinked, then grinned realizing they had been speaking Japanese. " Hi. "

People looked away again with polite smiles.

And now here they were way passed the country, the sticks, and even the boonies. Where the fuck had Brad grown up? He'd stopped looking out the window about half an hour ago. There wasn't anything to see anyway but highway, creepy looking trees and maybe the occasional road sign.

Instead he'd taken to beating his head against Brad's mental block, trying to find out anything about the 'family' they were going to meet.

Finally Brad turned the car off the highway down a narrow shell paved road, hidden by even more of those weepy looking trees, something that looked like a giant rat skittered across the road in front of them, " Are we there yet?" Schuldig asked propping his feet on the dashboard.

"Almost," Crawford replied, his voice was as tense as his shoulders.

Obviously he wasn't happy about coming home. Schuldig frowned and turned his eyes back through the front windshield. There was a light up ahead, thank god, and an opening that seemed to have pushed the trees back a ways.

Crawford pulled into the clearing, and Schuldig could see a medium sized shack was the source of the light. Red and green neon flashed the image of that rat creature he'd seen on the road earlier, and the words, ' Possum hole'...very classy.

Several rusty and battered pick-up trucks, and a cutlass supreme were parked out in front of the aptly named Possum hole...Crawford pulled the suburban in between a red Ford, and a white Chevy. The new, clean and shiny truck looked sadly out of place...

Schuldig arched a brow as Brad turned off the car, " You live here?"

" No." Brad answered reaching behind him to grab the blue Wal-mart bags.

Schuldig frowned in distaste, straightened the white labels on his coat and opened the door on the stifling mud like air. Many writers he'd read had romanticized words for it like 'balmy' or 'spicy', he'd read one writer describe it as 'exotic nectar'...yeah nectar may be good to drink, but try to breathe it sometime!

Nagi was standing beside him now, looking up at him with a worried frown.

Schuldig glowered at him, he wanted a cigarette damn it but could barely breathe as it was.

" Come on." Brad said slamming his door shut, and walking the five steps to the Possum hole's sagging front porch.

Everyone followed silently. As soon as Brad pushed the door open, the wonderful scent of cheap beer and cheaper tobacco assaulted their senses. Along with the pounding, (grating) sound of country music.

' Bubba shot the jukebox last night...said it played a sad song and made him cry. Went out to his truck and got uh forty-five. Bubba shot the jukebox last niiiight'

After that Schuldig proceeded to block out the music, and just followed Brad to the bar, making sure that Nagi stayed close.

People where openly staring at all of them, matter of fact as soon as Brad had opened the door, the noise in the hole had diminished to nothing.

He could feel their eyes on his back as he went.

" Well well well doth myne i's decieve me? Jeanboy Jebuhdieya Le Blanc juest wolked on tru ma dou! How you been cher?"

Brad smiled...a real smile at the shaggy haired man behind the bar, " Possum it's nice to see you again."

Schuldig looked down at Nagi and arched a brow, ' Possum?' he sent to the younger boy.

Nagi shrugged and thought back, ' Jebuhdieya?'

Schuldig caught a stray thought from Farfie about some woman with way too much gold eye shadow, ' Gold eye make up hurts God...and it's tacky.'

Schuldig rolled his eyes and turned back to Brad and Possum's conversation.

Possum, he thought looked a lot like his name sake, with faded yellowish brown, and silver hair. His eyes were close set, and almost hidden beneath scraggly eyebrows...he looked like...well like a possum.


" Woo! Look at chu in yo fancy nancy suit. Where you been boy? Las I hurd chu was in Sacrumenta out deh in Caluhfourna!"

Brad smirked, " I've been in Japan."

" Jap ann? What chu doin' in jap ann?"

" I-"

" Well...Jeanboy so nice ta see you know yo' way home. What's da matta got tired o' dat big city dat chu was livin' in?" A woman wearing bright pink eye shadow and an off the shoulder tee shirt sauntered up to Brad in all her pink press on nail, blue spandex wearing glory. The heavy round circles of rouge on her cheeks reminded Schuldig of a clown, not to mention that ridiculous dyed red hair. Really, who did she think she was fooling?

Brad smiled at her as well though it seemed faker and a bit forced. And more than slightly uneasy. " Bobbi Jo." he said politely.

Bobbi snapped lime green gum and grinned, with all her own teeth. ( Bitchy Schu-Schu very bitchy.) " Jeanboy so nyce to actchlee(1) see ya. Tombo been axin' bout chu."


Schuldig frowned and dove into the woman's mind. Who was Tombo-" Son?! Brad you have a son?!"

Nagi blinked, " Son?"

Farfarello...pulled a knife out of his shirt and started licking it, gold eye looking back and forth from Schuldig to Brad expectantly.

Brad glanced over his shoulder at Schuldig, his eyes glittering with malice, " Not now Schuldig." he said in Japanese.

Schuldig twitched and turned away...taking little pot shot glances at Bobbi's memory. Hmm so he was drunk and then....

Still with that fake smile Brad looked back to Bobbi Jo, " Where is Thomas?"


Bobbi shrugged, " He back at dat fancy skool chu payin' so much fo'." she snorted her pretty face ( be prettier without the clown circles) twisting up in disgust, " He dun gon' n stauted actin' like chu did. Like he to gud ta be livin' chea."

