Pearls of Wisdom from Ed 351 ~
"The reflector reflects."

"The skeptic is skeptical."

"Open-ended questions are not closed."

"Can everyone see that?"
"Yeah, go-go gadget eyes!"

"Are there are any questions?" "Yes or no?"
"Obviously no or someone would have said something."

"Should we turn right?"
"Yes, I concur. Do you concur?"
"Yes, I concur."
"Okay, as long as we all concur."

"Is it on the left or the right?"
"It's on the right. I'm positive of that."
"Are you sure? I thought it was on the left."
"No, I was just here. I'm 100% sure it's on the right."
"Isn't that it there on the left?"
"Yes." "Katie!"
"Damn it! The one thing I was sure of!"
"From now on, we do the opposite of whatever Katie says."

"I guess you'll have to try to look around those monstrosities."

"Which way do I turn? Oh my god, what do I do?!?"
"Beth, just calm down! Turn right here."
"Here?!?"
"Yes, calm down, right here."

"My lights are all tangled up!"
"Mine are fine."
"Fine you little icicle light prodigy!"

"God, Amanda, you are so negative!"
"No, I'm not! I'm realistic!"
"Same thing!"
"I'm usually postivie!"
"You're postive, all right... postively negative!"
(hysterical laughter)

The inevitable arguement anytime we leave the dorm:
"I drove last time!"
"No, you didn't!"
"Yes, I did!"
"No, you didn't!"
"I'm going to write it down next time!"

"I'm infuriated by the lack of pap smearing in this room!

"I am so going to jump on him!"

"I couldn't physically kick his ass, but I could kick his emotional ass! I'm going to kick his mental ass!"

"If I was there when you were telling him off, I would be trying hard not to laugh."
(Seriously) "If you laugh, I'd have to kill you."

"I'm going to kick his ass!" (coming from little blonde girl who weighs 25 pounds)
(hysterical laughter)
"You know, this reminds me of that Friends episode where Ross says he'll kick Chandler's ass and no one listens to him."
(laughter)
"Why didn't you think of that, Beth?"

"Where is the little bastard?"

"You only weigh 100 pounds!"
"I weigh more than that!"
"Sorry, 105."
"Well, fine...."

(Watching a TV Commerical)
(car hits goat which flies over the roof and lands on its feet behind the car)
(deadpan) "Was that a goat?"
(commercial ends)
(Hysterical laughter)
"Oh my god! Look at her! She cannot stop laughing!"
"She's laughing so hard, you can't even hear it anymore!"
"Dang, Beth, it wasn't that funny!"
(still in hysterics, nods that it was)
(shake their heads)

"Want to cop a feel?"
"We all just touched Emily's crack!"
(hysterical laughter as they hand back the cracked ring)

"That's some jacked-up shit, man!"

"What are you laughing at? It's just my face!"

"I'm just going to pop out babies and clean the house."
(Fits of laughter)
(Quietly) "I was just kidding."

"What did you give up for Lent?"
"Snacks."
"SEX????"
(Stares and laughter)
"What??? NO!!! SNACKS!!!!"
"Oh."

"I thought the noises above you were a basketball."
"No, it's not always a basketball."
"Yeah, no, it's not a basketball."
"Yeah, last time I checked basketballs didn't moan."
(Fits of hysterical laughter)

"Man! It's always so hot in here!"
"I know."
"Is it this hot when I'm not here?"
"Yeah."
(pause)
"Did you get the joke?"
"Yeah, I got it."

"I'm such a retard!"
"Don't say that. It's offensive."
"Kind of like fag?"
(shocked pause)
"Yeah, just like that."

"He thinks I'm normal."
"He obviously doesn't know you that well."

"WALLBUTT!!!"

"Are you laughing at me?"
"Always."

"Am I mean to her?"
"Always."
"Ouch!"
"Don't worry. I answer everything with 'always.'"

"I was sitting at my desk using my computer and then I heard a girl moaning from upstairs. I actually heard her MOANING!"
(shocked look with a huge smile)
"THEN I could hear the bed moving and the moaning get louder!"
"You know what you should do next time? Call up there and ask them if it was as good for them as it was for you."
"NEXT TIME?!? There better not BE a next time!"

"I can't believe she's crying! It's only an awards show!"

"What do you mean we can't go through the drive - thru with a forty dollar order?"

"Does that freshman have a cat in his backpack?"

"What is that smell?"
"That's the dead cat for AP Bio I left here over the summer."

"I'm not going to touch it! You touch it!"
"No way! I'm not going to touch it! You do it!"
"If you touch this one, I'll touch the next one."
"Fine, but I'm going to hold you to that."
(Begins disecting the crayfish)

"There he goes!"
"Who?"
"You know! HIM!
"Who?!"
"HIM!!"
"OHH! HIM!! Where is he?"
"Man! Now I lost him."

"Beware if you're ever somewhere and the only sound you hear is music. Someone is about to die."

"Where's the exit?"
"I don't know it's coming up."
"There it is!"
"Where?"
"You're about to pass it!"
"I am?! Crap!"
(stops the car)
"I cannot belive you stopped on the expressway!"
"It's not like anyone else was on the road!"
"So? You don't stop on the expressway."
"Oh well."

"Why do all the officers get to write their names on the walls?"
"I know! It's not fair!"
"Let's write our names on the wall."
"No, I don't want to get in trouble."
"Oh, Beth! Lighten up! Let's write 'The Boxers!'"
"Ok, fine."
(begins writing)
"Someone's coming!"
(leaves the office with 'The Box' written on the wall)

"I was watching the video, and they said that the drugs could cause death in rare circumstances."
"I can't believe they showed that to you before they took out your wisdom teeth!"
"I know! It sure helped to calm my fears!"

"I hate holding these candles. I'm so scared of the wax dripping on me."
"I know."
(later) "Crap! There's wax coming closer to my fingers! I'm just going to blow it out. No one will know the difference."

"Would you guys stop throwing paper at each other?!? You're behaving like freshman!"
"Did Emily just call us freshman?"
(Mean glare at Emily but stop throwing paper)
"Geez, Emily, you just had to ruin our fun."
(Principal walks up)
"Are you girls throwing paper at each other?"
(while holding a wad still in her fingers) "No."

"I do not wave with two fingers!"
"Yes, you do! That how I know it's you!"
"Kim! Do I wave with two fingers?"
"Yes! I don't have to worry about which car you're driving because I just look for the two-fingered wave!"
"I do not do that!"
(All laugh, even though it's true)

"Who's that with my sister?"
"How should I know?"
"Come on, let's follow her."
"I can't believe we're following your sister!"
"I have to figure out who that boy walking with my little sister is!"
"You need a life."

"Ms. Kesel, will you read the start of my paper?"
(Begins reading) "Elizabeth! This sucks!"
(looks at her best friend) "Did my English teacher just tell me my paper sucks?"

"Who does this Ken doll remind you of?"
"Oh my god! It's Hannon!!"
(A few days later)
"Isn't that the Hannon doll hanging from the blackboard? It appears that he's been hung and decapitated."

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