LEADING WITH LOVE- and getting more results
Missionary-Evangelist
Esther Thornton
Introduction:
We are all called to be leaders in some
sense of the word. And, if we follow good leadership principles, our
lives will be successful for God and blessed by Him.
The Bible says that out of the heart
proceed all the issues of life. The kind of leaders that God is looking for
have heart qualifications which are ruled by love.
Many times leaders will be viewed as
arrogant or brash, but they will defend themselves by saying that they just
want results. But, leading through love, instead of intimidation will achieve
even greater results. When love rules, the benefits are surprising.
Once the famous pianist Paderewski was
about to perform at a great concert hall. In the high-society audience a woman
sat with her squirmy eight-year-old son. She hoped by hearing this great
artist, that her boy would show more interest in his piano lessons.
When his mother began talking with
friends, he was climbed the stairs and sat down at the beautiful, big black
piano on the stage. He began to play “Chopsticks”.
Someone hollered at an usher to get
that boy away from there! But, Paderewski heard what was going on and rushed to
the piano, putting his arms around the boy and playing a counter part to what
the boy was playing.
As they played together, he kept
whispering to the boy not to stop but to keep playing. What a prelude to a
concert! The audience loved more than the music - they loved Paderewski!
Every day we are given opportunities to
touch lives. How we respond makes an indelible impression on others - plus it
shapes our character and reputation. When you combine a commitment of the heart
with learned skills, it makes a lasting effect on people.
Love-based leadership is not a sign of
weakness; it communicates surprising strength! Love is like the five loaves and
two fishes. It does not begin to multiply until you give it away. Love also
requires loyalty. “If you love someone, you will be loyal to him, no matter
what the cost.” (I Cor. 13:7 LB)
The president of an organization called
a meeting of 9 department heads to give their input before he made a decision.
The first 8 said it was a good decision but the ninth one said he felt it was
the worst possible decision for the company. But, he said that because the other
8 all felt it was good, he would go along with it and never say another word
about it, which he did. He pledged his full support, saying that he believed in
each of them. His loyalty to his brethren was seen in this decision that he
made.
I. Leadership is Changing
Dictatorial leadership is either dead
or dieing in today’s society. It will not work for five reasons:
1. The sharpest people always head for
the door. Those who are enough on the ball to land a new job leave the dictator
to his own devices.
2. The insecure, ineffective workers
stay behind. Eventually the organization has no leadership.
3. There is constant stress on the
workers. Domineering decision making produces an atmosphere of anxiety and
tension that even visitors recognize.
4. A dictator cannot afford to have one
faillure. Just one bad decision and they will pounce on his leadership and
attempt to tear it apart.
5. The quality that is produced
decreases, thus causing the organization to suffer.
There has been a massive change in
corporate leadership in the last twenty years. Today’s generation is more
concerned with people than with what is produced. A leader is one on any level
whose actions produce positive direction.
How can a person be transformed from
haughty to humble, from slave-driver to servant? It begins with the individual.
II. Motivation - Sticks or Carrots
How do you persuade a rabbit to move
forward? Do you beat him with a stick from behind, or dangle a carrot in front
of his nose? Both ways will make the rabbit jump, but if you want a happy
rabbit, you had better bring a carrot!
Leaders sometimes have thoughts that
cause them to be ineffective motivators:
“I’m supposed to have all the
answers.”; “I’m not allowed to make any mistakes“;
“If you want things done right, you
have to do it yourself”; “If we suggest anything new, it should be my idea”;
and “In my position, no one should question my authority.”
This kind of thinking produces workers
with no will, a staff with no spirit, and followers with no fire.
Leadership styles fall into five basic
categories:
1. Authoritarian - a harsh, demanding,
inflexible approach
2. Humanistic - Doesn’t follow a
precise plan - Has others set the agenda
3. Charismatic - Depends on personality
for success. - Wow, I’m excited about this!
4. Democratic - Before going any
further, let’s take a vote.
5. Mission-Driven: Builds a team to
fulfill the organization’s vision and purpose. We’re all in this thing
together.
The first four are a reflection of the
leader, whereas the last is that everyone is pulling together. Then, there is
far less need for nudging the troops.
Some leaders have found that mingling
with those under them in various ways has helped them to work together in
teamwork. You don’t have to isolate yourself or wear a badge of who you are or
have a title to be a leader. The position of a true captain is always
recognized.