Brad's smile became genuine then, " Good." he said turning back to Possum. " Bathroom key, and how much for one of your boats?"

' Boats?' Schuldig asked mentally, ' Why do we need a boat?'


Possum raised shaggy eyebrows, " Chu ben gon' to long Jeanboy. " he sighed slappin' a rusty key down on the bar.

Schuldig didn't like the look of it...

Brad nodded in agreement, " That I have...did you know Grammy died?"

Possum crossed his arms, " Yea I knowed. Iz dat why you came back home? Fo yo Grammy Mae?"

" And Lynn." There was a bitter edge to Brad's voice at the mention of his sister, " Where's Rafe?"

Possum grinned, " Visitin' the gator dine n dash." he said mischievously, " We take care o our own."

" Yet you'll stand by and not stop it from happening."

Possum raised his hands, " Jeanboy, chu know as well as I dat Lynn weren't no wiltin' flowa. She tallah den ewe with arms like uh marine. Not ta mention she hit like a damn man, and talk like a sailor. It a damn mercle dat Rafe managed to off her in the firs place."

Brad clamped his mouth shut, and took the key, at the same time he reached into his pocket for his wallet.

" Jeanboy. Na don chu dare insult me like dat. Ah don wan cho money, take Charlet."

Brad tried to insist, but Possum wasn't having it, and all but shoved them out the backdoor.

Schuldig looked around the place. The grass...what he could see of it (which wasn't much considering all light went away when the door shut) came up to his knees, and about 5 steps away stood a little medium sized wooden building, that looked in worse repair than the damn bar.

Schuldig's immediate response..." I'll change in the car."

" Me too." Nagi added...what went up to Schuldig's knees went higher on him.

" I want to change in the car too. " Farfarello said.

They all stared at him.

" What? It's dirty in there. Being dirty makes God happy."

" Yeah..."

Brad marched over to the shack and unlocked it, then glared all three of them into it.

After much whining they all reemerged with grim expressions on their faces.

" Brad this sucks." Schuldig summed up everything that the other two were feeling with one line.

Nagi nodded his agreement, looking anything but happy in a pair of dark brown overalls and a NASCAR tee-shirt.


Farfarello hadn't fared much better. His overalls were gray with a plain white tee-shirt.


Schuldig out of the tree-er three got the best heavy blue denim overalls and a checkered flannel...he actually looked like a sick cross between farmer John and a hippie.

" Shut up Schuldig. I told you all to pick something at Wal-Mart but you didn't so I picked for you." Brad said off-handedly, stepping out of the remarkably clean bathroom.

Schuldig's eyes turned to icy green slits as the American came into view. Wearing blue jeans, and a white sleeveless undershirt. He was still in the process of pulling on a gray and white flannel, as he came to stand in front of him. It took all of five seconds for Schuldig to get over his annoyance at Brad for having a better outfit than him. To realize he looked damn sexy in tight jeans and flannel.

Apparently he wasn't the only one to notice, " Oh my Jeanboy you still know ha' ta fill uh pair o' jeans just right."

Schuldig almost nodded his agreement, but caught himself.

Brad nodded at Bobbi Jo, before ushering Nagi towards the Possum's hole again.

Schuldig grabbed Farfarello's arm and brought the overall clad psycho along with him.

The room didn't seem to care the second time they entered. Brad casually led them to the bar a second time and handed Possum the key. Possum grinned and gave Brad a second key. " Charlet is all yers chu can have hu as long as you need hu."

Brad took the key and caught himself mid-bow, " Thank you." he said instead.

" Anytime Jeanboy. In-e-time."

Brad smiled at the man again, and headed out the front door, pushing Nagi and Farfarello before him...he returned a second later when he realized Schuldig wasn't with him.


" Budweiser's crap. So is Miller. Corona is better but not the greatest, Heineken now that's some good shit."

Possum shook his head, " Mah that German crap."

" Hey! Do you have any of it?"

" Nope but I got Sammy Adam."

Schuldig sighed put upon (poor Schu-Schu can't even get a beer.) , " Fine I'll take two of -"

" GOODBYE Possum." Brad said through clenched teeth. He looked civil even as he grabbed Schuldig by the shirt and dragged him out the door.

Nagi and Farfarello were half-way in the suburban digging around for something. Nagi popped up a second later holding a laptop and cell phone. Farfarello came out with a really large hook.

" When'd he get that?"

" Farfarello what'd I tell you about going through my stuff!" Brad snapped.

Schuldig looked at him strangely then stepped away oh so slightly.

Farfarello clutched the hook tight against his chest like a teddy bear.

Brad relented and let him keep it, " Are we ready to go?" he asked.

Schuldig shrugged, then remembered, " What's this crap about a son?!"

Brad looked at him out of the corner of his eye, " None of your business." He said, turning on his heel and marching off into the darkness.  

Schuldig and Farfarello followed,  Nagi relocked the suburban and ran after them.

It was several steps before Schuldig saw what Brad was heading for.  A small dock lined on both sides with canoes, and rowboats, even a few speed, and fishing boats.

