Back in New York, Kermit finished reading the postcards from Gonzo in Michigan and Fozzie in Maine and Dr. Teeth and the gang in Pennsylvania.
"Gee, Kermit, you look worried," Jenny remarked.
"Still no word from Piggy," Kermit said, shaking his head. He sighed a deep, sad sigh. "If I could only sell the show," he said, looking very glum.
"Of course you will!" Jenny reassured him. Then she gave Kermit a hug.
Across the street Piggy was watching through binoculars. Did she realize that Jenny was hugging Kermit just to cheer him up? Did she like what she saw? Judging from the terrible, bloodcurdling scream and the smashing, crashing sound of pure pig fury that came from her direction, the answer would have to be no to both questions.
"What's all that noise?" asked Kermit.
"It's just New York," answered Rizzo with a shrug.
"Oh. Sure. Noisy town," commented Kermit. Then he said, "Jenny, I'm going to need your help with my costume. And Rizzo, you and the rats have a very important role to play tomorrow too." His friends drew closer, and Kermit gave them their instructions.
The next day an extremely elegant frog strolled into Sardi's at lunchtime. In his fancy fedora and fancy coat Kermit looked as important as anyone in the place, which was famous for being full of important people. He smiled graciously at the waiter who seated him.
As soon as the waiter turned away, Kermit quickly removed the photograph of the celebrity hanging on the wall behind him. Then he hung a picture of himself on the wall in its place.
Next he opened his coat, still smiling graciously, and Rizzo and the rats scurried out. They slid down the chair and ran under tables throughout the room. Then, at a signal from Kermit, they began to whisper. "Say, isn't that the rich producer Kermit the Frog?" one rat whispered, making sure that he was heard over the background noise of dishes and silverware and conversation. "It's him! The one who's investing in 'Manhattan Melodies,'" another hissed loudly.
"So that's the producer I've been hearing about recently," one diner remarked.
"'Manhattan Melodies,'" a woman at the next table said to her husband. "Isn't that the new hit musical everyone's been talking about?" Heads turned to look at Kermit, who sat calmly under his picture, looking very much like a frog who was used to being looked at.
In minutes the whole room was buzzing with people talking about Kermit. The plan was working like a dream. Just then Vincent, the owner, came by, showing a famous celebrity to her table. "Vincent!" she cried seeing Kermit's picture where hers used to be. "Did I so something wrong?"
It was at that very moment that Rizzo decided he was too hungry to last another second without a nibble. The other rats, who were also getting pretty hungry, followed him. Suddenly-in about the time it takes to scream "RATS!!!"-the whole place was turned upside down. Terrified diners jumped up on their chairs and went running for the exits, crashing into waiters and other diners. The rats were so frightened by all the noise and excitement that they jumped up on the tables too. Soon there were rats and veal chops and trays whizzing all over the place. The only calm person in the room was an elderly gentleman who had fainted with fright and lay underneath his table, out cold.
In the middle of all the madness Vincent spotted the celebrity's picture on the seat next to Kermit. That was all the evidence he needed to link the frog with the riot in his restauant.
The next thing the rats and the ex-famous frog producer knew, they were all out on their seats on the sidewalk.
"That's it!" Kermit said defiantly. He picked himself up, slowly and painfully. "I've learned my lesson-I just can't be a phony anymore!" The rats shrugged, miserable and hungry, as Kermit announced, "I don't know what to do...but I do know what not to do!" Then he limped off, muttering to himself, and the rats followed dejectedly behind him.
The next day at lunchtime Piggy crouched behind a bush in Central Park. She wasn't thinking about lunch, and she certainly wasn't thinking about how pretty the park looked in the sunshine. She was too busy watching Kermit and Jenny, who were setting off on a jog in the park. And what she was thinking was Oh, no, you don't! No one runs off with my frog!
She took off after them, running through the bushes so they wouldn't see her. But even though she was very determined, she just wasn't cut out for leaping around at top speed in his high-heeled shoes. In minutes Piggy was collapsing against a lamppost, panting and gasping for air.
As she stood squinting at Kermit and Jenny in the distance, a hand reached around from behind her. Then it closed around her purse and yanked it away. The thief sprinted off.
"Right!! That does it!!" squealed the enraged Piggy. She turned to a skater sitting nearby. "May I borrow those?" she asked. Without waiting for an answer, she grabbed the skates and strapped them on. Then she took off after the thief, completely forgetting that she was out of breath.
She zoomed past walkers and strollers and skaters and cyclists. Meanwhile the thief had ducked behind a rock to empty Piggy's purse. He took out bonbons and binoculars but couldn't find any money. Then he took out a hair dryer and makeup and four or five pictures of Kermit. Still no money. He was just taking out nine or ten fashion magazines when a terrifying scream split the air. Piggy came skating off the rocks above him at fantastic speed on the thief with awesome force and a bloodcurdling shriek.
A policeman came running up to arrest the extremely surprised and extremely flattened criminal. Kermit and Jenny came jogging up behind him. "You're supposed to be out of town!" Kermit cried, astonished. "What are you doing in New York?"
Piggy sniffed. "I really don't wish to discuss it in present company," she said, looking right at Jenny.
"I'll leave you two alone," Jenny said, and slipped quietly away.
"Vous is certainly looking different," said Piggy. "No shirt cut to the waist, no gold chains to impress a certain young lady."
Kermit was totally taken aback. "Were you spying on me, Piggy?" he asked, outraged. He started to explain that Jenny was just a friend who had been helping him.
Piggy interrupted. "Then what about the huggies?" she asked, her snout in the air.
"We were hugging because we're friends!" Kermit shot back. "Friends hug, but they do not spy!!"
"I spied because I care," Piggy yelled.
"Well, I care too!" Kermit yelled even louder. Then he held up his hand as Piggy was about to reply.
"Wait, wait a minute," he said very quietly to her. "Let's take a break." He called to the driver of a horse-drawn carriage, and they climbed him.
Someone very wise once observed that there is nothing quite like a horse and carriage to turn an angry pig and frog into a pair of lovebirds. And that is exactly what Kermit and Piggy discovered as they rode around Central Park together.
"Oh, Kermy," Piggy cooed blissfully. "Imagine if we'd been teeny babies together, playing together the way teeny babies do."
Kermit thought for a moment. "Uh...actually, Piggy, I think a barnyard animal would have been a little out of place in our swamp." Piggy smiled. "Now just close your eyes and imagine," she commanded gently. "There I am, a teensy weensy little piglet, falling snout over heels in love with the cutest, sweetest little tadpole in the whole wide world."
And the funny thing about it was that Kermit could see it.
"Look...there we are, happy little babies playing with out little baby friends. And planning a wonderful life together. Aren't I completely adorable?" Piggy asked.
Kermit concentrating hard, nodded.