How do you motivate those under your
leadership? You don’t need to slam a two-by-four over the head of a mule to get
his attention. Simply place a bowl of oats in the direction you want him to go.
When the right vision is placed before an individual, they will be drawn to it
like steel is attracted to a magnet. Then, allow them to have input into it.
One leader acted like he was allowing those
under him to give input, but they soon realized that he was twisting was they
said to support his decision. They all voted against it, but one.
It has been said that controls are
purely driven by the head, whereas inspiration often comes from the heart. The
one focuses on surface behavior while the other on the deeper reaches of the
human soul.
Why does motivation wrapped in love
succeed? Because you using a “person-to-person” approach. You can’t treat
people as faceless objects, but as individuals.
A man was telling a leader how he had
tried balancing discipline and love with his fifteen year old son. The leader
asked what his ratio was? He said that it had been 50-50. The leader said, No
that it should be 90% love and 10% discipline. Later, the man said that he had
never had such a good relationship with his son as now when he had taken this
advice.
One well-known leader said, “Sandwich
every bit of criticism between two heavy layers of praise, ” and then to keep
pouring on the praise.
III. What Sheep Expect From Shepherds
Ten expectations that are valid for
sheep to expect from shepherds:
1. Sheep expect shepherds to be
concerned for their safety. When people are asked to evaluate the attributes
they most admire in a leader, “Job Security” is high on the list. A good leader
will do his best to safeguard this.
2. Sheep expect shepherds to find green
pastures. Sheep chew the grass right down to the soil, whereas cattle do not do
that. A flock must be guided and allowed to move forward to survive. (Psa. 23:1-2)
“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green
pastures; he leadeth me beside the still waters.”
3. Sheep expect shepherds to know them
by name. Jesus says sheep will hear the voice of their shepherd and follow him;
but a stranger they will not follow. We need an individual connection with each
one on our team, even if the team if large. The bond is strengthened each time
they hear you speak their name.
4. Sheep expect shepherds to be gentle
and kind. Dwight Eisenhower said about his experiences in World War II: “You do
not lead by hitting people over the head - that’s assault, not leadership.”
If you feel the urge to become
demanding and difficult, get tough on yourself instead of on others. That’s
what yields the greatest harvest.
Isa. 40:11 “He tends his flock like a
shepherd. He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his
heart.”
5. Sheep expect shepherds to rescue
them when they stray.
Lu. 15:4 “Suppose one of you has a
hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the
open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?”
6. Sheep expect shepherds to be
fearless. Use each small victory to go toward larger victories. David protected
his father’s sheep from a lion and a bear before facing Goliath.
7. Sheep expect shepherds to be
unselfish. The president of a chain of jewelry store in Florida was under
pressure to cut down expenses. He did so well that they congratulated him and
told him they were sending him a check for $20,000. He told them that he wanted
them to know that that amount would be divided equally among his staff. When
one succeeds, all succeed.
8. Sheep expect shepherds to give them
dignity. Work is much more than about labor - it is about lives.
9. Sheep expect shepherds to be
sincere. A man wrote a letter of complaint to the airlines of a plane he had
taken and found a bug in his salad. They wrote back that they took his
complaint seriously and even fumigated the plane. They reprimanded the flight
attendants and said his complaint did not fall on deaf ears. But, then he
noticed an inter-office memo stuck to the back of this letter which said, “Send
this character the regular bug letter.” Leadership cannot afford to be
artificial but must be genuine and sincere.
10. Sheep expect shepherds to care
deeply about them. If deep inside, you don’t truly love and respect people, you
should resign from your post of leadership. Sheep want shepherds who are
sensitive and responsive to their personal and professional needs.
Posted on the bulletin board of a
medical clinic were these words: “People don’t care how much you know until
they know how much you care”
Sheep were not created to be sheared,
or to be served as lamb chops or mutton stew. They are unique individuals. We
must value people as leaders. Leadership is not about using people - it is
about serving them.
IV. New Sight for Your Vision
People who are successful not only have
a dream, they become emotionally attached to it. And, they not only have a
vision themselves, but have the ability to involve others in it, as well.
How are you seen in your ministry - as
a visionary and someone who has heart? A visionary is by nature a positive
thinker. The biggest mistake people make is to follow their skills instead of
their heart. What you love is what you are gifted at. Only love will give you
the drive to stick to something until you develop your gift. It’s not what you
can do, it’s what you have a passion for that marks the difference between
failure and achievement.