" So which one is Charlet?"  Nagi asked squinting around in the dark.

Crawford pointed to a fair sized...and fairly new fishing boat, a small motor sat on the back facing them...waiting patiently to be used.


Schuldig however wasn't impressed, " Is that thing safe?"

" Get in."  Brad said firmly.

Schuldig was about to argue, but didn't get the chance when Brad shoved him off the dock and into the boat.   At that point he had all he could handle not falling over the side.

Once his flailing subsided he cast a glare at the American, who gestured for Nagi to go next.   Which he did without any assistance, he hopped on his laptop held securely against his chest. Farfarello went next, then Crawford.

Schuldig sat down on one of the benches, crossing his arms and pouting. He was starting to get used to breathing mud, however his hair wasn't...it flopped down around his face in a sign of surrender...nothing had defeated it before.  Rain, snow, ice, aussie frizz control...but 3 hours in this hellhole had done what no other place could do in years! He was not happy.  Wincing slightly he slapped at a tiny prick on his neck...a second one appeared on the other side...then a third and fourth on his hand and ankle.

Brad smirked in the darkness. " Seems like the mosquitoes like you Schuldig."

" Shut up Bradley."

Brad turned his attention away from the miserable red head to Nagi, " Nagi reach under your bench and get the light out.  I need you to hold it up while I steer."

Nodding Nagi did as he was told, finding the 'heavy duty' flashlight rather easily he held it up  in front of him illuminating the Spanish moss infested tress, and algae covered water.

" Ew...you grew up here?"  Schuldig asked.

Brad ignored him and started the engine.  " Keep the light trained on the water Nagi.  We don't want to bump into any sleepin' alligators.  They get cranky when you wake them before they're ready.

" Alligators?" Schuldig asked, " Like in those BIG reptile things in zoo's?"


" Yep."

Closing his eyes Schuldig sat very still suddenly very very sorry about wanting to come on this trip.

*  *  *

End notes:

1)  actchlee= actually -_-;

Going Home



Disclaimers: I own nadda.
Warning: Umm I am a sick person.
Summary: Brad goes home....only it's not where you'd expect him to be from.




* * *

Schuldig stood up in the boat staring at the spectacle before him...nine houses floated in the center of a clear area of swamp. He guessed they floated since there was no ground to be seen anywhere. Well other than the trees...everything else looked like algae covered water, and moss. It was more than a little disturbing to see wooden shacks, straight out of some pioneer novel floating in the middle of a swamp. Each of them had porches, with a chair or two on it. Several boats were tied to the front railings. Schuldig had thought he was sorry about coming before... but now...now he was really sorry...sorrier than he'd ever been in his life.

" Brad...tell me this isn't it...please tell me this isn't it." He begged, looking around him.

Brad sighed, " This is it." He said, his voice unreadable.

Schuldig turned to look at him very slowly. Even in the dark, he could see a vague sadness on Brad's face. Reaching out he gently laid his hand on Brad's shoulder, not sure what to say to the other man. Finally he settled on, " You were poor. I mean really poor...poorer than me! Now that's pretty damn poor I'll tell you that much."

" Shut up Schuldig." He growled.

Schuldig shut up...for a second. " Now I understand why you're so anal about your stuff, you had shit when you were growing up. Man I never knew how good I had it before-"

" Schuldig one more word out of you and I'll fucking strangle you!"

" Sheesh I was just trying to be understanding! Lighten up a little it's not my damn fault you were poor as helgac-" Brad's hands were around his throat before he could finish squeezing and shaking him with each word he spit out.

" When I tell you to shut up! SHUT UP! Got that? Is that something you are capable of understanding you obnoxiousredheadgermanpieceofshi-"

" Brad you're rocking the boat! I can't swim! Please don't kill Schuldig till we're on something more solid!" Nagi begged clutching the side of the boat with one hand, and his laptop with the other.

" I like this hook, it's shiny and pretty and sharp..."

Brad didn't seem to notice, " This trip has hardly even began and I'm already tired of your crap! I swear to GOD if you keep this up I'm going to dismember you and use your pieces to make GUMBO!"

" Brad!"

Schuldig was turning blue, but that was all right pretty colors were swirling in front of his eyes...

" Don't you DARE go unconscious while I'm choking the life out of you!"

" Brad!"

" Pretty pretty hook...it'll look prettier with blood on it...."

" Crawford for the love of...anything the boat!"

" You are going to behave for the rest of this fucking nightmare or-"


" Jeanboy! Dat be nugh o dat pu' dat bo' dane rit na!"


Brad blinked and let go of Schuldig and looked in the direction of the voice. A tall middle aged woman stood in a faded green house dress, an oil lamp in one hand, a double barreled shotgun hanging loosely in the other. Her black hair had streaks of silver in it that was noticeable even in the feeble light of the lamp. She had a handsome face, not one that anyone would call pretty...but not exactly ugly either. Strong would be the best word for it, she looked like a woman that had spent her life living hard, and not only survived but conquered.

" Kaasan?" Brad whispered


" Wha chu say?"

" Mama." He said a little louder.

Schuldig however hadn't noticed any of these things he was busy choking on the bottom of the boat.

Nagi glanced towards the woman, then back to Crawford, "Kaasan?"

