Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-gi-Oh or even the fairytale I’m ripping off—much of the original text of the goosegirl is still there….usually the really lame lines that I really liked.
Warning: The fact that I wrote it? Isn’t that enough? A little shounen-ai and a whole lot of crazy, almost funny stuff.
An old queen—lets just call him Malik—because that's his name-- whose husband had been dead some years, had a beautiful daughter let's call him Yugi with indistinguishable colored hair that trailed down his back (Yugi: I have a complaint!) . When he grew up, he was betrothed to a prince who lived a great way off something that Yugi was very pleased about considering his mother was a bit nutty, and determined that he was a girl….anyway and as the time drew near for him to be married, he got ready to set off on his journey to the prince's country--eagerly.
Then the queen—'his mother' packed up a great many costly things; jewels, and gold, and silver; trinkets, fine dresses, various poisons, moldy food, a dead rat, the severed head of his father, that he'd been forced to sleep with his entire life--and in short every thing that became a royal bride; for he loved his child very dearly: and he gave him a waiting-maid to ride with him, and gave him into the bridegroom's hands; and each had a horse for the journey. Now the "princess's" horse was called Gaia, and could speak.
When the time came for them to set out, the old queen went into her bed-chamber, and took a little knife, and cut off a lock of her hair,--(actually what happened was the queen was attempting to carve an image of his 'beloved'Yugi into his arm, but was stopped by several armed 'ladies in waiting' who then proceeded to tie him down to the bed.) and gave it to his 'daughter', and said,
"'Take care of it, dear child; for it is a charm that may be of use to you on the road. " he said gesturing with his chin (tied up remember) towards the little bundle of hair—and a razor coated with something rust colored and flaky…
Yugi looked at it skeptically for a moment, then remembering his 'mother' was a hamburger and fry short of a happy meal. Took the hair and more carefully the razor. Then they took a sorrowful leave of each other--kinda, and the 'princess' put the lock of his mother's hair into his bos-er pocket, got upon his horse, and set off on his journey to his bridegroom's kingdom.
One day, as they were riding along by the side of a brook, the princess began to feel very thirsty, and said to his maid, "Pray get down and fetch me some water in my golden cup out of yonder brook, for I want to drink…please."
Rebecca scowled at Yugi and clutched her teddy bear tight, 'Nay,' said the maid, 'if you are thirsty, get down yourself, and lie down by the water and drink; I shall not be your waiting-maid any longer. Isn't that right teddy?! Yeah!'"
Yugi looked at his maid, hurt, and a little worried that his mother had chosen someone crazier than he was to escort him…but he was so thirsty that he got down, and knelt over the little brook, and drank, for he was frightened, and dared not bring out his golden cup; and then he wept (obviously fake and badly), and said, "Alas! What will become of me?" And the lock of hair answered him,
'Alas! alas! If thy mother knew it, Sadly, sadly his heart would rue it…. Then rip that miserable little twits head off with his bare hands and-'
ERK—UM BUT the princess was very humble and meek, so he said nothing to her maid's ill behavior, but got upon her horse again. Then all rode farther on their journey, till the day grew so warm, and the sun so scorching, that the bride began to feel very thirsty again; and at last when they came to a river he forgot his maid's rude speech, and said, "'Pray get down and fetch me some water to drink in my golden cup."
But the maid answered him, and even spoke more haughtily than before, "Drink if you will, but I shall not be your waiting-maid. Right teddy? RIGHT! Whose the bestest of the bestest?! Rebecca of course!!!" insert creepy annoying Rini-esque giggling.
The large triangular puzzle that the Princess Yugi always wore began to glow…which is BAD for the story—what a surprise it suddenly stopped. Moving onward.
Then the princess -- was so thirsty that he got off his horse, and lay down, and held his head over the running stream, and cried, and said, "'What will become of me?" And the lock of hair answered her again,
'Alas! alas! If thy mother knew it, The bitch's ass would be his! Damnit she's gonna die!! Die you hear me DIE!!!!'
Er--and as he leaned down to drink, the lock of hair fell from his pocket—well technically thrown away because the fact hair could carry on a ranting session just as violently as his mother, was beginning to frighten little Yugi, and floated away with the water. Without his seeing it, he was so frightened -_-;(that line was in the book okay). But his maid saw it, and was very glad, for she knew the charm, and saw that the poor 'bride' would be in her power, now that he had lost the hair.
So when the bride had done, and would have got upon Gaia again, the maid said, " Teddy and I shall ride upon Gaia, and you may have my horse instead."
So he was forced to give up his horse, and soon afterwards to take off his royal clothes, and put on his maid's shabby ones.
At last, as they drew near the end of their journey, this treacherous servant threatened to kill her mistress if he ever told any one what had happened. But Gaia saw it all, and marked it well. Then the waiting maid got upon Gaia, and the real bride was set upon the other horse, and they went on in this way till at last they came to the royal court.