People who are happy have two things:
(1) They know exactly what they want in
life, and (2) They feel they are moving toward achieving their objective.
The construction of Solomon’s temple
involved seventy thousand carriers, eighty thousand stone cutters, and more
than three thousand supervisors. Yet, Solomon did not ask the Lord to give him
riches or power; he asked for “a discerning heart to govern your people and to
distinguish between right and wrong. (I Kngs. 3:9). He envisioned the great
temple as a way to honor God. He was a mighty leader, yet he had a tender
heart. In Song of Sol. 8:7 he said, “Many waters cannot quench love; neither
can the floods drown it.”
A proven principle of success is to
have a master plan - seeing things not as they are, but as they are going to
be. You do not have to be the originator in it. For whether it is original or
handed down, you may buy into it, take ownership, and speak it into existence.
Hab. 2:2 tells us to write the vision
and make it plain. Is your vision one that people will long to identify with?
The importance of communication cannot
be stressed enough as there is no substitute for regular contact to keep the
fires burning. A vision is not offered once without it being repeated time and
again and incorporated in the decision making process. It must be constantly
evaluated for possible changes in the light of new circumstances. If you want
to expand the future, share it.
Tomorrow will only be as great as the
lives it will affect. That’s what truly makes it worth the investment of time
and talent.
V. Mission
What is the difference between vision
and mission? Vission is what you are striving to achieve and what you desire to
be, whereas, the mission statement describes how you will live your life as you
fulfill the vision. It gives a reason for being and becomes the foundation on
which the future depends. The mission defines what is to be accomplished, not
simply what is to be aimed for or pursued.
The first statement of mission was: “Be
fruitful, and multiply” (Gen. 1:22).
Whatever you do in life, you are shaped
by the principles and values that you cherish.
It is important to have a Mission
Statement that can be understood and it will cause a moving forward to come
about. Your vision reflects where you are headed; your values indicate what you
stand for; and your missions is your reason for being.
VI. The Qualities of Leaders Who Love
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does
not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude. It is not
self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does
not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always
trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (I Cor. 13:4-7).
Those who embrace the fourteen
qualities found in Paul’s words will see a profound transformation - personally
and in the lives they touch.
1. Leaders who love are patient - A
farmer cannot sow and reap the same day - it takes time for development. Plant
plenty of seeds, and never stop nurturing.
2. Leaders who love are kind - It has
been said, “If someone were to pay you ten cents for each kind word you ever
spoke about others and collect five cents for each unkind word, would you be
rich or poor?” Kindness is not only to be displayed in someone’s presence, but
in their absence, as well. Caring must not be an act; but a lifestyle.
3. Leaders who love are not jealous or
envious - It can rob you of your energy, misplace your focus, and keep you from
accomplishing your vision. Great leaders stay with their own agenda and don’t
become sidetracked by the success of others.
4. Leaders who love are not boastful or
proud - Conceit is known as that strange disease that makes everyone sick
except the person who has it. There is a fine line between being proud of your
family and ministry; yet, at the same time to be humbled by those same
achievements.
5. Leaders who love are not rude or
ill-mannered - We can decide that our conduct will be a role model of courtesy
and respect.
6. Leaders who love are not
self-seeking - A high school coach who had coached for twenty years, was asked
what it takes to win. “Our greatest seasons have been when we had average
players who worked together as a team. The disasters came when we had a
superstar who hogged the ball and attempted to put on a one-man show.”
7. Leaders who love are not easily
angered - Our actions are generated from within; not from outside forces. We
have the power to choose how we will react to circumstances. We all get angry
but we can choose whether or not be in self-control.
8. Leaders who love keep no records of
wrongs and do not hold grudges - A pastor has been leading a church for twelve
years, when an influential banker was nominated to be a deacon. The pastor
stood up and said that he felt this man was not qualified for the position, as
he had a long list of times when he had questioned the pastor’s decisions
before that. But, they voted him in unanimously, and now viewed their pastor in
a bad way. Their pastor resigned in six months. We must not only preach
forgiveness, but practice it.
9. Leaders who love do not delight in
evil - A car salesman made a dishonest deal with a young man who put ads in the
paper, asking him to fax him the other ads and extend the deadline for two days
for him. Then, the dealer priced his cars the lowest on the market. Suspicion
arose and within six weeks there was so much pressure placed on him and the
young man that they had to abandon the plan. We must never allow deception or
dishonesty to gain a foothold in our lives or ministry.
