11/20/02
Observations: Since i am planning on being a psychologist, i do a lot of observation. My father showed up around my college at lunch time and took me to bridgeman's restarant. Needless to say all i had was a rootbeer float. Its around 12:30 or so and we sit down at a booth by the window. I look around and basically everyone around us is over fifty years old! Most were at least seventy. Not only did i feel very young, i started laughing but no one noticed. (perhaps because none of the old ones could hear me) It was mostly old ladies, who actually were sitting alone, except for the two closest to me. Over half were hunched over the table, ice cream treats in front. (i swear every old person had ice cream) And in each of their hands, they held their cups of coffee. Everyone person in that place besides my father and i had a cup of coffe cleanched in their pale wrinkled hands. Each sat staring off into space, slowly raising the coffee to take a drink. I wonder what was on each of their minds. I dread the idea of becoming old, sitting alone in a restarant just waiting for my day to pass so i can see if i awake in the morning to repeat the same steps over and over again. Right now over half the america population is over fifty years old, but old people are living longer now then they used to. I always thought that it was funny how when we are young, most kids want to be older.. and then when you are old, you wish to be young again. Don't get me wrong, i generally don't mind old people except for the ones who are cranky. You wonder how much knowlege a person has gained by old age.. and yet how much of it they probally don't remember. Watching those people in the restarant made me start to imagine myself at an old age.. i cannot image it... probally because i do not want to imagine my skin getting wrinkeled, my bones curving, losing some of my hair!! ahh.. and if i lost my ablility to think and move i would probally lose my will to live as well. Well enough for now.. i'm going to go out dancing and use my legs while i still can.
Friday November 22, 2002
I sit and listen to the low hum of the florencent lights waiting for the clock to reach 8 am so my dreaded class can begin. Five more mintues, there are only five of us in class. two men being talking softly, so i can barley hear them above the humming.. and more students begin to stagger into class early on this friday morning. Each voice seems to blend into the background, becoming almost as constant as the hum of the lights. These peoples faces seem to hold no emotion this early in the morning.. the only thing i can read from them is their tierd eyes, and lagging expresions. I can hear the creaking the door makes as each person opens it and leaves it to close on its own. i find that despite all the noise, i still feel my eye lids trying to close, and a slight dizzyness consuming my head. my legs feel heavy and movement somehow seems impossible.. yet my hands still write upon the paper, and i still shift my legs about, almost without noticing. i think there is around 35 of us in this class, but 10 people are missing and the room still seems so empty.. lonely.. class has started. Each person around sits basically motionless, except for taking an occasional note on their white notebook paper... it reminds me of the whitness of this large room... the lonley white color seems to bleed into the gray desks, making the room almost unbearable to look at. White walls and white cellings... somehow the blackboard doesn't help to off set the white for its space is tiny compared to the mass of white... maybe the lack of color contributes to my wearyness.. Sister Donna continues to talk in between walking back and fourth to the the board.. i hear the steady tap tap tap of the WHITE chalk upon the board.. I swear i smell garlic.. its strong and even stings my tierd eyes. I look around be no one seems to be eating anything with garlic... hopefully i will become used to the smell, so it becomes lesss noticable.. for i cannot stand that smell much longer... I blink.. its 8:23 now, and i've been zoning in and out of my semi alert state of mind, although mostly i cannot tell when i drift off, into my sleep.. and sometimes i barley notice when i wake.. the only way i can tell i have been sleeping is the fleeting images in my head of things my mind was picturing.. almost dreaming of.. and there are many notes upon the black board that were not there the last i rememebered.. My sleep is like a day dream but more in depth in i have no control over what i am thinking in that state.. nor do i seem to have control in stopping myself from sleeping.. I think the girl sitting next to me has something with garlic, for she keeps digging into her backpack and retriving something of whichs substance i can't see for she quickly shoves it into her mouth.... Boring Human Herredity Biology... ends at 8:50.... Although this is my shortest class, it is also the one i have 4 times a week.. There is only one day when it lasts from 8 until 9:30 normally. As class ends, everyone slowly rises, half awake, to file out of the class in a less than organized fashion.. the chatter starts up. To me the words and sounds seems distance as i watch their mouths moving and the turning back and fourth of their heads, as they slowly leave the buliding.. The door again creaks as each person enters and leaves it. I walk through the door, leaving the white walls, grey desks and the hum of the lights behind.. I step outside, only to be greeted by the wind and gray skies. I am alone trailing towards my next desionation in the castle-looking buliding that is before me.. i listen to the faint sounds of my feet on the road, and feel somewhat content in knowing i have two days until i again enter the dull white room of biology. ......