There was great joy at their coming, and the prince flew to meet them, and dragged--did I say dragged? I meant lifted( yeah lifted Prince Seto would never grab a princess by the wrist and drag them off the horse and up the stairs -_-;;) the maid from her horse, thinking she was the one who was to be his wife; and she was led up stairs to the royal chamber, giggling happily and clutching her teddy. But the true 'princess' (Yugi: -_-;) was told to stay in the court below.
But the old king happened to be looking out of the window, and saw him in the yard below; and as he looked very pretty, and too delicate for a waiting-maid, he went into the royal chamber to ask the bride who it was she had brought with her, that was thus left standing in the court below.
"'Hm? Oh teddy and I brought him with us for the sake of his company on the road,'" said she; "'Pray give the gir-erwhatever some work to do, that he may not be idle.' "
The old king—let's call him Pegasus (Pegasus: Yea! I get a part! I get a part!)could not for some time think of any work for him to do; but at last he said, "I have a lad who takes care of my geese; he may go and help him."
Now the name of this lad, that the real bride was to help in watching the king's geese, was Joey.
" Oooh that sounds good doesn't it teddy?" Rini-I mean Rebecca giggled. Soon after, the false bride said to the sullen Prince Kaiba—did I say sullen? I meant happy and loving and yeah—anyway she said, "Dear husband, pray do me one piece of kindness."
" I'm marrying you and paying your family a ridiculous amount of money to do so isn't that enough?" Kaiba glared hard at her--unblinking face, but managed to grind out a civil, " That I will."
"Then tell one of your slaughterers to cut off the head of the horse teddy and I rode upon, for it was very unruly, and plagued us sadly on the road. Isn't that right teddy?"
But the truth was, she was very much afraid lest Gaia should speak, and tell all she had done to the 'princess'. She carried her point, and the faithful Gaia was killed: but when the true 'princess' heard of it, he wept, and begged the man to nail up Gaia's head against a large dark gate of the city, through which she had to pass every morning and evening, that there she might still see him sometimes. The princess thought this was a very simple and logical request considering that he slept with the severed head of his father his entire life...
The slaughter however thought that the request was more than a wee bit morbid, but screw it, Yugi was cute, and kinda creepy when that triangle thingie he had on started glowing like that—and wow did he get taller—and evil looking…
Then the slaughterer said he would do as he wished; and cut off the head, and nailed it fast under the dark gate. Early the next morning, as Yugi and Joey went out through the gate, he said sorrowfully,
'Gaia, Gaia, there thou art hanging!'
'Bride, bride, there thou art ganging! Alas! alas! if thy mother knew it, Sadly, sadly her heart would rue it. Then hunt that bitch down and remove her entrails with his fingernails then--'
Yugi hurried through the gate, he wondered if it was something in the water, that made everyone a little crazy where he came from. Then they went out of the city, and drove the geese on. And when he came to the meadow, he sat down upon a bank there, and well um let down his waving locks of hair, which were all of pure—purplish-red-brown something; with long locks of gold shot through it like lightening and when Joey saw it glitter in the sun, he ran up, and would have pulled some of the locks out; but Yugi cried—or rather a much deeper voice that seemed to be coming from Yugi cried:
"Dark Magician dark magic attack!!! Run Joey off till I'm done then run him back!"
Then there came a wind followed by a large man in a weird purple outfit…he pointed his staff at Joey and smirked before sending a tiny black blast at him--; and away Joey flew (ran) over the hills, and the magician after him laughing darkly... when Yugi came near to finishing his hair the magician herded Joey back towards where Yugi sat--and put him up again safe.
Then Joey was very angry and sulky—not to mention extremely frightened, and would not speak to Yugi at all; but they watched the geese until it grew dark in the evening, and then drove them homewards.
The next morning, as they were going through the dark gate, the poor boy looked up at Gaia's head, and cried, because he obviously enjoyed talking to severed heads…or he was as touched as his mother…and perhaps missed his mad rants from time to time.
'Gaia, Gaia, there thou art hanging!' and it answered,
'Bride, bride, there thou art ganging! Alas! alas! If thy mother knew it, Sadly, sadly his heart would rue it Then rip the spleen from the insufferable whore's body and have it sautéed' up with--.'
Yugi QUICKLY drove on the geese, and sat down again in the meadow, and began to comb out his hair as before; and Joey ran up to him, and wanted to take hold of it; but a voice much deeper than his usual cried out quickly:
"Dark Magician dark magic attack!!! Run Joey off till I'm done then run him back!"
Then the magician came again, a smug grin on his face—Joey turned a very disturbing shade of blue with fear, and took off over the hills—the magician in hot pursuit-- and when he came back this time without the magician,
Yugi had done up his hair again, and all was safe. So they watched the geese till it grew dark. In the evening, after they came home, Joey went to old king Pegasus, and said, "I can-not, have that strange guy to help me to keep the geese any longer!"
"Why not Joey kit(Feintuch moment Feintuch moment!)--erboy?" said the king.
