It wasn't until that morning, a few days earlier, when Rachel had inquired about Lou's health at breakfast, that he had actually taken a good look at Lou. He had been appalled at the changes he had seen in her and knew that it was his fault. He had let his stubborn pride and hurt feelings make his decisions for him, instead of giving Lou the assurance that she had needed. It had taken Rachel's angry outburst over his and Jimmy's terrible behavior to make him rethink his actions of the past few months. That was why he had approached Lou before she had left on her run to Seneca and apologized to her. When she had promised him that they could talk when she returned to the station, his heart had filled with hope.
Things had definitely started looking up. He then had
decided that it was time to start to repair the rift
between him and Jimmy. How could he fault Lou for
turning to Jimmy, their best friend, when he had made
himself unavailable to her? He couldn't recall how
many times over the past few months that Lou had tried
to talk to him and he had chosen to ignore her pleas.
Although Lou had confidence in her riding skills,
marksmanship, and other job related duties, she was
insecure about everything else, especially her
femininity.
Lou hadn't had someone to teach her what being a woman
was all about, the only men she had known before the
express had been extremely cruel and heartless. Lou
had needed a shoulder to cry on and his wasn't
available.
At least that was what he had wanted to believe. It wasn't until the evening that Lou had left on her run to Seneca that he had learned the real truth. He had waited behind for Jimmy to accompany him to the swimming hole outside of town. Jimmy had told him to go on ahead, because he had needed to discuss something with Rachel. He had agreed, but decided to wait for Jimmy in the barn. When a half an hour had passed and Jimmy hadn't appeared, he had become concerned and decided to go to the bunkhouse to see what was keeping him. He had been shocked to hear Jimmy's raised voice reveal to Rachel that he was in love with Lou, just as he reached the bunkhouse door. All thoughts of making peace with Jimmy had fled his mind as he entered the bunkhouse and proceeded to make that awful bet with his fellow rider.
He was relieved to see an improvement in Lou when she had returned two days later. Some of the color had returned to her face and there was aglow in her dark eyes. He had desperately wanted to ask what had made her so happy, but had feared upsetting her. Instead he had told her he would care for Lightning so she wouldn't have to. While doing so he had tried to think up a way of spending some time alone with Lou. He had settled on asking her to go for a ride and had gone to the bunkhouse to ask her before she fell asleep. When he had entered the bunkhouse and seen Jimmy with Lou, he had wanted to tear into him in the worst way. It had been the strange expression that had come over Lou's face that had stopped him.
That very image now appeared before his eyes and he suddenly had the feeling that there was more to Lou's leaving than just their breakup. He wondered if Rachel's innocent question had been closer to the truth than any of them realized. As he recalled how she had reacted to him telling her that he or one of the others would gladly take her ride, a look of panic had flashed over her face. He had only glimpsed it for a second before Lou had jumped down his throat and ran from the bunkhouse. Then the argument with Jimmy had ensued and he hadn't though about the look, until just now. It made him even more worried over Lou's sudden departure than anything he might have said or done to her. Lou would never have left the express unless there was something really wrong with her that she didn't want the others to know about. It made him even more determined to find Lou and make her tell him what was wrong. He wasn't about to let things between them end like this!
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