10. Leaders who love rejoice in truth -
At every level in life, we should be transparent and allow your associates to
see your true character. Strong bonds between people are not from written
contracts; they are built on a strong foundation of truth.
11. Leaders who love are protective - A
pastor’s wife was watering a fern that was hanging from a tree in their garden.
A bird kept flying nervously around her time and again. Finally, she saw in the
fern, two eggs that were hatching. The mother bird was protecting her young. A
question every leader should ask themselves is “Who has the most security in my
organization? Me, or those I serve?” When you are committed to the safety and
protection of others, you create the same results for yourself.
12. Leaders who love demonstrate trust
- Someone asked a leader why more leaders don’t trust those who are under them.
He answered that perhaps it is because they don’t trust themselves. You don’t
have to have all the answers to motivate people. Just place your confidence in
their abilities and turn them loose. That simple act can often produce greater
results than all the instruction and discipline you can muster. The most
powerful phrases should be “I believe in you”, “I trust you decisions.”
13. Leaders who love offer hope - A
leader who was involved with crisis cases at a counseling center was asked
“Aren’t you discouraged by what you see and hear?” He replied, “No. I’m
encouraged because I have seen enough lives restored to know there is hope in
any situation. Where there is great bondage, there can be great liberty. Every
time you talk about your vision and positive view of the future, hope is
communicated to those who are under your leadership. To be happy, a person
needs someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for. Are we as
leaders providing that for others?
14. Leaders who love persevere - The
trust, affection, and care you demonstrate to those under your leadership can’t
be temporary. They must endure through personal crisis, misunderstandings,
economic reversals, and unexpected emergencies. You cannot afford to quit -
often it is the last key on the ring that opens the door.
15. The servant’s secret of success -
The power of leadership flows from the bottom to the top. Is steel made from
the smoke that rises? No, it is forged from the iron being melted in the
furnace below.
The manager at a factory began greeting
the receptionist each morning with “Hello, Boss.” Finally, she asked him why he
was doing this. He said “Because without you and every person here taking
charge, I’d be sunk.”
This sign was posted by a manager of a
plant in Indiana, “Where every leader works and every worker leads.” Great
servants become great leaders because they understand the true source of power.
What matters most are the people and the relationships; not the job success,
that will be remembered.
James and John asked Jesus for special
positioning in the kingdom of God. But Jesus answered “Whoever wants to become
great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be
servant of all.” (Mk. 10:43-44).
A doctor at the University of
California believes that servant hood plays a significant role in our personal
well-being. And, learning the art of serving is easier when you see yourself as
part of a team that wins - not caring who receives the credit.
Someone asked a music conductor of a
great symphony orchestra, what instrument he considered most difficult to play.
He answered that it was the second fiddle. He said he could get plenty of first
violinists, but to get someone to play second fiddle with enthusiasm was a
problem. And, he said, if we have no second fiddles, we have no harmony.
It is important to have the right
perspective. A person with a lofty vision and conceit is usually a person
lacking self esteem. True achievers have an understanding of how small they
really are in the scheme of things.
President Theodore Roosevelt was with a
friend on the San Juan Island. He looked up at the vastness of the universe and
were in awe of what they saw. Finally, he broke the silence and said, “Now I
think we are small enough. Let’s call it a night.”
That is the right perspective. When we
realize our weakness, we begin to find great strength.
It is important to be faithful with
little. Jesus told a parable of a man who was about to depart on a journey. He
called his servants, and to one he gave five talents of money; to another two
talents; and to another one talent. The man with five talents and the one with
two talents doubled their money. However, the servant with one talent buried
it. When the man came home he was not pleased with the man who had buried the one
talent. But, to the first two and said, “Well done, good and faithful servants.
You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many
things. Come and share your master’s happiness.” (Mt. 25:23)
6. Express and demonstrate your gratitude
-
(1) Thank people personally
(2) Thank people publicly
(3) Thank people on paper
When you do these things, people will
go out of their way, beyond the call of duty.
7. Believe in yourself - It is only
when we are able to love ourselves that we can love others. We are not talking
about self-glorification - those who brag about their exploits. In most cases,
they are masking their insecurity and lack of confidence. There is a character
in Greek mythology named Narcissus. He saw his image reflected in the glassy
waters and was captivated with himself. But, this is not what we are talking
about. The self-love necessary to lead people is based on assurance and the
certainty that comes with self-respect and personal dignity.
