Jack and I have
been married for almost 40 years (August 31/68) –50 with the chill factor – a
little Canadian humor We are not experts by any means but obviously have
experience to offer to other married or soon to be married couples.
Starting out as
non-believers was a great disadvantage but finishing as ones is a plus.
We were both
“saved” on the same night in October of 1972 during an evangelical outreach
service sponsored by a local Pentecostal church –the one I went to as a teen.
By this time we
were the parents of two beautiful children, Margie and Steven. Jack worked
shift work at the local Michelin Tire plant so I did a lot of the household
running. Jack liked to have no other responsibilities but the shift work
although he liked to keep the yard neat. I did not like outside work. We were
compatible there but other ways we were far from “together”. We were sincere in
our love and walk with God although we were still ‘new babies”.
It seemed the
right thing to do to get involved in the church activities so we dove in deep
–choir, Sunday School, orchestra (for me), nursery duties, ushering and on and
on. Life was not bad but it was not good either. Marriage wise, we were worlds apart.
Our upbringing was such a part of this dilemma –Jack had no mother since he was
5 (she died) and his father did the best he could to keep the family of 3
children together. I, on the other hand, came from a family of 7 children who
had a soft father (not weak) but a strong controlling mother who ruled the home
with an iron rod.
Mother was the
disciplinarian, financial wizard, ruler of the family and any other hat that
needed wearing. She wore all of them well promoting fear in us children. She was
my role model for what a wife and mother was to be.
Jack’s father
was a faithful worker but when he came home he retreated into his own world of
social activities leaving the children to look after themselves with no curfew,
house rules (except don’t bring the police to the door) or responsibilities.
Our marriage although well founded in love was heading for disaster.
I well remember,
when I first left home, being told by the woman I boarded with that our
marriage was doomed to fail. Hers did after 32 years but God was the ‘saving”
factor in ours!
I am not going
to open this article any further to the events in our lives. Not that there
were any horrible times but the purpose of this month’s articles is to build up
and encourage people so that they can work to strengthen their marriage.
Jack and I began
a new direction in our physical and spiritual life a few years ago. It was
founded on the Biblical principle of “echad” a Hebrew word that means
“Oneness”. The picture idea of echad is an orchestra playing together but the
notes are heard as if there was but one instrument playing. However, the
harmony is present and beautiful to the ear. God is the One who gives us this
principle. He and His Son are One –echad. They have distinct personalities but
function as One.
It is not easy
as humans to figure this out as the flesh of each of us works in opposing ways
but it is scriptural.
“And the two
shall become one flesh: so that they are no more two, but one flesh. Mark 10:8
If God said it was
possible then it is possible. He is not a man that He should lie. Hebrews 6:18
As believers, we
needed to seek just how we could obey this scripture in Mark 10. My flesh and
Jack’s were miles apart most days. Both of us sought to win the battle to be right.
Now- I love how
often God works in my life with picture illustrations that I can easily
understand.
One fine day
(the title of a song J) –after Jack had left for work, I was tidying up after
him –towels, underwear, etc strewn over the bedroom floor and I was anything
but in an “echad” mood. Tidying up after the children was one thing but a grown
man? We needed Godly intervention for both of us –Jack, who thought everything
was wonderful and for me who saw the problems as overwhelming.
I sat down after
begrudgingly cleaning up. Instantly, I had a “God” moment. He reminded me that
IF some tragedy were to happen to Jack that day so that he never came back
home, I would give anything just to have his things to pick up. What a sobering
lesson and how true is was. I went into the bedroom that moment and tried to
imagine a home and a life without him. Give me the mess any day –it’s proof
that he is alive and with me.
As the months
drifted into years, we have learned so many deeper lessons about oneness. We
have learned that there is nothing –not upbringing, not personalities, not even
stubbornness that God can’t change. One thing that is needed is genuine love
and obedience to God’s direction. None of it is easy and it most often means
both spouses committing to change.
One last thing I
want to add here. A delicate addition! The Bible is very clear about purity in
a marriage relationship. This is most important to complete the Godly principle
of oneness.
Marriage is the
closest picture we have to understanding our own relationship with God. He even
refers to us as the “bride” and He being our bridegroom. He lays out a picture
of his commitment to honor his covenant with us forever. We might break our
word but He will remain faithful to us no matter what. He gives us a wonderful
example in the Book of Hosea.
In human
relationship, the intimacy is vital. In the physical act, our bodies actually
join and become one. This is so misunderstood by us. God intended a husband and
a wife to practice how to act as one unit not two. We know so little about
this. We are not taught by our shepherds about it either.
This intimate
physical act is so “Godly” that sex before marriage and adultery are actually
more than the unfaithfulness of a person but a breaking of the principle God
ordained. We need to be open in teaching our teens about this so that it is
more understood in the spiritual sense.
Remember how the
Bible teaches that life is in the blood? Remember how we learn that through the
shedding of blood, sins are dealt with? Well, the first act of intimacy that
brings about the show of blood is a spiritual act first before it is a physical
one. Bloodshed by any means is of great notice by God.
I have –and am
still learning- that I am to act toward my husband in a way that I would want
to be treated. The golden rule is so true here. “Do unto others as you would
have them do unto you.”
It is never
acceptable to be short tempered, sharp tongued or any other attitude toward a
spouse. We are to respond in a way that brings about peace.
I am so often reminded what Paul teaches us “Live in peace with all people
(especially husbands and wives –my addition) as much as lies in your power.”
There is a cute
saying “If Mama isn’t happy –ain’t nobody happy.” Well- if Mama and Papa aren’t
happy, the whole house is not happy.
A wonderful
lesson we can learn to keep us married people in harmony and love is to
practice relationship like the Jewish believers do at Sabbath supper.
The man reads
Proverbs 31:10-31 “a virtuous woman” to his wife and the woman reads a chosen
scripture that blesses her husband. He prays over her and for her and then the
wife does the same. It is almost impossible to have disunity and practice this
weekly devotion.
A
joke to share with you about an elderly married couple
An elderly
couple went on a vacation to Israel but while there the old woman died. The
undertaker –trying to ease the old gentleman’s grief- offered some advice. ”You
can have her shipped home for $5000.00 then pay for the funeral or have her
buried here in Jerusalem for only $1500.00.”
The old man
thought about it for a brief moment then said “I’ll have her shipped home. I
heard about another person who died here a long time ago and he rose up from
the grave after 3 days.”