"'Because he's a freakin' weirdo, does nothing-- but tease me all day long!—Oh yeah and keeps trying to KILL me!"
Then the king made him tell him all that had passed,
And Joey said, "When we go in the morning through the dark gate with our flock of geese, he cries, and talks with the head of a horse that hangs upon the wall, a freakin' HORSE that's DEAD already and says,
Joey mimics Yugi, "Gaia, there thou art hanging!" and the head answers. Joey mimics horse,” Bride, bride, there thou art ganging! Alas! alas! if thy mother knew it. Sadly, sadly her heart would rue it, then goes on with a whole lot of violent crap. But he runs off before it finishes a lot…"
And Joey went on telling the king what had happened upon the meadow where the geese fed;. and how he would call some guy in a funnel hat, and a staff would try to kill him, and make him leave his flock. But the old king told him to go out again as usual the next day; and when morning came, he placed himself behind the dark gate, and heard how Yugi spoke to Gaia, and how Gaia answered; and then he went into the field, and hid himself in a bush by the meadow's side, and soon saw with his own eyes how they drove the flock of geese, and how, after a little time, Yugi let down his hair that glittered in the sun; and then he heard him say,
"Dark Magician dark magic attack!!! Run Joey off till I'm done then run him back!"
And soon came a gale of wind and a man in tall funnel hat laughing like a lunatic—Joey took off before he could even start shooting, while Yugi went on combing and curling his hair. All this the old king saw: so he went home without being seen; and when the little goose--boy came back in the evening, he called him aside, and asked him why he did so; but he burst into tears, and said,
"That I must not tell you or any man, or I shall lose my life."
But the old king begged so hard, that he had no peace till Yugi had told him all, word for word: and it was very lucky for him that he did so, for the king ordered royal clothes to be put upon him, and gazed on him with wonder he was so beautiful--even glowering like that--with his teeth clenched--his nostrils flaring...erm okay.
Then he called his (sullen and Prozac-challenged) son, and told him that he had only the false bride; for that she was merely a waiting-maid, while the true one stood by. And the young prince rejoiced (actually it was more of a lightening of the scowl) when he saw her-er his beauty, and heard how meek and patient he had been; " I don't have to pay the family again? Does he talk to a freakin' teddy bear? Is he going to need a new wardrobe? This marriage crap is EXPENSIVE! How did this take place in the first place? Why the hell are you so weak-" the prince shut up immediately at the glow coming from the 'princesses' triangle. The prince ordered a feast...
That evening the bridegroom sat at the top table, with the false princess on one side, and the true one on he other; but nobody knew her, for he was quite dazzling to their eyes, and was not at all like the little goose-girl, now that she had her brilliant--blinding pink diamond encrusted dress that literally illuminated the entire room in a gentle hue of rose sparkling rose pink...
When they had eaten and drank, and were very merry, the old king told all the story, as one that he had once heard of, and asked the true waiting-maid what she thought ought to be done to any one who would behave thus.
"Nothing better," said this false bride, "Than that she should be thrown into a cask stuck round with sharp nails, and that two white horses should be put to it, and should drag it from street to street till she is dead. Ouch that sounds like it hurts huh teddy?"
"Thou art she!", said the old king with an evil slightly insane laugh, "And since thou hast judged thyself, it shall be so done to thee."
And the young Prince was married to his true 'wife' (Kaiba: yea.), and they reigned over the kingdom in peace, frugalness, and happiness all their lives.
Peace and happiness throughout the kingdom -_-;; the immediate household itself is well a different story...
Kaiba: The head--heads go! Damnit that talking *&)(&) horse head is not staying inside this castle!
Yugi: Why not? I don't complain about your 'singing fish', besides Gaia is a dear friend of mine...and do you truly expect me to just dump my father into some corner somewhere?
Kaiba: The fish is not the issue, and it's not REAL! No...I don't expect you to shove your father's head in a corner...I expect you to bury him like a NORMAL person! I swear your whole family is crazy!
Yugi: We are not! Besides I can't do that! What would I tell my mother?
Kaiba: Nothing! He lives on the other side of the freakin' country! How would he know anyway?
Yugi: Oh didn't I tell you?
Kaiba:...tell me what?
Yugi: My mother is coming to live with us! He just misses me terribly!
Kaiba: No. Absolutely not. No. No. NO! If he moves in. I'm moving OUT period.
Yugi: Okay. I'll miss you.
Kaiba: GRRRRRRRR what's that supposed to mean?!
Yugi: You said if my mother is coming you're going, my mother is on his way...goodbye.
Kaiba: You are supposed to side with me.
Yugi: Why?
Kaiba: Because it's MY kingdom damnit!!!
Yugi: Details. Details, and it's OUR kingdom mister. We're a couple, there's no I in couple.
Kaiba: But there is a 'u'
Yugi: Huh?
Kaiba: as in I will not go along with what 'u' want.
Yugi: Oh that was lame!