(1) You learn to trust others by trusting
yourself
(2) You learn to be kind to others by
being kind of yourself
(3) You learn to have faith in others
by having faith in yourself.
Self-esteem expresses itself through
our relationships. “I believe in you because I believe in me.”
VII. Abandon yourself
A minister had preached: Abandon
yourself to the strength of others. And, he found that soon he had to do this.
He was told by his doctor that he had to have a triple by-pass operation. He
said, “This is beyond my control. I’m leaving it in the hands of God and the
team of experienced heart surgeons.” We must recognize diversity and appreciate
it.
(1) Great parents take pride when their
accomplishments are far surpassed by a son or daughter.
(2) Great teachers realize that even
the youngest students have life experiences different from their own.
(3) Great leaders stand aside when they
see talent rising to the top.
Empowering those around you is like
stretching out in a hammock. You place all of your weight and your faith in
something you believe will hold you firmly.
My husband and I pulled into a
restaurant parking lot in Portland, Oregon. And, there was a young man who came
to our car to speak with us. He was an alchoholic but had at one time known the
Lord. Even he, knew a good definition of faith. He said: Faith is not pushing a
wheelbarrow across on a high rope; but faith is getting in the wheelbarrow and
letting someone else push you.”
Here are seven ways to practice the art
of abandoning yourself to the strength of others:
1. Never be threatened by people with
potential. We are not to “compete” but to “complete” others. When they
recognize ability, they latch onto it immediately.
2. To demonstrate trust, delegate -
“This is in your hands and I am trusting your judgment”. When we believe in
others, they will work tirelessly to be worthy of our trust.
3. Look inside for advice - Outside
consultants don’t know much about what is going on there. The average worker
within the group can give good advice.
4. Practice progressive empowerment - Give
them a project to work on. Then, ask them to act on your behalf. Before you
know it, they will be capable of leadership. It is progressive.
5. Walk in the shoes of someone else -
If you want to use other’s expertise you need to find out their values and
their vision. You have to build more than a surface friendship.
6. Forget the secrets - Teamwork
requires transparency. If it is your objective to raise leaders, give them as
much information as possible, frequently.
7. Declare, “We’re in this thing together”
- In Japan there is a saying “We all eat from the same pot”. That means that if
anyone is hungry, everyone from the secretary to the president goes hungry. For
sheer survival, there is no other option than to place our trust in the
abilities of others.
(Phil. 2:3) “Do nothing out of selfish
ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than
yourselves.”
VIII. The surprising truth about team
building
The surprising truth about team
building is diversity linked by a common vision. When a committee is formed,
they rarely disband. They can also form a clique which is bad. If a task force
is formed; then when the project is completed, you can issue a cease order. An
ideal task force should have five or six members. Here are the types of individuals
to choose:
1. A knowledgeable person - someone who
has vast amounts of data on the topic to be addressed.
2. A logical person - a clear thinker
who can optimize the work of the group quickly.
3. A creative person - someone who will
bring inspiration and innovation to the job at hand.
4. A technical person - the one who
will discuss the computer issues.
5. A person with great integrity -
someone who will add character and substance to the discussions.
6. A communicator - the person who will
either write the report or become spokesman for the group.
A talented leader will recognize the
differences of people and their skills and will use them to the advantage of
the team.
How do you inspire people to work with
you instead of for you? What can you do to foster shared efforts, common goals,
and mutual respect?
Here are twelve steps for transforming
individual performers into team players:
1. Eliminate organizational charts.
Create relationship charts that show how people interact with others at every
level.
2. Become a coach, rather than a boss -
See yourself as a facilitator that inspires and releases their talents.
3. Stop controlling people and start
empowering them - After a great military victory, it is not the General who has
won, but the Army.
4. Actively involve people in the
decision-making process - This will involve associates and will win their
goodwill. It can also bring in fresh ideas.
5. Allow people to discover answers for
themselves - It is in self-discovery that people take ownership. See yourself
as a guide, leading others in the right direction.
6. Recognize and reward every team
member - Every person is valuable
7. Instead of centralizing authority,
distribute it - Transfer power to a relationship rather than a position.
8. De-emphasize rules and regulations -
Let the policies and procedures manual be re-written by a task force to make it
our regulations.
9. Create a non-intimidating atmosphere
- Allow people to offer ideas or criticism without feeling threatened.