" What is it mama?" A man's voice asked from a different house, a moment later the glow of his oil lamp could be seen in the doorway...then the person himself came into view.

Nagi blinked, looked from Brad to the man, then back again.

The man squinted and put on a pair of spectacles, " Jeanboy?"

" Jacque?"

Schuldig rested his chin on the lip of the boat, " I'll be damned...twins."

" What is it Jacque?" A petite red head followed Jacque out of the shack, his voice was only lightly flavored with the honey thick accent everyone else seemed to have.

Schuldig snorted casting a glance up at Brad's fury etched face, even as the red head looped one arm through Jacque's and reached for the lantern with the other, "Whose out there?" trying to guide the light over to the little boat. " I heard you say Jeanboy...is it really Jeanboy?!"

Schuldig noted the angry/jealous current that flowed through Jacque for a moment, but it faded away as he answered, " Yes...Jeanboy's back." He said blankly, depositing the light in the man's hand and turning abruptly back to the house.

The red head looked torn between following or staying to greet him...in the end- " I-It's nice to see you again Jeanboy." He said smiling weakly, then limped back inside the house dousing the light.

Schuldig looked up to Brad with a frown then back in the direction the red haired man had gone.




* * *

Schuldig sat as far away from Brad er Jeanboy as was possible...after the incident in the boat he thought it would be a good idea to give the American some space...a lot of space.

Brad sat on the other side of the room glaring into the tin mug his mother had given him.

" Jeanboy, wha da heel took ewe so long?" Fanny Le Blanc asked.

Brad twitched, " We had some complications." He said shooting a glare at Nagi and Schuldig.

Fanny laughed, " Well listen ate chu. Don' chu soun like Mista collage boy imself."

" That's because I went to college." He mumbled into his cup.

" Don' chu back talk me boy!" she snapped.

" I'm 27 years old Mama!"

" And I'm 40! Witch mean Ah'm still oleda!"

Schuldig's eyes widened, he may not have been the quickest with math but he knew the difference between 27 and 40 was 13 years...Brad's mother was only 13 years older than him!

Coughing into his hand he did his best to hide a chuckle.

Brad apparently caught it because his glare focused and intensified.

Schuldig smiled sweetly at him.

" Well?" Brad asked looking back up at his mother.

She arched a brow and fixed him with a cold glare, " Well what?"

" Why did you call me back here-- from halfway across the world by the way?! What was so damned important?"

Schuldig snickered, " Oooh aren't we the feisty one today?!"

Brad ignored him.

Fanny's eyes narrowed dangerously for a second, but she smirked, " Ah I see wha it tis. You dun gon n got cho draws in uh knot afta seein' Demetre wit Jacque-"

" It has nothing to do with Demetre." Brad snapped, " I just want to know why you're wasting my time."

Fanny studied him a moment longer then laughed, " Oh Jeanboy still as impatient as evea ain't cha? But it be too late too go on over to yo Grammy house, and chu know betta den ta be goin' near Lynn place dis time o' night. Ole Crowfud is out fo dinna' you know dat."

Brad took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. " Fine, but where is everyone going to sleep mama? Your house isn't-"

" Chu kin have yo ole rum Jeanboy," she said absently scanning over the group before her, " Chu." She said pointing at Schuldig, " Chu kin share da bed with Jeanboy, da lil un can have Lynn ole room-"

" But-"

" It'd be better if Farfarello were in the room with me." Brad said lightly.

Fanny arched a brow, " O'?"

Clearing his throat he put his glasses back on and met his mother's eyes, " Remember crazy cousin Henry?"

" The boy yo ant kep dat dog muzzle on dat used ta like ta chew on newts? "

" That'd be the one..." Brad nodded then pointedly looked at Farfarello...who was currently licking the hook.

" Ahhhh…."

" We don't leave Nagi alone with Farfarello if we can mama."

" Ah see."

* * *


Brad stood beside his mother in the canoe resting his foot on the lip of it, with the easy balance of one whose done it their entire life. Looking up at the neatly maintained cabin. Lynn's cabin, his cabin now.

Then came the anger, " You called me back for a fucking shack on the bayou?!"

Fanny smacked him, " No, ah called chu back ta ahna yo sista's wishes."

Brad arched a brow, " And what-" A flash cut across his vision, and he nearly fell out of the boat. " No…no….NO!"

Fanny looked at him strangely, " Chu havein' da site Jeanboy?"

Brad didn't seem to hear her at all rather he stared at his mother with terror and revulsion, " You can't seriously expect me t-"

" Ah do, and chu will."

" But-"

" Jamie! Pierre! Skunk! Poleina! Annie! Mark! Sally Mae bring Bobbi Sue!"

Seven children trooped out of the house in a single file line, each one slightly shorter than the next. The last one couldn't have been more than two, but she had a very healthy looking baby balanced on her hip.

The children were filthy, with eyes varying from leaf green to chocolate brown, all fixed on Brad with curiosity.

Brad stared horrified.

" Dis chea is Lynn and Rafe's cherin', she left chu everthin she got, her house, her boat, her rings-"

" And apparently her children." Schuldig snickered in Japanese.

Brad was still staring at them floored.

