The Preview Incorporated

Humour

Only In Egypt

Visiting The National Museum

On a visit with my wife to the National Museum in downtown Cairo we decided to see preserved mummies in an air-conditioned room within the Museum. On paying an additional fee and on entering this room we noticed some people expressing their feelings aloud. A guard on duty said, "Please don't talk loudly! Respect the dead!". My wife and me could not help laughing because in the first place these mummies which included Pharaohs were dug out from their eternal resting places (graves) without any respect to be exhibited for money. I believe it would have been more appropriate if the silence code was enforced rather than respect for the dead.

Visiting The Doctor

I took my wife to visit a government doctor and was quite pleased with the treatment. Compared to Sudan, Cairo was a relief. However, when speaking to the doctor about what a good job he did, he gave me a brief history of medicine going back to the Pharaohs and that the Egyptians are leaders in the field of medicine. This upset me, so I asked him where did he get his degree from. He replied, "America!" So I said, "How come if Egypt is the cradle of medicine, you end up in America getting your degree?" There was total silence after this, as if he had been struck by a thunder bolt.

Only In America

A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued....and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires." NOW FOR THE BEST PART... After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine. This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

Only In Sudan

Sudanese have a unique system when it comes to renting houses out to foreigners. They ask for either one year or six months rental in advance. If you find better accommodation and want to leave before the time frame is up your money will not be returned to you because they don't treat it as a deposit.

While studying at the Arabic Language Centre at the Jamiyah Ifrikiyah (African International University) one of the teachers there offered me an apartment of his for rent. I paid him six months advance of US180. The deal was that I would have to pay for the electricity which he (as the landlord living on the upper floor) shared with me.

To make the apartment worthy the landlord purchased a fridge, some metal cots, and mattresses with my advance payment. The gas cooker did not work so he gave me a kerosene burner and told me that would save me electricity. Later on there were water cuts, apparently to reduce his cost. But what was even more perplexing was that while I had to put up with these cuts, he was living upstairs in comfort, enjoying air-conditioning. This was unbelievable, a religious teacher who had spent ten years teaching at an Islamic institution in Mekkah behaving in this manner.

To resolve my problems I had to get the Students Councilor at the university to intervene. Only a Sudanese can handle another Sudanese. Finally it was agreed upon that there should be separate meters for electricity. However, when it was checked out later, this man had sneaked in some wires from his box into mine so as to reduce his electricity bill.

After going through so much I decided to quit the premises after three months. I asked for a refund of my deposit and was told that I paid for six months and if I wanted to leave, well that was up to me, but I would not be receiving any refund as he (the owner) had not asked me to leave. Every foreigner in Sudan faces the same problem of having to pay for advance rental only to be taken for a ride later.

Only In Singapore

Travelling by taxi in Singapore can be quite entertaining. Generally most taxi drivers enjoy engaging a passenger with some idle talk along the journey. On one occasion a cab driver spoke about the high cost of living in Singapore. He then said, "If you have the money go to New Zealand. New Zealand is better than Australia. And if you don't have the money go to Johore Bharu (Malaysia). I could not help laughing.

Only In Malaysia

Having A Deputy Prime Minister

Many years ago when discussing with an Egyptian businessman in Malaysia about the situation between the Prime Minister and His Deputy, Anwar Ibrahim, he replied, "That is why President Mubarak (Egypt) does not have a Deputy". At this we both had a good laugh.

MAS Airlines

On a recent flight from Kota Kinabalu, Sabah back to Kuala Lumpur, during meal time the air-hostess on presenting our flight meal said, "We have two choices, 'chicken with noodles' or 'fish with kway-teow' but the fish with kway-teow is finished". My wife looked at me and I looked at her, while the Dutchman who sat in the third seat said, "Why don't you just tell us that we only have 'chicken with noodles' instead of offering us a choice that does not exist?"

Only In Pakistan

PAN is unique to the Indo-Pak Continent. When I first arrived in Pakistan as a student of Islam, I was amazed to see the wall of a theatre, the side walk etc red in colour. I thought people were spitting out blood until I was told that it is a delicacy, a national hobby and pastime to crew beetle-leaf with all kinds of flavours. Even my religious teachers chewed it. However one day, when discussing Fiqh (Islamic Jurisprudence), my teacher said that smoking was haram (forbidden), so I asked him what about chewing Pan? Of course this rattled him and he did not like it. He said it was o.k..