10. Continually ask for assistance -
Ask people, “Will you help me?” It lets them know their value.
11. Adopt the “I need you” philosophy -
An old proverb says, “Help your brother’s boat across and your own will reach
the shore.”
12. Truly love your associates - Love
is loyalty and love is teamwork.
The principles of teamwork were at the
center of the apostle Paul’s formula for spiritual success. (I Cor. 1:10) “That
all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you
and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought.”
A company leader has his employees
evaluate their team members periodically. It causes them to realize also that
others are evaluating them. They do this by putting a number by each of the
following on a scale from 1 (very poor) to 10 (excellent):
1. Has a good over-all attitude
2. Has a positive attitude to the
customer
3. Has a positive attitude toward
fellow workers
4. Has a positive attitude toward the
company
5. Has a positive attitude toward work
6. Tries to produce quality work
7. Uses time wisely
8. Interested in learning more about
the trade
9. Arrives at work on time
10. Works at a positive rate of speed
11. Seldom complains
12. Does not try to find fault with
other workers
13. Is neat about cleaning up
14. Returns borrowed tools
15. Never uses abusive language on the
job site
16. Willingness to help fellow workers
17. Tries to work well with
subcontractors
18. Is a team player
19. Is organized about his work
20. If you were the owner of your own
company, would you hire this person?
Its incredible how this simple
evaluation increases quality and productivity. It causes them to think each day
how they are acting and knowing that others will be evaluating them.
IX. The Power of Cooperative Thinking
We win through cooperation, not
competition. Cooperation is fostered by continual communication. One top
executive of a company chose to have his office right next to the restrooms so
that he could come in contact with everyone, several times a day. It also
helped him to handle the long-winded ones - he’d catch them on the way in!
X. Replacing the Culture of Conflict
Depressed parents tend to have
distressed children. When the boss comes into work in a negative mood, it
passes down to all the workers. When a father comes home, it works the same
way. Attitudes are highly contagious.
Four principles of criticism to follow:
1. Never point out errors without
offering a solution
2. Criticize the act; never the person
- people have emotions that need to be respected.
3. Never scold in public - and discuss
it when the person is comfortable -not, “I need to see you in my office.”
4. Always end with praise
People who are toxic to you: learn to
appreciate their good points and to brush off their critical attitude toward
you.
Here are the five traits of a toxic
handler:
1. They are great listeners
2. They can be trusted with a
confidence
3. They sense when trouble is brewing
and act behind the scenes before it erupts
4. They reframe difficult messages into
instructions that can be implemented
5. They identify and activate
solutions.
XI. Building Shatterproof Relationships
A study was taken over a period of time
and found that the more isolated people were three times more likely to die
than those with stronger social ties. We need to plug into the lives of others
and build relationships that last.
Ten important keys to building bonds of
friendship:
1. Realize that strong relationships
are primary - More than 80 percent of all sales are attributed to the person
liking the salesperson.
2. Learn to truly understand others -
People relate to those who they feel really understand them. You will never
begin to understand someone until you take time to listen to their personal
story.
3. Relationships begin at home - Too
many have neglected time with their children or mate trying to climb the ladder
of success. Meal time has been proven as the most helpful time to allow
children to relate their feelings and experiences.
4. Build relationships based on
principles - Jesus said, “do to others what you would have them do to you” (Mt.
7;12) “A new command I give you; love one another as I have loved you, so you
must love one another (Jn. 13:34)
5. Set an example that backs up your
words - Instead of “Let me tell you how to do it”; say, “Allow me to show you
how it’s done”.
We must ask ourselves this question: If
every team member mirrored our behavior, what kind of an organization would
yours be?
6. Create an “open door” environment -
Some managers are now placing their offices in the midst of activity instead of
in a secluded corner. In this, they are say that their door is always open.
7. Demonstrate personal and
professional courtesy - It should become a daily habit. Ask how someone’s
family is or compliment them sincerely, even on small matters.
8. Realize that change requires
connection - This does not require power, authority, or control, but rather is
found in relationships and teamwork.
9. Never betray a confidence - Build
trust in people who confide in you
10. Stay connected - no matter what! -
Relationships are work in progress. They are active and not passive. You can
throw a relationship away but “The bridge you burn is one that you may have to
walk across someday”. Value and nurture every association - even if you become
separated by time or space. If you spend weeks, months, and years developing an
alliance don’t let it die. Pick up the phone, send a fax, write an e-mail, stay
in touch!
