Wacky Wisdom

 

Pat Bates, Oklahoma

 

 

DON’T TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY...
 
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

 

A day without sunshine is like, night.

 

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

 

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

 

1 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

 

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

 

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.

 

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

 

Remember half the people you know are below average.

 

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

 

Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.

 

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

 

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

 

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

 

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

 

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

 

I intend to live forever - so far so good.

 

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

 

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

 

Mind like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in most states.

 

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

 

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

 

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

 

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

 

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

 

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

 

For every action there is an equal, and opposite, criticism.

 

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

 

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

 

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

 

The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.

 

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

 

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

 

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

 

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

 

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

 

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

 

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

 

Change is inevitable except from vending machines.

 

Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!

 

Plan to be spontaneous.

 

Always try to be modest and be proud of it!

 

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

 

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

 

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.

 

He who laughs . . .lasts!

 

--Pat

 

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