Schuldig found he was rather enjoying himself now…despite the raw red and purple bruise around his neck…

" Since chu gon be stayin' chea fo a whil chu ned ta go get settled in." Fanny said, giving Brad a shove onto the porch.

The children stepped back their eyes still glued to him. The tallest boy met Brad's repulsed stare head on.

Schuldig smirked taking in the child's firm stance and steady dark eyes. A predatory sort of intelligence gleaming in them along with something else he couldn't quite place…a quick glance into his mind summed it up in one word.

Ambition. From where Schuldig was standing he looked to have both the intelligence and determination to get it.

His contemplation was cut short by Fanny's less than gentle nudge toward the porch. He went a bit shaky on the unsolid wooden craft. Nagi and Farf followed.


The children's eyes turned towards him instead, then to Fanny who was making her way out next.

Finally one of them spoke, the second smallest girl looked back to Schuldig than to Fanny again, " Grammy Fay? Who dis?"

Fanny smiled indulgently at the little girl, giving Schuldig a hearty thump on the back, " Dis chea is yo uncle Jeanboy's man. He gon be takin care o' chu frum na on."

" My what?!"

" Do what?!"

Fanny glared at both of them, " Cho husband," an annoyed glance at Schuldig, " N, chu gon be a good one ain't chu?"

Two questions with the same answer," NO! I am not sleeping with him!"

Fanny leaned back on her heels and crossed her arms, " Wha was dat?"

Brad retracted, " Er, what I meant to say was. I'm not sleeping with nor do I want to sleep with him."

" And I am not good house-er husband material!"

" Oh? Can't chu cook?"

" No."

" Chu can learn." Can chu clean?"

" No. Where I come from there is this little thing called maid service! Look at these hands!"

Fanny glanced down quickly then shrugged, " Chu can learn. Can chu change uh diaper?"

" No! I hate babies!"

" Babies hurt god."

" Shut up Farfarello!"

" Chu can learn." Fanny replied again.

Schuldig twitched and threw a frantic thought at Brad, ' DO SOMETHING! I am NOT the domestic type!'

' Well no shit.' Came the dry sarcastic reply.

' What is that supposed to mean?'

" Mama-"

' What is what supposed to mean?'

' Well no shit? '

' I was agreeing with you Schuldig don't make a big deal out of nothing.'

" Dat's enough o' dat cherin' say hello and tell yo unkle yo names."

' It is not nothing! You don't think I can do it do you?'

The children shifted nervously then finally the hard eyed boy stepped forward, and lifted his hand. " Jamie Jeremy Le Bue."

Brad smiled and took the hand sending with a good dose of vindictiveness to Schuldig, ' I know you can't do it. Other than your first five years on this earth, you've spent most of your life as a pampered only child!…That reminds me your mumkins called he wants you to visit sometime soon. He says that your daddy is being an absolute bastard and they miss you.'

Schuldig winced.

" Jamie? Is that your real name?" Brad asked the boy smoothly ignoring the German.

Shaking his head Jamie took his hand back, " No sir it's James. James Jeremy Le Bue."

" Do you like that name?"

" Yes sir."

" Then that's what I'll call you."

A slightly lanky boy peered up at him with glowing green eyes, " Pierre!"

Brad winced at the child's boisterous tone, " Pierre what?"

" Pierre Raoul Le Bue, but I don't like Raoul or Le Bue so I'm just Pierre!"

" Wha ah don' tol chu 'bout dat Pierre?"

Pierre shrugged, " If Jamie can be James. Why can't I just be Pierre?"

Schuldig had to admire the child, he was bold.

Fanny just rolled her eyes, " Should have drowned chu when chu was born. Stubborn wilful lil shit."

Pierre blinked wide green eyes at her then shrugged and wandered away towards the boy sitting by himself in the corner of the porch.


Schuldig decided he liked him.

A nervous brown eyed youth with a silver streak down the middle of his hair was shoved forward, his eyes scanned over everyone quickly, Schuldig felt a small prickle slip through his shields, and a feeling akin to fingers passing gently over his brain. It was gone too quickly for him to grasp it.

" Skunk Le Bue no other name." He whispered backing towards his siblings. There was a fear in his eyes where bashfulness had only been before.

Schuldig frowned but before he could think on it more, a thin pinched faced girl stepped forward, she would have been pretty if it wasn't for that sour scowl on her face.

" Poleina Marie Le Bue. Ahm 10 years old and getting' married next June to Joe Guntree." She said proudly. " He built us uh house on de solid ground and we gon get us a washin' machine."

' Oooh a washing machine. Big spender he is….' Schuldig sent.

Nagi coughed.


"…That's nice." Brad said obviously relieved he was getting rid of one of them.

Though married at 10?!

A blushing black haired girl strode forward next, her hair was pulled into two heavy plaits on either side of her head. Both hung down almost to her knees. She raised eyes the exact color of his to the frowning american and Schuldig fell in love. Pierre he liked cute spunky and a budding smartass. This little girl was none of that…

" Annie-Anya Fae Le Bue." She said softly, " I'm nine I don't have a fiancé probably never will, but I know how to cook, clean, and sew…so I can help with that…" she said casting a nervous hopeful glance at Schuldig.

