Halloween Jokes
Q. Why did the ghost go into the bar?
A. For the Boos.?
Q. Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
A. He didn't have a haunting license.?
Q. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
A. He had no body to dance with.?
Q. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
A. He is mist.?
Q. Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
A. Because he is always a goblin.?
Q. What do you call a ghost who gets too close to a bonfire?
A. A toasty ghosty.
Q. What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae?
A. Whipped scream.?
Q. What do you give a skeleton for valentine's day?
A. Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.?
Q. What do you call a motorbike that belongs to a witch?
A. A brrrooooommmm stick?
Q. What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
A. mas-scare-a.
Q. Who was the most famous ghost detective?
A. Sherlock Moans.?
Q. Who was the most famous witch detective?
A. Warlock Holmes?
Q. Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
A. Sherlock Bones.?
Q. Who was the most famous French skeleton?
A. Napoleon bone-apart?
Q. Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
A. The Vampire State Building.?
Q. Where does a ghost refuel his car?
A. At a ghastly station.?
Q. Who is a vampire likey to fall in love with?
A. The girl necks door.?
Q. what do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon.
A. sour-puss?
Q. Why do ghosts shiver and moan?
A. It's drafty under that sheet.?
Q: What instrument do skeletons play?
A: Trom-BONE.?
Q. How can you tell a vampire likes baseball?
A. Every night he turns into a bat.?
Q. What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A. It's a pain in the neck.?
Q. How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
A. All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.?
Q. What song's does Dracula hate?
A. "You Are My Sunshine" and "Sunshine on my Shoulders.?
Q. How does a girl vampire flirt?
A. She bats her eyes.?
Q. Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
A. He has a bat temper.?
Q. Why did Dracula go to the dentist?
A. He had a fang-ache.?
Q. Why are vampires like false teeth?
A. They all come out at night.?
Q. Who does Dracula get letters from?
A. His fang club.?
Q. Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
A. To stop his coffin.?
Q. Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes?
A. Sandals don't look good with his tuxedo.?
Q. How do you keep a monster from biting his nails?
A. Replace the nails with screws.?
Q. What can't you give the headless horseman?
A. A headache.?
Q. Why did the headless horseman go into business?
A. He wanted to get ahead in life.?
Q. What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?
A. A boo-tie.?
Q. What's a ghosts favorite desert?
A. Boo-berry pie & I scream.?
Q. Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
A. So they can keep their ghoulish figures.?
Q. When does a ghost have breakfast?
A. In the moaning.?
Q. What do ghosts drink at breakfast?
A. Coffee with scream and sugar.?
Q. Where does a ghost go on vacation?
A. Mali-boo.?
Q. Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?
A. Anywhere where he can boo-gie.?
Q. What do they teach in witching school?
A. Spelling.?
Q. Why does a witch ride a broom?
A. Vacuum cleaners get stuck at the end of the cord.?
Q. What do you call a witch's garage?
A. A broom closet.?
Q. Was Draacula ever married?
A. No he's a bat-chelor.?
Q. Why don't mummies take vacations?
A. They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.?
Q. Why did the ghost take his family on a elevator ride every day?
A. To raise their spirits.?
Q. What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?
A. The cold shoulder.?
Q. Who did the ghost invite to his party?
A. Anyone he could dig up!?
Q. Who did the ghost go with to the Halloween party?
A. With No-Body!?
Q. Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
A. He heard it had great circulation.
Q. What do you call a little monsters parents?
A. Mummy and deady.
Q. Where do ghosts go shopping?
A. In Boo-tiques.
Q. What is Transylvania?
A. Dracula's terror-tory.
Q. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A. He didn't have the guts.
Q: What do hillbillies do on Halloween?
A: PUMP-KIN!
Little Dracula
Two nuns, Sister Mary and Sister Frances, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic
light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of thex car and hisses through the windshield.
'Quick, quick!' shouts Sister Mary. 'What shall we do?'
'Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination,' says Sister Frances.
Sister Mary switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on. 'What shall I do now?' she shouts.
'Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water.' says Sister Frances.
Sister Mary turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
'Now what?' shouts Sister Mary.
'Show him your cross.' says Sister Frances.
'Now you're talking,' says Sister Mary. She opens the window and shouts, 'get the f?*//# off our car!
The Halloween Costume
There's a man with a bald head and a wooden leg who gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain
his problem. A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:
Dear Sir:
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as pirate.
Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.
The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week passes and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:
Dear Sir:
Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.
Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.
Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from
emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint.
The next day he received a small parcel and a note which read:
Dear Sir:
Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses. Pour the molasses over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.
Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.
One Halloween, a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as "Rocky" in boxing gloves and satin shorts. Soon after I gave him some goodies, he returned for more.
"Aren't you the same 'Rocky' who left my doorstep several minutes ago?" I asked.
"Yes," he replied, "but now I'm the sequel. I'll be back three more times tonight, too."
