Q and A's
Q. How do you make your wife scream after an orgasm?
A. Wipe your penis on the curtains.
Q: What's the major difference between wives and husbands who are trying to have children?
A: Wives want to videotape the birth of their child. Husbands want to videotape the conception.
Q: Why are cowgirls bowlegged?
A: Cowboys like to eat with their hats on.
Q. How do you know if a blonde has been using the computer?
A. The joystick is sticky!
Q. What's big and hairy and sticks out of your PJ's at night?
A. Your Head.
Q. Why do women wipe sleep out of their eyes in the morning?
A. 'Cause they have no balls to scratch!
Q. What do procrastination and masturbation have in common?
A. They are both fun until you realize you just fucked yourself.
Q. How do you make a blondes eyes twinkle?
A. Shine a flashlight in her eyes.
Q. What do you call ten blondes in a freezer?
A. Frosted flakes.
Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A. Put a scratch & sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.
Q. What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?
A. They both wiggle when you eat them.
Q. What does a blonde do when its cold and there is no elcetricity?
A. Sits around a candle.
Q. What does a blonde do when its really really cold and there is no electricity?
A. Actually lights the candle.
Q: Why is sex with your spouse like a convenience store?
A: There's not much variety, but what else is open at three in the morning?
Q: What does a Hoover vacuum and Viagra have in common?
A: They both put the power of an upright in the palm of your hand...
Q: What should you do when you see ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A: Shoot him again.
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They're practicing to be men.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One--he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
Or Alternate answer--Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
Q: What's the best way to kill a man?
A: Put a six-pack and a naked woman in front of him and ask him to choose just one.
Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A: They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch.
Q: Why do men whistle while they're on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, diamonds, and furs.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals."
Q: Have you heard about the new line of Tampax with bells and tinsel?
A: It's for the Christmas period.
Q: Why did God put men on earth?
A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
Q: What's the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?
A: When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!
Q: Lovers celebrate valentines day so what day do wankers celebrate?
A: Palm Sunday.
Q: Why are men smarter during sex?
A: Because they are plugged into a genius.
Q: What do you get when you mix Holy Water and Prune Juice?
A: A Religious Movement.
Q: What's the difference between husbands and prisoners?
A: Prisoners complain behind bars. Husbands complain in them.
Q: How do you get a woman to argue with you?
A: Say something.
Q: What's the major difference between wives and husbands who are trying to have children?
A: Wives want to videotape the birth of their child. Husbands want to videotape the conception.
Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love?
A: Honey, I'm home.
Q: What three things do women have in common with KFC?
A: Breasts, thighs and a greasy box.
Q: Why did Tiger have his head in the toilet?
A: He was looking for Pooh!
Q: What's the best pick-up line in a gay bar?
A: May I push in your stool.