Schuldig smiled, yes he liked this one…and the fact that she looked so much like a cross between Brad and himself had nothing to do with it! Damnit he did not want Brad!


The boy sitting on the porch finally spoke up, " Mark." He said blandly pushing a toy duck around. He stopped after a second and turned bored dark brown eyes onto Schuldig, " I'm sorry Great grandmama." He said.

Schuldig blinked and took a peek at the boy's mind, he pulled back sharply the chill inside the boy's head had been searing what the hell was-

Finally the last little girl bounded towards Schuldig and held up the infant to him.

He looked at it like it was a rotting maggot ridden corpse.

' Take the baby Schuldig.' Brad said into his head a gentle tinge of satisfaction in his voice.

' I hate you.' Schuldig thought back, taking the squirming child from the little girl.

She laughed then ran at Brad latching herself onto his legs, saying something in French that Schuldig didn't understand.

Brad arched a brow, and spoke to her in that language as well before scooping her up.

" Sally Ann is already in school." Anya said next to Schuldig reaching up for the baby, Schuldig let it go gratefully.

" Really?"

" Yeah. She's really smart, she can speak English, French, and German…when Uncle Jacque said that Uncle Jeanboy was in Japan she wanted to start learning Japanese…but no one here knows it."

" Aa…" Schuldig replied, and what about you?"

" I don't speak nothing but English."

" Do you want to learn something new?"

The girl's blush deepened, " I-"

" Annie go show Sch-whatever 'is name is wear everthin' is." Fanny said sharply.

Annie nodded, and grabbed Schuldig's wrist, then demonstrating strength not beguiled by her small frame dragged him into the house…where his true hell began.

* * *

Authors note: I know I know -_-;

Going Home

Warnings: Erm- I'm trying to rush this along really I am!



~*~
Day 2…



Schuldig dragged himself up out of the muddy disgusting water, coughing up even more of the muddy disgusting water…he cast a burning a look towards the fat green reptile (gator) lounging lazily on the porch before turning to the brat that shoved him-again." Okay children-" he bit the word out like a curse, " Pushing me off the porch wasn't funny the FIRST time you did it…it's not funny NOW. I suggest you not do it AGAIN! Got me?"

The boy laughed and danced about the porch, " Eh Pierre yer unkle tinks he kin-"

Before the kid finished his statement Schuldig had him around the throat and was holding his head underwater…

" Uncle Brad! Schuldig's going to kill the Johnson kid!" Pierre called out.

" You like that you little turd!!"

Brad glanced up from the net he was mending, shrugged and got back to work. Loop cross hook…loop cross hook-

" UNCLE JEANBOY!!! He's gonna kill him!"

Brad shrugged again, "Yep."

" Do something!"

"DIE!" then it tranfered to german from there….Sally's eyes widen.

"… Nope." Loop cross hook…



!!!
Day 3

Schuldig groaned as he was unceremoniously shoved off the bed to the splinter-ridden floor below.

" BRAD!"

" Get up it's already 3." Was his terse reply.

Schuldig blinked and looked out the still darkened window. " 3 what? "

Brad grinned maliciously, " 3 am." He said, pulling on his flannel. " The day starts early in the swamp. You need to feed the kids-which means get off your ass and cook-get them ready for school-don't forget to feed Milly too goats milk will have to do-then you can start on the chores-"


" What chores?!"

Schuldig decided he didn't like the twinkle in Brad's eye at all, " The woman folk work, you know. Cleaning, cooking, sewing, laundry, feedin' the chickens-"

" You have chickens? WHERE THE HELL WOULD YOU KEEP CHICKENS?"

Brad ignored his outburst continuing almost cheerfully as he sat on the edge of the bed. Tugging on a pair of boots. " Mama's doing patchwork today she'll show you how -And don't forget to throw a slab of meat out for old Crawford-oh that reminds me. Summon Nagi and Fafarello for me-my father is back and wishes to take 'the boys' on a little huntin' trip."

" Do I look like the phone company?! And stop ignoring me!"

Brad ignored him, stomping once he rose from the bed, " And don't forge-"

Pulling himself up from the floor Schuldig glowered at the man before him, " Brad when are we getting out of here?"

Brad sighed having been assaulted with that question many times already, " I told you as soon as Nagi makes arrangements for them-somewhere. At this point he's gotten Skunk and Mark signed into West Point. He's looking for some artsy school to stuff Pierre in, though I think a good old fashion Catholic penitentiary would be good enough for the little anti-christ- Poleina IS going to Saint Catherine's Catholic school in Burbank if she wants to or not-Sally is going to Crest school for the enormously gifted in New York. Anya will go wherever Nagi can hack an opening. For that loud baby creature the first nanny willing to take the job until it's old enough to go to school as well- and shit you're making me late! NAGI FARFARELLO let's go!" he called walking out of the little bedroom.

Schuldig followed him glowering and picking a splinter out of his hand. " Wait a minute what about James?"

Brad shrugged, " He's coming back to Japan with us I've already signed him up for-."

" What?!! No way! Brad junior is NOT coming to live with us!"

Brad turned on him with a glare," It wasn't a request."

" And your point?"

" He's coming that's final."

