Mirrors and Quicksand

Dianne Olsen, Washington

In the old Fairy Tale “Snow White”, the evil witch looks into the mirror and asks, “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” Much to her dismay, the mirror tells the witch that it is Snow White, not her, that is the fairest of them all. So she begins the journey to seek out and destroy the one who IS fairest of them all.

For many women (and some men too), this is not a fairy tale, it is their reality. We look into the mirror and dislike the image that stares back, only in their story it isn’t a witch who seeks to destroy them, it is Satan who seeks to destroy the “fairest of them all”. 1 John 10:10 says that he is out to kill, steal and destroy, we are his enemy. You see, God’s creation is the “fairest of them all”.

When I was a little girl, one of my brothers used to call me “ugly or witchy-poo”, and any other name that referenced ugliness and his words planted a seed in my life that took root, which of course Satan methodically fertilized. Have you ever seen a tree with its roots weaving in and out from the ground? Normally roots are hidden, but sometimes they are exposed, and this “root” in my life was recently “exposed”.

An incident occurred with my husband and I a couple of years ago that wounded me, and Satan used that incident to “fertilize” the root even more. “Your husband doesn’t touch you because he doesn’t desire you-or- he doesn’t love you because you’re unattractive, if you were thinner, prettier, then he would desire you,” Those were some of the bitter nothings Satan would whisper in my ear. And for nearly two years, I listened and believed. And the feelings of inferiority led me right into sin.

I did not have a physical affair, but an affair in my mind (which the Bible warns is just as much a sin). I began to fantasize of men who “did love and desire me”, and when you are living on “fantasy island” there are never problems and all is well. But all was not well. Because it is not enough for Satan to cause you to stumble in sin, but he also kicks us when we are “one with the dirt.” So I was also hearing “And you call yourself a Christian and you’re thinking these thoughts.” In guilt and shame, my sin continued for eight months.

One evening we left our Pastor’s office after a four hour marriage counseling session. I got home and went to bed early, in utter desperation and frustration I cried out to God, “I give up, I can’t fix this, I don’t even know when I disconnected from Sam emotionally, I don’t know what happened, but Lord I give you my marriage, show me what happened.”

That night God showed me the wound, and that night I finally got freedom from my sin, HALLELUJAH!!! And once I dealt with that “muck”, He eventually exposed this root in my life also. Because of this root, when I looked in a mirror, I saw every flaw. I had no trouble seeing beauty in everyone else, but failed to see it in myself. Like many women, I allowed the mirror to define me, my self-worth, and my value (which I thought was equal to gravel!) I listened to the voice of the world, through media, telling me that I was inferior to the rest, as well as my brothers’ voice that I had “recorded,” and continually replayed.

The process of healing has required me to erase this voice and record a “new message.” Learning to know and believe what the Bible says about me. What? I’m glad you asked! The Bible says that “We were fearfully and wonderfully made,” Psalm 139:14, That we were created in the “image of God,” Gen. 1:27, That “His thoughts are precious toward us, and outnumber the grains of sand,” Psalm 139:18, “The hairs on our head are numbered and that we are worth more than many sparrows,” Mathew 10:30-31, That “We are children of God and great is His love for us.” 1 John 3:1.

He loves us with an UNCONDITIONAL EVER-LASTING LOVE!!! And to Him, we are ALL the fairest! This healing does not require that my husband change his words or actions toward me (although he is doing everything he can to help me through this “muck”), but it requires that I change, that I daily bring my thoughts into captivity unto the obedience of Christ, 11 Cor. 10:5. And if a thought doesn’t line up with the Word, then command it to do so! Satan is a DEFEATED foe (what part of defeated do we not understand?)

Through prayer, repentance, and help from several Godly people in my life (thanks folks, you know who you are), God has restored my marriage, because THAT’S what He DOES. He has replaced brokenness with wholeness, fear with courage, discouragement with hope, Jeremiah 29:11.

We just celebrated our 17^th Wedding Anniversary, and my husband is once again my Boaz, I have fallen in love with him again. I would not want any other- just him, all of him (its 4:30 A.M. now, and he’s snoring away in the other room, and yes, I even want that!)

When I was up to my neck in the “quicksand”, I never thought it possible that my marriage would ever be OK again, I only saw desolation, hurt and pain, and I didn’t think it was fixable.

Is your marriage in “quicksand”? Then I encourage you to reach up for help, actually you don’t even have to reach, all you have to do is call on the Lord, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in time of trouble” Psalm 46:1. He will hear you, His Son died on the cross so you can be restored and whole. I am not saying it is easy, indeed it took two years to finally come to the place where I am today, and this healing is very recent, but daily I talk to God and daily I rely on Him.

God bless you,

Dianne

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