From your heart: Centuries ago there
was a poor artist who was a guest for a summer in a beautiful castle. When it
came time to leave he realized that he had nothing to give his hosts for their
hospitality.
Before he left, he shut himself in his
room for several days with the door locked. When he finally departed, a servant
found the sheets of his bed missing. Were they stolen? No!
The sheets were discovered by the
family, neatly rolled in the corner of the room. When they were unrolled there
was a spectacular picture of Alexander in the tent of Darius painted on them.
The guest’s most valuable asset was not
his artistic ability. It was his humble attitude.
He had a desire to leave the best
possible gift. And he gave it without saying a word.
A true relationship is a matter of the
heart. Let your actions create bonds that can never be broken.
Relationships grow strong when you
inspire, encourage, brighten, and cheer. It has been said that “the true worth
of man is not to be found in man himself, but in the colors and texture that
come alive in others.”
XII. Communicating from the inside out
-
In the pediatrics section of a major
hospital infants needing special care were dying at a much higher rate than
expected. An elderly volunteer gave the solution: the babies were separated
from their mothers and were not getting held, cuddled and loved. So, the staff
workers began to do this. Almost instantly, the mortality rate dropped.
Here are six ways to improve your
person:
1. Express your heartfelt feelings -
transparency is important. (Mt. 12:34) “Out of the abundance of the heart, the
mouth speaketh.”
2. Become a passionate communicator -
Avoid any tendency to be inflexible or domineering, but share your convictions
with zeal and passion.
3. Don’t be known as a critic - Great
leaders win on vision, inspiration, and positive ideas; not on tearing down
others. If you can’t think of something good to say about someone, don’t say
anything at all. One man said that “once the toothpaste is out of the tube,
it’s hard to get it back in.”
4. Avoid gossip and idle chatter -
Never pass on a negative rumor. You
don’t want your name to be associated with harmful gossip.
Say a compliment about your boss and
the word of this will spread
Avoid uttering something you don’t want
attributed to you
Don’t become defensive when someone
says something negative about you, but calmly counteract it by friendly
conversation with the source and tell others the truth.
5. Leave a paper trail - President Bush
(in the 1980’s) was a master of communication. One man who worked for him kept
a scrapbook of all the notes he had written to him. Writing things down leads
to clearer communication and stronger relationships.
6. Monitor you attitude
percent longer to understand and digest
a negative statement than a positive one. That is why it is important to speak
positively as well as to think positively. The only difference between a bad
day and a good day is attitude. When you exude enthusiasm and confidence about
tomorrow, a growing number of people will request the pleasure of your company.
Friendly Persuasion: Rules to follow to
produce positive change and to convince others to adopt a new position:
1. Don’t place people on the defensive,
such as saying, “I’m going to change your mind”.
2. Never insult your opponent - this
sounds like he is an enemy instead of a future partner
3. Talk in terms of what the other
person wants, not what you desire
4. Thoroughly know your listeners’
opinions, beliefs, and attitudes. Start from where they are, not from your
position.
5. Begin with what you agree upon; not
from your differences
6. Speak of both sides of the argument
so they know you are knowledgeable of the opposing position
7. Remain cool and never become angry
8. Stick with the facts. Don’t stretch
the truth
9. Ask for their agreement kindly and
sincerely - but don’t fail to ask
The key to change is to touch someone’s
heart and build upon what you have in common.
Communication never ceases. Even when
silence reigns, your presence is sending messages loud and clear - speaking from
the inside out.
XIV. The power and Might of Mercy
The only leadership that prevails is
based on love, mercy, and mutual respect.
XV. Love That Leads Forever
What does it take to become the best?
Respect your mission; honor the people you serve; and commit yourself to a love
that will last forever.
Those who have reached the top - it is
their personality, drive, and people skills - rarely their training or
education - that makes the difference. There was an interview on millionaires
and it was found that they made B’s and C’s in college and their SAT scores
would not even be high enough to get them into top universities. But, they were
personable.
Your people skills - the way you
interact with others - are the keys to success at every level.
What will be remembered in the future?
Acts of kindness in relationships, whether at home, at work, in the ministry,
or between close friends. And, the Bible tells us that “Love endures forever”.
And, so it is that we are leaders who have chosen to “Lead with Love”.
May God bless each one of you and have
a blessed holiday season.
With Love In Christ,
Esther Thornton
Global Evangelism Fellowship - clatskanie.com/gef