Schuldig smirked, " Fine. If he's coming Anya's coming."

" Fine."

" Fine…that was way too easy."

Brad just smirked.

!!!

Day 4

Schuldig looked down at what he was wearing and considering crying his shriveled little black heart out-how low he had sunk-resorting to- DAISIES! But his clothing-if you could call it that had met with Pierre and one of his experiments- yanking the dress up Schuldig growled softly- he was stuck wearing one of Brad's sister's outfits until he could get something else-she apparently was a HUGE woman.

" Schuldig I'm hungry! What's for lunch?"

Schuldig looked down at the big-eyed child before him what was her name Sally-something, " Do I look like Annie to you? Go away!"

The child stood firm, " But I'm hungry! Why aren't you cooking anything?! Momm-"

" I'm not your fuckin' mommy! Your mommy was killed by your stupid redneck white trash father!"

Her eyes filled with tears.

Schuldig growled stormed over to the table grabbed a snickers and a cigarette, tossed it to the little girl. Then stormed out of the house-and was greeted by the sight of a large tin bowl with some funny looking board sticking out of it- a pile of clothes on one side-and Brad's glaring insane mother on the other.

" Bout tyme chu got up. Com on na chu got work to do before the menfolk get back."

" I am menfolk." He hissed.

Fanny shook her head, and tossed a cake of cheap looking soap to him, " Get ta cleanin'." She said tilting her head towards the clothes.

Schuldig looked at her blankly.

" Well?"

" With what?"

" With da tub o' course ya silly bastid-ain't chu neva done da laundry bafo?"

Schuldig looked at the tub, " I'm supposed to clean-with THAT?!"

" Oui."

Schuldig twitched, " Where is Nagi and Farf?"

~*~*~

Nagi sat shoulder to shoulder with Farfarello in the middle of the boat, the psycho was currently mourning the lost of 'hookie' which Brad had confiscated and tucked in his belt.

Currently Brad, Jacque, and another older man that they both called 'papaw' were speaking rapidly in some mutilated version of French-leaving them out of the conversation completely.

Finally Brad said something that made Jacque try to launch himself from his boat to theirs. Screaming in their language all the way.

Papaw stopped him cold with a hand on his shoulder, then he turned mud brown eyes onto Brad-and spoke calmly and evenly.

Then Brad spoke the only word he'd understood the entire conversation, " Oui."

" Nagi." Brad turned on him with a glare, " Get over here you're going to help."

" Help?" he asked skeptically, rising from his place all the same-perhaps he shouldn't' have.

" Yep."

Papaw looked at him with a reassuring smile-with just a slight mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

*~*~*


Schuldig was not happy. Not happy at all. Matter of fact he couldn't remember ever being this unhappy in a long time. Looking down at his chapped and reddened hands he sniffed miserably he hated this fuckin'-

"Schuldig?"

Glancing up angrily his glare faded at the sight of Anya, " Anya."

The timid little girl stepped forward cautiously a slightly strained smile on her lips.

Schuldig was moved to do something he'd never done in his life, " Anya? What's wrong?" he asked.

The girl kept up her smile for all of five seconds before she broke into a sob and threw herself at the rumpled-tired raw handed assassin, crying against his shoulder.

This was new. He sat dumbfounded for all of seven minutes staring at the part in Anya's hair.

" What happened?" he asked again, Anya just cried louder.

A second later Pierre Skunk and James hopped up onto the porch.

" Antoinette Du Pointe is what." Pierre replied hotly. " Took Grammy's necklace."

" Huh? All this for a necklace? I'll buy you a new one-probably more expensive one at that, don't worry about it."

James' jaw tightened," It isn't just that. That lying little whore told the Ms.Garson that Annie stole it from her-"

" And when Annie denied it, and said she got it from Grammy. Ms. Garson called her a liar, slapped her and made her give it to Antoinette." Skunk added.

" You should have seen the smug look on her face- I know she only did it 'cause Anya dun betta den hur in choir-n because of Jean-Paul Bennett- "

Schuldig arched a brow, he could almost feel the heat radiating from Anya's face. " Who?"


James growled, " That slimy little richboy still talkin' to you Anya? I told him I'd kill him if he evea-"

Schuldig smirked, ah the protective (possessive) older brother- " Did you know you get an accent when you get angry James?"

James frowned, " Ah-I don't like him that's all and I want him to stay the hell away from Annie-he's trouble."

With a sigh Schuldig patted Anya on the head. " Don't worry about it-Anya's got a good head on her shoulders-and a crazy uncle with good connections and better aim." Schuldig said lightly.

The children looked at him confused.


"Well does anyone know where bitch Du Pointe lives?" He asked.

James frowned, " Yes. She lives in town -everyone knows where her house is. It's the biggest one around…" he answered looking at Schuldig wearily. " Why?"

Schuldig gave Anya's head another pat and pushed her away. " Go get cleaned up kids we're going out." He said with a smirk, then reached for Nagi-and promptly got slapped in the face (mind) with a paralyzing dose of fear anger and disbelief. He decided it could wait…. " Come along James…"


~*~*~*~*~

Brad returned that afternoon with an unusually happy Farfarello, and an extremely shaken Nagi-it might or might not have something to do with the dead six foot gator being dragged behind his boat-or maybe it was seven footer attached to Jacque's boat.

"Hoo' wei dey shou was skippin' fo ah taste o boy o yours Jeanboy." Jacque said with a laugh.

Nagi turned a glare on him that would have melted ice-and he was sure it wasn't his imagination that the boat skittered back a few inches.

Schuldig would get that story later-but right now." Brad we need to go sign Nagi up for school."

Brad arched a brow," We do?."

Nagi brightened.

" Yes we do." He fixed Brad with a ' I feel like giving someone else shit today' grin.

' All right I'll bite what's up?'

' Some local hick rich bitch stole Anya's necklace. My day sucked and I want someone to suffer more than me-oh that reminds me-Nagi?'

' ?'

' Feel up to destroying a family's future?'

'…if I do will you make sure Brad won't let his nutball inbreed family use me as 'gator bait' again?'

' WHAT?! BRAD! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! ENDANGERING OUR COMPUTER EXPERT IN BUTT FUCK TENNESSEE! THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL WE'D BE ABLE TO REPLACE HIM BEFORE WE GOT BACK TO JAPAN! '

' Gee…thanks.'

Brad had turned towards the gator and was cutting it loose from the boat, he spoke in rapid hybrid french to his father and brother as he did so, then mumbled, " Fine Schuldig let's go." Then added mentally, ' You can't last three days without ruining someone's life can you?'

' Hey! Someone stole from your niece, then had her humiliated in front of her entire class you're going to let someone get away with that?' Schuldig asked slyly.

Brad finished cutting the rope, Jacque had moved close enough to grab hold of it. ' You've never done anything out of the goodness of your heart in your entire fucking life Schuldig-but alright get in the boat.' " Annie come on you too. Pol you're cooking tonight. Everyone else stay out of your sisters way."

Schuldig rolled his eyes and climbed into the boat, followed closely by Anya….

~*~

A/N: I'd like to thank everyone who is actually reading this!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

In  about 5 hours they were all rolling toward 1564 Pine Lane in the rented suburban. Anya sporting one of the new dresses Schuldig had insisted on stopping and buying for her.  

 

“ Mara Jane Du Pointe age 29, husband Robert S. Du Pointe age 43, 1564 Pine Lane.  Credit excellent, bank accounts—“ Nagi whistled. “ Nice… let’s make a few adjustments.”

 

Anya sat beside him wide-eyed, watching the numbers flash across the screen. “ You can do that?” she asked.

 

Nagi glanced at her out of the corner of his eye and nodded. “ Yes.” Then went back to what he was doing.

 

“ Be so kind as to set up and account or two on the side for the kids will you Nagi?” Brad asked, “ They have uniforms to buy you know, and supplies, and tu-well you can take care of that can’t you?”

 

Nagi huffed, “ Don’t insult me.”

 

Brad laughed, “ I’d never dream of it.”

 

“ That’s it!” Anya called pointing towards a large stone house.  You couldn’t have missed it considering the giant golden plaque across the front that read ‘ DuPointe manor.

 

“ Nagi stay in the car, Anya Schuldig come with me please.”

 

Nagi grunted lost inside the web.

 

Brad almost pitied them, by the time Nagi was finished they’d probably be lucky to keep their house.

 

They’d barely reached the gate when a whipcord thin woman dressed in a maid’s uniform rushed out to greet them.

 

She took in the starched white Armani Brad wore, and the slightly—more eccentric yellow suit Schuldig had donned to match his bandana. “ May I help you gentlemen?” she asked.

 

 

Brad arched a brow, then slipped around her, Schuldig held tighter to Anya’s hand and followed suit.  “ I’m here to speak with Ms. Antoinette DuPointe or her parents.”

 

“ I-“

 

“ We’ll wait Schuldig cut in opening the front door, and ushering Anya inside. “ Could we possibly get some drinks please?”

 

The maid blustered for a moment, “ You-can’t-I-Mister-will-he-Mrs.-“

 

“ It’s quite alright Janey.” A woman’s cool voice called from the doorway.

 

Bradley smirked,  “Lola…so nice to see you again.”

 

Her smile seemed to be painted on, “ Jonboy much the same.”

 

“ Fair enough.”

 

Schuldig looked from one to the other—he barely brushed across her mind, and felt himself repelled.  She immediately turned to glower at him.

 

“ And I see you’ve brought a friend along…two friends.” She looked firmly down her nose at Schuldig—he still wasn’t sure how she managed it considering she was a good half  a foot shorter than him.

 

“Lo-oh terribly sorry.  Mara.” Okay Bradley’s tone was a little bit more than mocking. “ Let’s not waste each other’s time-“

 

“ As I’m sure your time is very valuable.”  Her tone was acid.

 

“ Where is Anya’s necklace…”

 

Mara snorted,  and put her hand in her pocket, “ Oh that thing—is that all you wanted?” she shrugged.  “Antoinette told me that she bought it from Gernalds…”

 

“ And you believed her?”  Schuldig asked.

 

“ Of course not, Gernalds would never sell something this—cheap.” Manicured red nails reappeared clutched around a gold chain. 

 

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Mandamango@yahoo.com